To think middle class people are the most insecure?

[OneCheeryGreenHiker]

The poor don’t have time for pretence, the rich don’t need to prove anything but the middle class seem permanently anxious about schools, cars, kitchens, holidays… AIBU to think middle class life is just competitive insecurity dressed up as respectability?

How would we "get shot" of class though? It is part of the structure of British society.

I was the only middle class person in a charity that supported and was staffed by typically working class people, with upper class SLT and trustees.

The general staff were very nervous of how they came across (with good reason, some of the trustees were very rude to them), and even though they were fantastic at their jobs, they were scared of losing them, and any possible change in circumstances made them very nervous about income security.

I was there part time whilst I studied, and I gave the Chair a mouthful about how they were behaving near the end. I didn't give a stuff, I was perfectly secure in my finances and even though I was pregnant and leaving without another job in place I had nothing to worry about.

I think it's a comforting lie that class doesn't exist, or that working class people don't suffer from prejudice and concerns that more affluent and educated people with options don't have to consider.

I share your views about materialism and waste and think its a huge shame that something that should be about DC experiencing the pleasures of gift giving and generosity has become a parental competition. Whether that's who gives the fanciest or the most virtuous gift. It's wasted time, money and headspace for the wrong reasons. Perhaps it should become a thing that the DCs thenselves choose the gifts for each other with a maximum budget.
(Although no doubt someone will be along to tell me that's exactly what their children already do, and the reclaimed organic abacus, hand carved in a disadvantaged vegan women's cooperative was what they absolutely insisted on for Rosie's 6th.)

Define middle class OP……. I bet you can’t as there are so many variables!

Is middle class those that drive fancy 4x4’s, live in the naice suburbs? The problem with that concept is that some people max themselves out with the largers mortgages and the most luxury car they can get finance for. It’s not comfortable it’s keeping up with the Jones and been seen to be seen. You could get a family that could do the same as the above but chose to live in a cheaper area and drive an older lower spec car.

On paper the first family are considered MC and the second are WC yet the only difference is that one doesn’t push themselves beyond their limits financially.

Or two young teachers who live in a small rented two bed flat and don’t own cars compared to two factory workers who own their hosue and have a car each…..

Do people really think most middle class people are privately educated? I think it is about 6% which will include some very not middle and much more upper class people

I guess we are anxious about money as school fees have gone up so much, we have a 15 year old kitchen no plans to change it, we’d like to move house but spending £40k a year on school fees has sort of scuppered all of that. I’m self employed so I guess the current economic conditions cause me a fair amount of anxiety.

I do strongly believe that class impacts many areas of our lives. I don't agree that a certain class is more anxious or insecure. Anyone can be anxious and insecure. I say this as someone from a working class back ground, they absolutely do have time for pretence. Named clothing and show home type houses are pretty common amongst working class people, even when that means they will be getting in to unmanageable debt to keep up the pretence.

Yet another middle-class bashing thread.

Smacks of jealousy OP.

Is it? Only if you think in those terms?

These posts are always amusing, couldn't care less what people think, and not trying to compete with anyone. Sent kids to private school for better education, not to boast, and happily drive old car.

Middle class is really common. Almost everyone I know is middle class. Some are like those you describe in your post but I wouldn't say everyone is that way. I personally find that lots of people live beyond there financial capability regardless of class. We live in a materialistic world where lots of people feel they need the latest, car, phone or plastic surgery.

YABU simply because you are making the assertion that the working class are all "too poor to care" and this isn't true. I volunteer in a community hub/centre in a very wc area. The women who work there, I would consider to be working class. They certainly are not rich, but not poor either. They feel it's very important to wear certain brands, dress in a certain way, tell you how much everything cost them ("I'm raging I've just had to spend £25 on buying our Jonny a pencil case for starting year 1") and for your house to be decorated a certain way. Everything has to match, have a name and usually it's jumping on the latest trend. They make a lot of comments about how other women dress, the type of car they drive, whether their house is "done" or not. Under the "there's no airs or graces about me" facade there is a lot of insecurity. And they think that the volunteers (who are not usually local and are more MC I would say) "dress like tramps" because their clothing has no brand name emblazoned on it, or they don't recognize where the clothes are from.

Would all teachers describe themselves as middle class? Not sure?

I’m from a very working class background btw my father and mother were illiterate - from abject poverty. I’m the first generation to go uni. Mum and dad worked in factories. It’s quite astonishing tbh in one generation that I now send my kids to private school. The differentiator, having the opportunity to get a good education.

Are they both born and raised in the UK?

YABU. This doesn’t ring true to me.

The people who worry about material things are the ones trying to be someone they're not regardless of class.

I think there is a point that the poor and working class aren't as anxious as there is less distance to fall financially and I guess will be acquainted with UC in some fqshion. I don't think it's insecurity but simply having to be sanguine about life's lot.

A few working class people I know don’t actually work. They are horrendously insecure. Partly due to the fact they are living on the breadline. Some other working class people I know work in a factory and are now feeling very insecure because they are polish and Farage is threatening to remove their visa if he gets in.

I mean talk about sweeping, I’ll thought out generalisations!

The super rich have similar troubles to the rest of us re kids and relationships. Money doesn’t solve all the problems and weirdly introduces more.

Inclined to suspect the people who are quickest to deny this of being the very people OP is talking about! People who are insecure about their social status are just the type to make a big thing of how secure they are.

That's said there are a lot of nuances, e.g. in my experience it's often lower middle class people who worry more about the big car and the fancy house, but perhaps also some people whose social circles begin to straddle the upper class divide. And we've all seen the young working class guys with the stupid "cool" haircuts and designer sportswear showing off their expensive cars, who are in reality probably struggling to pay the rent and don't own any furniture.

Or they ‘worry about material things’ because they’re poor!

@OneCheeryGreenHiker i disagree with that generalisation.
if you re insecure in your skin you ll need to show off because you may feel you have something to prove or you have a chip on your shoulder.

my husband and I work so he can retire in 4 yrs time. I ll keep on working because I went back to work after spending a long time raising my kids plus i own my company and it s quite fun! Love it. But my husband it tired now. So we have far less cash than many, but our retirements are practically paid for! And a cushion for the kids. So we have a smaller house in the next desirable area, we have less posh holidays, we drive a car that we will take to the ground, and we re very happy.

i was raised firmly upper MC and my husband firmly middle class. Kids are firmly upper MC. So given the above what does that tell you?
it s really not about class i abhorre that grouping.
it s about socio economics.

but who cares who is anxious. There will always be some people who needs to hide behind pretences and keeping up with Jones. It is sad, i am anxious about them because their retirements are going to very hard to live because they ll have to keep
on working if they want to keep with their debts.

Exactly, the OP used the term MC as if it has a definition, but these days it’s a melting pot and lines are more blurred. I wonder what they define as such… I agree with you.

I would of thought they were the least insecure. The poor being stressed about money and the rich constantly trying to out do each other (bigger house, bigger car, bigger private jet)

@Canyousewcushions the people you know probably aren't as poor as you think if they're spending 400 on another kids party gift. I'm either poorer than I thought or an extreme stinge but other people's kids will be getting a bag of sweets for their birthday 🤣maybe something more if it's a best friend