DP going on the piss, the weekend before his daughter starts new school

[Username974119273]

My DP planned to have a lads weekend the weekend before DSD starts new secondary school. She is moving up to a new city to live with us and starts a new school. Start date moved forward so now falls the Monday of that weekend.

AIBU to say DP should rearrange?

She would be coming the day of his hangover

How hands on are you as a step parent? I'd be asking him how he's planning to move her in as you'll be out for the day

So she would be arriving in her new home and her dad won’t even be there?
this has red flags all over it op.

This. His daughter, his problem. Don't let him push everything on you while his life doesn't change.

Surely this is easy - he goes, but doesn’t drink? And gets back in time to greet her.

I’ve done that countless times when something important falls after a trip away or night out. I don’t not go.

He has done this deliberately to ensure YOU know YOUR place as child facilitator.
I would be having words and staying somewhere else for the weekend to force his hand.

Fucking men, shitty fucking "fathers" don't even deserve their family.

She’s coming “the day of his hangover”, so she’s coming the day after he goes out.

I don’t really see the problem, I wouldn’t cancel my plans, as my daugher had something the day after.

Of course he should rearrange.

He is back home the day she comes. He will have to power through any hangover.

He should prioritise his daughter.
Is the drinking meet up a special occasion?

His daughters coming the day after he goes out ?
don’t see a problem really men can function with a hangover he’ll just have to suck it up
dosent make him a shitty father

Parenting with a hangover is unpleasant but not impossible. I would not take kindly to being told that I can't have a night out under the assumption that I'd not be a fit parent the following day.

How pissed is he planning on getting, and how bad are his hangovers?
If he’s the type to groan a bit when he wakes, then pop an ibuprofen and go about his day, then no problem. If he can’t go out without getting absolutely smashed and writing off the next day then he is an irresponsible bell end.

His poor Dd.
She has no choice in who her dad is.
But I'm struggling to see what's in a relationship for you with a guy who goes off for weekends with his pals just to get drunk.

So he will be present for her arrival? Is he the sort to get home at 6am and sleep all day or will he be home by 12 and have a bit of a headache in the morning?

Can you be explicit about the timeline OP? It’s not really clear. If he’s home the whole time she’s with you then I think it’s fine that he goes out before this. He shouldn’t be too drunk though imo.

He needs to be capable and welcoming the day she arrives - that day should be about her as it's a big change moving house. But that shouldn't mean he can't go out the day before. He should be capable of being capable. And of making sure you are all set up for her before he goes away.

So, he's going to be home when she arrives?
I don't see the problem. He just has to deal with her with a hangover.

Gross on all levels. Poor kid.

It's not any old day when horizontal parenting will suffice. It's not even that DSD is starting a new school. It's that she's moving in with you which will be a massive change for her , and she is likely to be very needy. Her Dad needs to be there and fully functioning. If he can't be trusted to go out and not drink, or better still cancel,I'd be wondering what sort of man he is; probably not one I'd want to be with.

When is DSD moving in?

Is it arrive Saturday, school Monday?

Has he said he intends to carry on?

Or are you asking us in anticipation?

Apart from a possible hangover, how is it 'gross on all levels'? 😳

he could go out and not have a hangover the day she arrives if he gave a shit.

is he expecting you to step up here? If you do then this will be the ongoing expectation. You need to tell him you are busy/not doing the childcare and he should be focused on his dd when she arrives because while you accept her as a step dd she is his child and his responsibility

Given that the daughter is secondary school age, I don’t really see the problem with him having a hangover, unless it’s the kind of hangover that renders him bedbound and throwing up. I don’t think it’s beyond the capabilities of most adults to parent a teenager while suffering from a bit of a headache. It’s not like she’ll be jumping on and screaming to watch Paw Patrol.

All depends how how he deals with hangovers. It’s not the going out that’s the problem I don’t think but his behaviour on the day she comes. If he’s going to be in bed all the next day whining about how shit he feels that’s obviously not ok. If he’s going to just get on with it and try not to let on that he’s massively hungover to his daughter (as it might not make her feel like a priority) then I don’t see the problem. Either way it’s not your problem and he needs to know he’s the one that’s going to be dealing with it all. The “gross on all levels” pearl clutching posts are ridiculous though

Well, he has to deal with her, regardless of his hangover? It doesn’t fall to you. She’s his daughter.