To ask your honest opinions on “nesting” post separation

[ScrimpAndShave]

We live this way. 50/50 arrangement. DC live in family home. 2nd property is shared and myself & STBXH live there alone when it’s not our turn to be with DC, swapping over throughout the week. I think people tend to think it’s a very strange or unhealthy arrangement but of course I never hear a true opinion it and I’m intrigued to hear different perspectives.

We had rules too, and she literally just tore them all up. Obviously, it was having that letter, but yeah, they tend to forget everything that was agreed when their Cock is involved in my experience.

But would he get his own flat as well so that you don’t have to live in his squalor?
I mean this is the other issue that we had was even with the custody orders that were made for him to have them once a week and every other weekend if something better popped up he just didn’t have them.
There’s nothing you can do to force somebody to spend time and money with their children, Beyond child support which is fundamentally what these men are trying to avoid paying by contemplating nesting.
They still get all of the advantages of being married, but they get to sleep with somebody else whenever they like.
It doesn’t seem to work both ways

He does every other weekend, which is absolutely disgraceful in my opinion.
Naturally, the children completely idolise him and think he is the best thing since sliced bread whilst I’m the one forcing them to eat green vegetables and do their homework.
Everybody tells me that it all works out in the end when the children are old enough I am still waiting. I can’t lie. At 21 and 15, we’ve not got long to go 🤞

I know that all sounds rather doom and gloom but what I wanted to say was the sooner that you can cut him out of your life the better obviously you can’t do anything about the children, but it is far better to have them ringing the doorbell., waiting in the car for the kids to come out then having any perceived right to come into your house.
I’ll never forget once my new partner was asleep in my bed in my house. This was not a nesting situation.
And the absolute audacity and entitlement of my ex-husband he felt that he was Allowed to come in and use my toilet whilst the gentleman paying for the bloody House and his children because Ex wasn’t, was lying in bed in his pants
All very awkward.

Not planning to divorce any time soon but this is what we would go for. Constantly shifting children between two different houses must be so unsettling, I just couldn't bring myself to force that upon them unless absolutely necessary.

Do you think he will actually do the 50-50 though?
Oh and by the way, even when they have 50-50 it doesn’t mean that they don’t have to pay child support often they do but women are hoodwinked to believing that they aren’t entitled to CMS if Dad does 50%
That’s not true

Once you feel a bit stronger, look into the finances. keep that information up your sleeve.
That’s the other thing I really regret was that I acted too quickly to settle the finances.
Refuse to get divorced until this consent order has been implemented not agreed, it’s actually happened. Then you sign on the dotted line for the divorce because once you’ve divorced.

You’ve lost all of the power.

Not one person I know who's divorced would have even entertained this idea.

You're effectively putting your private life on hold - well, your entire life really, as you're still financially tied - plus you have 2 houses to run/clean because I bet there's no way in hell you can rely on an ex to buy bog roll and clean the kitchen bin never mind changing the bed every week...

I just can't imagine sharing a home- two homes in fact- with my ex.

Squabbles about whose turn it is to do the dishes and why the squeaky door handle has still not been fixed, or whether it's worth the expense of getting the kitchen retiled or a new sofa, or if the living room would look great painted hot pink, are bad enough when you're a usually happy couple.

Arguing with your ex about it and knowing that either a) Your own housekeeping standards are going to be judged or b) Someone else's housekeeping standards are going to be a disappointment to you ALL THE TIME would be a level of anxiety I could not cope with. Then there's the fact that your stuff is going to be there, unattended, so you have no privacy from your ex.

And if you leave something behind, you're going to have to negotiate a suitable time to go and fetch it meaning seeing them and they could also need to pick something up from yours at any time.

It would be like having a big grey cloud hanging over you at all times.

If you think a partner would accept this, you're in la-la land. No-one is going to be happy to come and stay in a home where your ex still needs to be consulted on every scatter cushion you buy.

Yes it is. There was a massive thread recently on this site on exactly that topic. If it's true 50:50, no maintenance is due.

Ok there may well be a massive thread about it but it’s wrong.
There are circumstances in which child support is still payable even with 50-50.
I cannot comment on everybody’s that people need to check because women are missing out typically

That's so extremely simple to solve- you both buy a full set of uniform and a full set of PE kit and keep it at your house.

If my son forgets anything at all and wants to get out of a detention, he’ll just say he’s left it at his dad’s and the teachers accept that because they know it’s a problem for so many children.

You should let the CMS know, because their website says the opposite.

It’s worth a phone call as I say there are very complex financial situations and household set ups that the CMS website couldn’t possibly comment on and actually if you read it it’s very vague and very general.

I actually think it’s fairly ideal. However, it really depends why you split up. If it’s because one partner wouldn’t pay their fair share or do their fair share then you’re just doubling the strain of that by running 2 households as a couple.

Doesn't seem that vague to me.

Theres a law firm locally who’s their entire business model to teaching men have to stitch up women and claim that they are on the equal shared care as apposed to the shared care band. So there must be some confusion.