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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sexual talk on a first date

32 replies

Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:20

Recently I went on a first date with a bloke from a paid dating app, both our profiles indicate we're looking for a long term relationship, in our 30s.

On the date he mentioned several times he is a "sexual person". When I asked if he does sport/goes to the gym he says no because he gets exercise though sex.

He didn't try anything with me, we just had a drink and food.

I am not a prude and think sex is important in a relationship but I found myself feeling uncomfortable with this line of talk on a first date, or generally at all before anything sexual has happened. What do you think?

OP posts:
AbundanceofKatherines · 26/09/2025 08:23

Is this a joke thread or click bait? Ick, just no.

Screamingabdabz · 26/09/2025 08:24

I think you take it at face value. He’s telling you who he is. A sex person. That’s his whole persona - no depth, not romantic, his physical needs dictate his life. He made you uncomfortable on the first date so personally I’d block and run but I wonder why you even need to ask?

AutumnWreath · 26/09/2025 08:24

Gross & juvenile ( was he 15 ? ) first dates , don't have to become 2nd dates !

neveradmit17 · 26/09/2025 08:24

Don't bother with a second date.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/09/2025 08:26

I wouldn’t see him again

UninitendedShark · 26/09/2025 08:26

When I was on dating apps (a good few years ago) it was my experience that the majority of men are just looking for sex no matter what their profile indicates. If a man is being this overt with sex talk right off the bat then I would very much assume that he’s just after getting laid . If he’s made you uncomfortable already, then he isn’t the one for you. Sorry you seem to have got a dud.

TwistedWonder · 26/09/2025 08:26

He’s telling you he’s after a shag - so many men in OLD claim to be looking for an LTR when all they really want is casual sex.

Chuck him back

Mischance · 26/09/2025 08:26

I think that if his behaviour/talk made you feel sufficiently uncomfortable to want to come on here and ask about it, then you need to not have a second date with him.

Peteryourhorseisheree · 26/09/2025 08:27

Ugh, no thanks. At least he was up front about it though. I’d have just left to be honest.

AmpleLilacQuail · 26/09/2025 08:27

Ick, no. Next one please.

Viviennemary · 26/09/2025 08:28

Run for the hills. He sounds an absolute perv.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2025 08:30

It's a NO NO on a 1st date, no 2nd date.

TheRealGoose · 26/09/2025 08:30

I think men and women view this differently. I’m female. But have a make friend who is divorced and on line dating, they do not see wanting a long term relationship and wanting sex as mutually exclusive as the responses would indicate. Wanting sex, sex fast, indicating it’s important to them, doesn’t mean to them they want a one night stand, for many men they can want sex and also want a long term relationship

pinkdelight · 26/09/2025 08:35

It's helpful for people to be themselves on a first date then you know from the off if you're into them or not. You don't have to adjust your tastes even if some other people do like sexual talk on a first date. That doesn't make you a prude or him a perv. It makes you incompatible. Makes it an easy no and you can find someone less sex-obsessed and he can keep on with his approach till some woman finds it irresistible.

Original poster
Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:38

It wasn't constant or the only thing he spoke about, he did say it a couple of times though. It did cross my mind if he's a sex addict or something! In my experience mentioning it at all is strange

OP posts:
SomethingFun · 26/09/2025 09:16

Well not to stereotype but most men in their 30s want to be having sex so it’s hardly necessary to state it and would make me assume he is either pretty socially inadequate because he’s unaware of inappropriate conversation or he’s testing your boundaries from the off so when you don’t want to have sex in the future he can whine and moan because he told you it was very important to him right from the off, so you should let him have sex on you whenever he wants.

AmpleLilacQuail · 26/09/2025 09:31

Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:38

It wasn't constant or the only thing he spoke about, he did say it a couple of times though. It did cross my mind if he's a sex addict or something! In my experience mentioning it at all is strange

He said it to give him an excuse for being a creep openly. Men obviously want sex but the majority don’t need to be so sexual with strangers.

Newfigtree · 26/09/2025 09:37

Nothing wrong with wanting to find someone whose desire for frequent sex matches your own.
He didn’t want to waste your time or his own and was being upfront from the start.
You’re not compatible. Move on.

MathsMum3 · 26/09/2025 09:52

At best, I would say he's trying to warn you that he has a very high sex drive and be prepared for that moving forwards. If that's ok with you, fine, carry on with the relationship knowing there must be a lot of sex. If not, ditch him now.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 26/09/2025 09:54

That would be a massive ick for me and there would be no second date. Trust your gut.

TwistedWonder · 26/09/2025 10:07

Not wanting to discuss how much you love shagging with what is basically a stranger the first time you meet has no bearing on how high your sex drive is, whether you’ll be very sexual in a relationship or if you’ll be sleeping together within a few dates.
Everyone goes on dates hoping for a sexual spark, it doesn't mean someone banging on about it on first date won’t be offputting even for someone with a high sex drive. It just gives the impression that’s all they’re interested in

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 26/09/2025 10:13

Are you sure he wasn't a 22 year old in disguise 🥸

User37482 · 26/09/2025 10:18

Oh god no would be a “no thank you” from me. It’s weird tbh, I doubt he’s getting many second dates.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/09/2025 10:19

Oh good god no, throw it back.

usedtobeaylis · 26/09/2025 10:22

It would put me off. Don't ignore that discomfort.

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