Dentist said he'd report me

[Shmee1988]

So, my son is 13, he has adhd and suspected autism (awaiting assessment). Unfortunately his adult teeth have not grown straight at all. Some are almost twisted in his mouth and some have erupted on top of others. He was referred to an orthodontist 3 years ago. The wait list for NHS treatment is loooong and he finally had his first appointment yesterday. He is not thrilled at the prospect of braces but after alot of discussion he has realised its important and ideal to get it all done whilst hes still at school when some of his peers will also have them. The orthodontist did all of the Xrays and said he needs braces and qualifies for this on the NHS. He then turned to my son and said 'would you like braces?' to which my DS replied 'no'. The orthodontist then said he woukd need to see us again in 2 years time as my DS doesn't want braces so he wont fit them. I asked to have a private word with him and explained that part of DS sen is that he is very literal and that when he asked him if he would LIKE braces, he answered the question literally as if he was being asked if he would like to have to have braces and that he was not refusing treatment. He didn't care and told me that I need to start the referral process all over again and that it would be almost 5 years before he can get them fitted on the NHS due to the wait time. I asked him if I could have another word with DS so that son could explain he wasnt saying he wouldn't have them and he said no. He then went on to say that if I bought my son back and he still said he wouldn't like braces, he will report me. I thanked him for his time and left but I was so upset. Ds was upset and now that upset had turned to anger. Is he suggesting that advocating for a child to receive necessary treatment is akin to abuse if the child is anxious about it? Aren't all kids anxious about braces? I want to take this further and complain. Especially as my son will be almost an adult by the time his next appointment comes around. Opinions please? Thanks in advance.

So if I take my 10 y.o. to the dentist to take his decayed tooth out and he says he doesn't like the idea then the dentist will not do it? Is there an age threshold here? How about 5 y.o.?

He told me age doesn't matter. Its crazy.

Thats the thing, I am not trying to second guess his motivations. He outright told me that my son said no to treatment and that is why he will not be continuing with treatment. That is not the case as DS said no such thing. All he did was very literally answer the question of 'would you LIKE braces' he said no, because he doesn't like the idea of having them. That is very different to withdrawing consent. Dont you agree?

I have no idea and I don't know why you are still posting about this.

It seems to me you have 2 choices - either a) accept that you're not going to get treatment with this dentist and find another one - which still doesn't guarantee treatment and you may have to pay privately

b). put a complaint in to the surgery (after requesting a copy of their complaints procedure) then escalate to the General Dental Council if you are still not happy. Again this doesn't guarantee that he will get treatment.

Your choice.

I have no idea as to why you are still replying if thats how you feel. I am replying to people that have commented. Is that not the entire point of a conversation?

Horrendous. He sounds like some horror movie character! Definitely complain.

And 'report you'? Who to? What the fuck for? Not forcing him to have braces? Or because he needs them but he doesn't want them?

Yes, you are right, the Dentist was being very unreasonable and sounds like a difficult person, they confirmed they would have no qualms in reporting you ( for something you hadn’t done so you should have no qualms in reporting them for something that they actually did do….the Dentist also sounded like quite an unpleasant person

The report would be in relation to possible coercive control.

To SS? If she comes back with him and asks for braces again? It feels like he doesn't want to fit braces on this kid. God knows why as it's his job and the teeth are clearly misaligned. Seems ridiculous.

Of course if son actively refuses it then nobody can force him. But surely it's in his best interests and dentally necessary?

Because a mother wanted her son ( who she had described as having terrible teeth) to get braces…..I think SS really have more important things to do with their time

i would go to another orthodontist

Well my parents decided that because I didn’t want braces (they only asked once, and like op’s son I didn’t really want them) they didn’t pursue it. I have had wonky teeth that I hate all my life and I bloody well wish they had tried a bit harder to persuade me. I was 14. I was old enough to make my own decision but not old enough to make a good decision.

This is a very strange reaction. Must be something else going on.

Virtually identical experience 20 years ago. NHS orthodontist said son 'not ready' for braces on multiple visits. Lo and behold as soon as he was 17 he was 'suitable' but wait list too.long so not eligible under NHS. 'Twas ever thus. He was a 'very eminent' orthodontist, supposedly 'one of the best' but I think he had a budget to work to and he thought we could afford to go private (we couldn't).

Dentist was of course an utter twat and you should take it further but OP, I think you do need to take some personal responsibility here. He’s your child and you know what he’s like, you should be talking him through social scripts before these sorts of appointments and appropriate behaviour. It sounds like there’s a bit more to this and perhaps he didn’t want to treat your son due to concerns about his behaviour.

I would also remind the dentist that as the child’s parent with PR, you have the right to consent to the treatment even if your child did say no anyway.

Also in terms of reporting you - to who and for what? Did you get into an argument with the dentist? Did the dentist feel threatened? I’m not saying this was the case, but it does feel like there are some more details here.

IMO the dentist asked the wrong question. Especially if SEN is involved.

Do you want braces? No

Do you understand why braces are useful and would you like to try the treatment? Sure

It’s like asking if someone with cancer wants a mastectomy, no of course they don’t, do they understand why it’s important and would they like that treatment, well yes.

I get this when doctors ask “is there any chance you can be pregnant?” Technically I am a sexually active female in prime reproductive age. So the answer is Yes.
If the question is “is it likely you are pregnant” well I haven’t actually had sex in 6 weeks and I’ve had a period since then so no, it’s unlikely- although not impossible.

IMO words matter.

Report him to the GDC

he's probably supposed to only treat 50% of kids due to budget concerns so he asks that question to eliminate 50% of kids. My son has braces and doesnt have ADHD pr autism but he'd still answer "no" to any question related to "do you like having braces", because he doesnt, who does? can you afford to go private?

I understand your anger, but not having braces is not life threatening and your orthodontist might have a huge list of children and teens clamouring to have braces, so I understand his position too.
13 is definitely old enough to be asked- if he hasn't even been assessed for autism yet it really can't be part of the argument.

Surely though a neurodiverse child doesn't have the capacity to understand this. My daughter is autistic and an absolute nightmare with anything from ultrasounds to the dentist.

How utterly ridiculous. Why would you willingly wait for three years on an already obscenely long waiting list to be told this? I'd get a letter sent to your MP so they can push the referral along more quickly for you - hopefully with a different dentist who isn't a monumental tool. Then you have it in writing. This is what I've done for my daughter as she's been waiting 3 years and I want to make sure she is still young enough to get treatment on the NHS.

Clearly, you have a very limited understanding of neurodiversity if you believe this.

100% follow this up. What child 'wants braces' and the dentist clearly was not understanding of your sons position at all. I would go to my local MP and bring this to their attention and see if you can see another ortho. It would be terrible to need to wait another extensive period of time

@Shmee1988 please refer to the Oliver McGowan policy to your son’s dentist - it’s new training compulsory for all healthcare workers, where it highlights the importance of listening to a carer/parent/guardian when treating people with learning difficulties or disabilities, as often important decisions are made without consulting the person who knows the patient best, and has had very negative outcomes. It’s outrageous that you’re expected to go back on the waiting list for your son, good luck with appealing his decision.

Yes this happened to my dd (14) and autistic. She said no to braces and that was that. Luckily her teeth are no awful but it is a little odd.