Husband giving me the ick with his desperation for us to get pregnant

[Lookeye]

Im 31 and husband is 46. He always thought he didn’t want children but a couple of years ago decided he actually did. So when we met and married it was clear we were fast tracking having kids. In an ideal world I would’ve had a couple years of just enjoying married life before having kids. But having met dh I am happy to adjust my plans. We met two and half years ago.

Anyway, we seriously started trying for a baby over the Summer. And dh just gives me the absolute ick with his focus on having a baby. After being intimate he will totally ruin the mood by asking me if I want a pillow to elevate my hips (as an example), always making me smoothies. I went out last week for a hen and dh asked if I would be drinking….sort of implying that it would mess up our ttc timings. Or he will ask if I have taken a test first thing in the morning.

It’s the only thing I am having issues with. Dh is extremely handsome, funny and sweet. But he is really grating on me. He’s changed his diet completely (we’re healthy eaters anyway but he has gone completely ott), stopped cycling etc.

i get he is excited but AIBU to find it really off putting?

He sounds anxious

It would irritate me that he's 46 but only decided he wanted to have kids a couple of years ago and now he's hurrying you along. I'd have to tell him clearly and firmly to back off.

Would you like a pillow to elevate your hips? I've got second hand ick.

I'd take this as a bit of a warning in all seriousness. He could end up neurotic like this throughout a pregnancy and when you've got a child.

I'd have a chat, say you're taking the whole thing off the table until he's relaxed about it all. He sounds suffocating.

He's panicking Op because he knows he's left this a bit late, the longer it takes for you to get pregnant the older he'll be as a first time Dad. Tell him that he's supposed to be newly married and all loved up with his young bride, not nagging you to be pregnant. If he does give you the Ick you'll go off sex then he really will be sorry

Crying with laughter here

I think it’s good to nip this in the bud now. My friends DH was like this and it didn’t end when she got pregnant. He would question her for eating and drinking certain things or exercising. Then when she had the baby he put so much pressure on her to breastfeed for at least two years. No consideration for her and her wishes for her own body

I never get posts like this. Just TELL HIM he’s being a total arse next time he does it! It’s utterly unsexy.
I have the ick on your behalf.

I sometimes feel, reading MN , that I must be some kind of gobby thug compared to most posters, because if I was having sex and my partner asked me if I wanted to put a pillow under my hips I might just involuntarily punch him in the nuts.
Did he say it in a feathery strokery whispery voice?
Argh

Omg! Best comment award! Lol

I think that sounds so incredibly cute. If you are finding it an ick then maybe you aren’t really into him or don’t actually want to get pregnant.

'asking me if I want a pillow to elevate my hips.'
I have the ick for you after reading that!

'I went out last week for a hen and dh asked if I would be drinking.' That sounds controlling. If he's suffocating you now imagine how it will be if you do get pregnant!

It is coming across that he's treating you like baby making machine. I think that's what is grossing you out.

He’s older. He’s made having children his highest priority. That’s fine. But… you still need to get laid for the sake of pleasure and live your life as you, not his pending baby factory. You are not his battery hen.
This smells a tiny bit like controlling behaviour- nothing overt or worrisome (yet) but I wouldn’t want to see this sort of anxious need to control your choices and behaviour in order to fulfil his wants (which is a little bit what this is) infiltrate your entire life together. That would be miserable. Know the difference between concern for you and control over you. Little bit of a red flag going on here.

I wouldn't want to have a kid with him. He'll be micro amanaging every aspect of the pregnancy and the baby once born and growing up probably.

'This is a compromise I'm willing to make for DH'

No. OP just no.

Having a baby is not a compromise that you do to please someone else.

This is a human being that you are planning to have. You should only be doing it if you are 100 per cent ready yourself.

I also think this sounds far too soon and far too desperate on his part.

It's so easy for him to leave you in the lurch with the baby, with very few negatives for him, but lots for you and even more for the child.

If he's ramming it down her throat she definitely isn't going to get pregnant

I know a few men like this, hit a certain age, desperate for a baby, don't seem to care much about the vessel they then get with provided they are fertile. They then get desperate to get pregnant. A sensible woman would ask do they love me, or am I serving a purpose...

Indeed.

That would put me right off sex with him. Total ick.

Are you sure you want to try for a baby? I think if you do, then his behaviour is ok. But if you’re not sure or still deciding then it’s too much pressure.
You haven’t actually known eachother that long.