DP going on the piss, the weekend before his daughter starts new school

[Username974119273]

My DP planned to have a lads weekend the weekend before DSD starts new secondary school. She is moving up to a new city to live with us and starts a new school. Start date moved forward so now falls the Monday of that weekend.

AIBU to say DP should rearrange?

She would be coming the day of his hangover

Because he is yet another man who prioritises his drinking and his life as a single man over the needs of his DD and respect for his partner. This shouldn't be his partner's problem but he can't be trusted to do the right thing for his own DD.

I don't see how the two things are linked in any way? Does your DH suffer badly with hangovers?

I don’t agree with the gross or shite parent thing.

My DP can take it a bit too far when he’s had a couple of drinks and be in bed all day dying the next day. The issue is nobody can predict if he will or won’t take it too far and I’ve had far too many occasions in the past when he’s said he won’t and let me down.

To me moving to a new city and starting a new school will cause a whole heap of anxiety and being a present, fully sober parent would be a priority to me. Understandably different people have different views.

What a total loser you have attached yourself to, that this would even arise as an issue.

So he’s out Saturday night, daughter is arriving Sunday and starts her new school Monday? I don’t see the problem?

If he’s a heavy drinking GV and likely to be hanging when his daughter arrives then you are being unreasonable for choosing such a selfish and shit partner.

So a man who has a family commitment the day after he is away with friends is a shitty father, gross, a total loser and prioritising his own needs.. MN makes me laugh sometimes. I've done many a thing with a hangover or the day after a trip. I must be the worst human ever.... but no wait I'm a woman so I must be just balancing my own needs and enjoying some much deserved time off.

Is he a teenager or alcoholic? How can he not control himself?

His inability to be a sensible human shouldn't be your problem either way

I just can’t get over the fact that a grown man over the age of 25 WANTS to drink himself to the point he where can’t get out of bed the next day?

It’s beyond pathetic. And so unattractive.

Have a beer or four, sure. Start drinking water at 10pm like a grown up, and eat a take away on the way home and take some responsibility. Jesus it’s not difficult.

It’s fine for him to go out, as long as he is around on the day she arrives to help her move in, put up shelves etc, help her get her room as she wants it.

No problem, you will be out (shopping/having a nice lunch/meeting a mate) and he can step the fuck up.

He doesn't need to rearrange. He needs to behave like an adult with a secondary age child, not a 'lad'. He can have his night out, and be designated driver, or stop after one or two drinks.

You are not his parent though, so he needs to own all the responsibility for his own actions and decisions.

After your update, I’m wondering what you are planning to do.

I would be setting out my expectations with a conversation about DSDs needs and saying that I will not be available. Tell him that you will be out for the day and home for dinner.

if he chooses not to prioritise DSD then that’s on him. You say he’s let you down several times before so it’s clear that you anticipate he will let her down too. That’s really sad. Is it time for you y fry o reconsider the relationship?

I don’t see the problem. Guy goes out Saturday evening, his daughter arrives on the Sunday. If he has a hangover then he’ll have to deal with his DD with a headache. I don’t see the big deal. Just be clear that he needs to be there for his DD on Sunday and that you are not going to step in for him.

Why is she moving in with her dad? Shame he can’t be bothered to prioritise his daughter over a night out.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea to me it’s not that it’s a big deal, it’s that it’s likely to be an emotional and unnerving time for DSD. So having a parent who is completely present and able to support them is important.

any other weekend wouldn’t be an issue we are all entitled to a bit of fun.

maybe it’s just how my parents were when I was a child

Start date moved forward so now falls the Monday of that weekend.

When and how did this come to light, OP?

I was prepared to say you are being a bit OTT, but the fact she is moving city to be with you makes it a bit different. What is the plan for her moving day? Is she being brought to you? He needs to be fully functioning when he meets with her.
Also, what is the occasion for the drinking? Is it something special that can't be moved?

But he won’t do that. He will lie around in bed and let his daughter down just as he’s let the OP down numerous times, because he has no self-control and can’t be trusted when he says he won’t go too far.

She's not a problem. His responsibility, yes, but not a problem.

I still don’t understand why he doesn’t just go and not drink at all. Then he can’t get carried away.

So you do agree with the obvious fact that your dp is a gross and shite parent.

I mean this really depends on how far he takes it when he goes on the piss?
I would be absolutely fine on Sunday afternoon if I'd gone on a night out on the Saturday.. and certainly I'd be completely fine taking kids to school on Monday morning.
Has he got an alcohol problem?
If this is just a normal night out to 1 or 2am I really don't see what the issue is. He should be fine by Sunday lunchtime.

Will he need to be driving at all, eg going to pick his DD up?