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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old drinking at a 16th party

38 replies

StingrayPlatypus · 25/09/2025 01:36

Hi,
Just want to get a sense check. My 15 year old has been invited to his friends 16th birthday houseparty. There are about 30 kids going, a mix of 15 and 16 years old, male and female.

He has told me tonight that the mother is supplying alcohol for the night. There hasn't been any conversation between the mother and I. I dont know her well but her reputation isn't great; her children were removed from her for safeguarding issues earlier this year.

Is it normal to supply alcohol at a 16th? I am not naive enough to think my child has never touched alcohol, but I am surprised it is openly supplied to underage children. I'm in England if that makes any difference. What do you think?

OP posts:
Katesyd · 25/09/2025 04:44

Don’t allow him to go. Kids of 15/16 are really stupid with alcohol and it can be crazy dangerous. Step up

TroubledBloodyMary · 25/09/2025 04:59

🤔🤔🤔

beachcitygirl · 25/09/2025 05:29

I wouldn’t let him go.

SiobahnRoy · 25/09/2025 05:42

I’d say YABU to think Y11 won’t be drinking at a party but YANBU to be worried about the safeguarding concerns around the mum.

Octavia64 · 25/09/2025 05:46

Some will.

i’d be concerned about the party and either make sure he has back up plans or not let him go.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 25/09/2025 06:43

If she's had kids removed due to safeguarding issues I'd hazard a guess she's not the most responsible person.
I'd envisage it getting out of hand and the cops turning up.

Littletreefrog · 25/09/2025 06:47

I would expect 15 year olds to be drinking at a 16th birthday party. I would not like that party to be supervised by someone who had had their children removed from their care. Is the party at their house, will there be any other supervising adults?

BlueMum16 · 25/09/2025 06:49

Lors of posts on here before about giving 15/16 year olds a few cans/bottles to take to a party

My view is my DC can try alcohol in my presence but not out with friends and certainly not at a party without me being there.

Is your DC wanting to drink? Is the plan to stay over?

I wouldn't stop them going but have a serious conversation and arrange to collect at an agreed time and be on standby earlier.

I would also talk to him about drugs, these are more prevalent and IMO will be present.

Original poster
StingrayPlatypus · 25/09/2025 08:37

Rereading my post in the light of day I realise I missed a fair bit of information 😅
He has had a drink at family BBQs/special occasions (max two cans or bottles of either cider of beer) and when he goes to other people's houses and their parents ask if he is allowed a drink, I'll normally send him with two bottles of cider/beer. Within his main friendship group the mums communicate and send their child with what THEY deem appropriate. This takes the pressure off the host as they dont have to decide what is and isnt acceptable, and saves them a fair bit of money too. (On this - obviously if a parent was to send a kid in with absinthe or something, the host wouldnt allow it!) The most any kid has been sent with is a 4-pack of smirnoff ice. They are monitored when drinking, haven't been any issues and they seem to enjoy that we trust them.

My surprise is that another parent is providing the drink and hasn't had a conversation at all with me. I dont know if shes spoken to other parents. Her version of acceptable may be a bottle of vodka and them all doing shots.

My reaction has been to tell my 15 year old that he cant go - the alcohol queries alone make me nervous. I dont know enough about the detail of the safeguarding issues and child removal to comment really, but her lack of communication certainly doesn't reassure me!

Thanks all - DS is moody he cant go, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being OTT!

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 25/09/2025 08:59

I wouldn't punish a15 year boy for being open and honest with his mother. It's counterproductive.

Most kids wouldn't have told you.

There woukd have been drink there anyway. There always is because teenagers are teenagers and they will experiment.

You woukd be better off telling him that you know he's responsible, expect him to be conscious of his limits, not to get separated from friends, look out for those who have had to much and call you if he needs a lift home.

Dweetfidilove · 25/09/2025 09:08

So your 15 year old already drinks at parties - something this other parent likely already knows, as she talks to her children too.

Is your son sensible and not easily led, so will stick to his usual bottles or are you worried he'll be off on one with the other drunks?

If you don't trust the other parent and you're not sure your son won't succumb to older influence, he stays home.

Dancingsquirrels · 25/09/2025 09:11

The dangers of alcohol are well known. It blows my mind that people think it's OK to buy alcohol for 15 year olds and encourage them to drink at parties

And I wouldn't want my DC going to a party hosted by someone whose children have already been removed due to safeguarding concerns

Reachedtheend · 25/09/2025 09:56

I think allowing your own child to have small amounts of alcohol in your own home in a family situation is one thing.
I'm very surprised you send him to parties with his own alcohol.
I think you are being didmsingenous if you are concerned because this mother hasn't asked about alcohol. She will have obviously assumed you are lax about under age drinking and you won't care about your child drinking.
It's very sad when adults teach their children you can't have a good time without alcohol.
I5 and 16 year olds are children. Why not parent them?

JaninaDuszejko · 25/09/2025 10:33

Right, so the concern is really about the parenting rather than the alcohol so have a discussion with your DS, explain that it's not the alcohol, it's the fact that this doesn't sound like a great family hosting. And that you are concerned things might get out of hand and he'll not know what to do. Are his usual sensible friends going? Tell them to keep away from trouble, watch out for each other and make sure they know they can call you to be picked up at any time and in any state and you will make sure they are safe. And make sure he has a decent stodgy meal before he goes so he's not drinking on an empty stomach.

Teenagers drink alcohol and sometimes they drink too much. It's not ideal but he'll be safer if he knows you will have his back and won't give him a hard time if he messes up.

BigBirdOfPrey · 25/09/2025 10:38

Let him go then collect him early?

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 25/09/2025 10:43

Hard no from me. My children can drink when legally able but I certainly wouldn’t be encouraging it. I have a 24 year old who drinks socially but I never gave him drinks in the house and I certainly wouldn’t have let him go to a party while he was under the legal limit where alcohol would be supplied. My younger children are treated exactly the same.

EllaPaella · 25/09/2025 10:51

I’m surprised she’s allowed to host a party if the kids have already been removed from her care?
She’s the red flag here. 15/16 year olds will more than likely be having the odd drink at parties whether their parents know about it or not, however I think it’s odd she’s offering to supply alcohol to underage children without any consultation with other parents.
I’m a very realistic parent when it comes to teenagers but I would say no to this.

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 25/09/2025 10:56

They're not underage for drinking at a private party when an adult has bought the alcohol. Whether or not it's a good idea in these specific circumstances is a different question, but there's nothing illegal about it.

Onefortheroad25 · 25/09/2025 11:07

My dd is 17 and has been to lots of house parties over the last few years. Never has a parent supplied alcohol but teens will sneak their own in. Lots are drinking at 15. I don’t agree with this mum supplying it but I’m not sure I would say no to your ds.

TroubledBloodyMary · 25/09/2025 11:20

I too feel there’s some missing information here. The OP says the other mother had her children removed for safeguarding reasons earlier this year.

And yet she’s now hosting teen parties to which other parents are willingly sending their children - with alcohol?

Again - 🤔🤔🤔

Bippybop · 25/09/2025 11:33

It depends on your son to no right from wrong.
My son went to house party's at that age. But i told him to be sensible the whole dont feel pressured to do or take or drink anything.
If you feel you need to leave call or text I'll make some drama up etc or I'll be there to collect you.
We always had a plan.
It went well had fun.

He was no angle in his teen years he has been drunk a few times but we got through it laugh about it now.
But was sensible most of the time.
Only one time he calld for me to come get him the party got out of hand so he done a French exit and i picked him up at some shop.

Im glad them days are over.

DiscoBob · 25/09/2025 11:37

I think it's often seen as safer to supply a few beers in the hope it will stop them getting bladdered on spirits. That is an age for experimenting with alcohol and if it's at a friend's home it is safer than lingering around in parks or under bridges at night.

I'm sure they'll be fine. If they get sick then at least they know how horrible hangovers feel so might learn their lesson a bit.

Parky04 · 25/09/2025 11:42

My Ds got pretty drunk on rum when he was 15. He was sick everywhere. He is now 23 and never touched it since!

gingercat02 · 25/09/2025 11:46

I would be surprised if lots of them hadn't tried alcohol but at that age I wouldn't provide it. DS is just 17, some of his friends (all a bit older but same school year) have been bringing cans from home for a couple of years
ETA
Missed the rather vital info about her children being removed 🙄 What for would matter if I let my child go at all!

Yadsevet · 25/09/2025 12:00

I think drinking at year 11 parties is standard and anyone who thinks it doesn’t happen is naive. I don’t like it but it’s a fact of life. However, my rule with my 15 year old is that if he thinks he’s going to drink anything he needs to do it in moderation and most importantly if he’s going to drink it needs to be on a night when I’m home and can come and get him if I am needed. If he decides to drink on a night he knows I’m also out and I get a call or he is drunk he will not be allowed to go to a party again until he’s in 6th form. So far he has never been drunk and I have never had a call. I assume that may change one day, my older 2 did it once each. More importantly he is very honest with me about what and how much he has drunk