Moral Dilemma - neighbour

[Dreamofholidays]

Used to have a friendly (chat in the street, very occasional coffee) relationship with my neighbour. We have done some building works recently. Neighbour pretty obnoxious about the works, which surprised us. At one point, they even tried to stop the works- our party wall surveyor said that if they continued, to call the police. Only lasted a day, but was very stressful and awkward afterwards. Obviously did not want to call the police on my neighbour- how can you be friendly after that. Works nearly over, but neighbour was then abusive (swearing) at our builder. I feel sorry for the neighbour in some ways, as clearly they cannot cope, but I'm also sick of the sense of entitlement and rudeness.

So my dilemma is this: my neighbour has a porch at the back of their house that was built without planning permission. In a moment of frustration, I talked to the planning department who said if I reported it, it is likely they would request that the neighbour take it down. The porch in question does not bother me at all, but I am tired of being at the brunt of my neighbour's unreasonableness. Do I go high and just move on, or should I report them to teach them a lesson?

You don't have to be friendly after the works but reporting the porch is adding fuel to the fire for absolutely no reason other than because you can and seems a daft idea if neighbourly relations are already strained.

What is your long term vision?
If you want a nice relationship with them then reporting them is not going to get you that.

I think calling the planning department about the porch is pretty petty, to be honest, and doesn’t achieve anything. What lesson does it teach?

You may find that when the building works has finished, they may settle down and relax.

That would be a foolish thing to do and would completely burn your bridges. Just keep it up your sleeve and if they ever do start being aggressive again you can tell them you're aware the porch isn't compliant but as a good neighbour you have not reported it, but that if they don't back off, you'll report it.

Highly unlikely they’d have to take the porch down - they’ll just have to apply for permission retrospectively. And you’d trash any possibility of getting your neighbour relationship back on track. Don’t be silly.

How annoying have your builders been?

I have a neighbour who cannot stand any work or noise or disruption. I adore her. We are very careful not to upset her!

Have you been as considerate as you could possibly have been?

This exactly.

How does a back porch not fall under permitted development? Is their house listed or something?!

Only report if your end game is to exist in a hostile environment. All sounds petty to me

Let it go. Disputes with neighbours could come back to bite you if you ever want to sell your house.

Neighbour pretty obnoxious about the works, which surprised us
What do you mean by obnoxious? What did they complain about? Maybe their complaints were perfectly valid. At least to her. Did you bother to listen to her?

As for considering reporting her...gosh, you sound like the neighbour from hell!

Try ignoring & leave it a while after builder has left.…if nastiness continues or gets worse, just suggest you know this porch ‘thing’?

Thanks for the responses. It is really petty, I know, but I feel at the end of my tether with the rudeness.
Our neighbour is doing quite a lot of noisy internal building works themselves, so it isnt the noise of the works that bothers them, rather the change to the shape of our building (we have planning permission).

We live in a conservation area and that's why planning said they'd likely ŕequest the porch was taken down.

I've never actually responded to the rudeness, but am starting to wonder how I can bring myself to even say hello in the street again.

I think we do need to just wait til Al the works are over and let things calm down.

How much work are you having done? Is it noisy or intrusive? Might not bother you but she is clearly pissed off about something.
The porch is your powder so keep it dry for now.

I’d keep that option in your back pocket in case you feel it’s needed at a later date!

What were the issues with the work? Was it the noise, proximity to their property, the party wall part?
I'd not bother with any retribution if it's calmed down and is nearly done. Adding fuel to the fire isn't going to help and could lead to further issues. Finish up and get on with your life. Hopefully you can go back to some kind of civil relationship.

Cross post, sorry. They sound a pita, just crack on.

In what way obnoxious, what have they done?

I’d go the other way to try and make the peace by takimg round a bunch of flowers and a thank you (for putting up with the building noise) card.

That way they should be back on track. Kill them with kindness
If they are still horrid then you know youve done all you could to be nice. I wouldn’t report the porch what’s the point.
However if they are still nasty after the flowers I’d mention it along the lines of “I appreciate the building noise was inconvenient for you and im sorry about that but I didn’t complain about the building noise for your illegal porch so you might want to cut me some slack”

Don’t do it. Be civil towards them. Hold your head high and go about your business. No need to pour fuel on the fire. It will just make the whole thing worse. Smile and act like you don’t care.

Yes we met, listened and tried to reason with our neighbour, but interactions often were met with brusque replies and latterly swearing.

Yes we met, listened and tried to reason with our neighbour, but interactions often were met with brusque replies and latterly swearing
So clearly they were not happy about some matters related to work and in the end, you decided they were u reasonable and ignored them. And now you want to punish them for daring to raise some objections?

Unless they were totally unreasonable and caused you to lose money due to their actions, why do you want to do something that could potentially cost them a lot?

If u argue with neighbours and start reporting u will have to declare this if u ever want to sell
up and move ! So I would say rise above it and ignore !

You tried. Don't bother again. Just finish the work and move on. If you see them in passing, be civil. Doesn't mean you've given in, you've just taken the high road. It's honestly not worth prolonging an argument, particularly if they are volatile. I'd rather just accept they were twats, have a neutral relationship with them and forget it.

Thanks for this and all these messages. I just needed to be told, head high and move on. I just feel frustrated and disappointed sometimes, as when you have good neighbours it is amazing and I csn never understand why someone would throw that away.