To be exhausted by my four year old

[whereRemyshoes]

This is today.

Up at 6. Watched Gruffalo’s Child downstairs with me. Talked all the way through it but did watch it. Had breakfast.

Played upstairs. Non stop talking and moving.

Got dressed, teeth brushed. Off to school. At school 9-3:15,

Home by 340 (bit later as we were briefly talking to some other parents.) Played outside until 5.

I made dinner. Watched one episode of Bluey. Then had dinner. Non stop movement. Just walks around. Charging into the sofa and jumping. Even when he’s not doing anything he’s moving, walking round in circles or charging into things.

It is really starting to bother me. I know I should be grateful he doesn’t just veg out in front of a screen but it’s constant and EXHAUSTING.

He does have a lot though @Barnbrack . And to be honest as a PP has said, amount of exercise makes little difference.

I think (and this is where the thread has been helpful, despite the Spanish Inquisition over my employment status) my main worry is the listening. He talks over me and even when I manage to shut him up for a bit he’s not listening, just waiting to continue talking. This makes meaningful sort of interactions really difficult.

Thanks @Ihadtheonearmedbanditfever DH is great but generally not around much in the week. Thinking about it I find DS easy on his own; when it’s us + DDs it’s hard. He’s probably clamouring for individual attention which he does get as much as I can but there is a limit to how much I can do!

I will say my son is also on the referral pathway for ADHD and ASD. Genuinely never saw a child move so much. It's also how he moves, so my daughter moves a lot but it's mostly moving to or as part of a game or something. My son literally bounces off the walls. So I guess it depends what you're complaint is. Have you thought about ND?

It’s crossed my mind. He does bounce off the walls as you say. Literally runs round in circles. But going against that -

no issues at all with sleeping or eating
can concentrate on eg Lego, reading books, a game he gets into.
no concerns raised by nursery
when I think about it he’s calmer alone, I do think they hype one another up especially after time apart

And I have taken him to the theatre and to concerts (for children’s shows ofc) he’s also waited patiently in other contexts.

I do wish he’d sit down though 😩😩

Oh OP I can relate! I have a 5yo boy who sounds very similar! He was constantly fidgeting as a foetus too!! He never stops running jumping leaping climbing trying things out until he’s asleep basically. It’s bloody exhausting. I notice other calmer kids walking nicely and in the past I have felt envious of those parents. But what I try to remember is, you get the child you need (ie the child who will teach you something). And this really helps me because I believe it’s true. I can be a bit of an over thinker and try to control everything but if I’m going to have a good afternoon with my boy I simply have to let go and stay present. He really is living his best life 100% in the present which is what we all try to strive for as adults and so often fail! Your son sounds the same.

Anyway things I’ve found helpful are:
loads of clubs - after school and not just at the weekend
swimming clubs in particular channel his energy
After school I am now prepared to play and fully engage for a full hour some crazy game involving all the sofa cushions on the floor or whatever and just join in (but have a cut off where I go make dinner etc).
once I’ve had enough of these type of games I stick on a Danny Go Spotify playlist and he can follow along himself.
I try to let go of any expectations of calm time / tidy home whilst he’s awake (then on the very rare occasion he chooses to sit with me and draw or watch a movie it’s an absolute gift!) this has happened a few times now. I feel like since I’ve got involved in his games it sort of satisfies him sooner and he’s more open to trying a different (calmer) activity - still not often but every now and then.

finally, I do think he’s got great persistence - never gives up trying something- and I think that bodes well for resilience in life.

can concentrate on eg Lego, reading books, a game he gets into

There you are then, that answers my earlier question and I think it's your solution.

You've tried him running around in the garden all evening and it doesn't calm him down. I think you need to keep that phase brief and then he comes in and plays lego. That will wind him down before dinner, then if dinner is calm, the bedtime routine is off to a good start.

Make sure he has a table that his sisters can't reach so he can do the lego in peace.

I do think it's incorrect to encourage more and more and more activity if kids are being hyperactive. You need to give them a reason to calm down.

My two boys are like this too. It gets even worse if they are tired as they get even more manic and if your little one has just started school that might be playing a part too.
Mine are constantly clambering on the sofas, running along the windowsills, trying to slide down the bannisters, jumping down the stairs and are constantly talking and making noises.
I find that they need to get a good amount of unstructured time outside everyday plus we do sports clubs.
The trampoline is great and I often get them to cycle up and down the hill outside our house to try and tire them out.
Interestingly I’ve also started them on good quality high dose omega 3 as there’s some evidence that it helps with hyperactivity and it does seem to make a difference too.

It isn’t something you can sort of give to him and he gets engrossed though, @MumoftwoNC . It has to come from him. This evening he was actually really engaged by a game in the garden which involved putting stones in a toy pickup truck and depositing them elsewhere so I have no issue with that. What I say to him when he’s charging around is to go outside. Sometimes works, often doesn’t. I don’t come home from school and make him do laps around the garden!

@AngelaRaynersHair - he is very determined, I’ll certainly give him that. Brave, too.

Trying to "tire out" a child like this physically, misses the point - they're hyperactive for emotional reasons, not physical reasons. It's not like they have an inner fitbit that needs to get to 20k steps and then they're calm. The hyper activity is what they do to help them ignore the buzzing in their brain. So give them a calm way to do that - in your son's case that might be lego

@Thejackinthebox god yes. Up on windowsills, jumping on the sofa, on beds, the charging around. Even his affection can be forceful to the point of being unpleasant, flinging his arms around you so you feel smothered and elbowing me in the ribs.

Oh and I read something recently about how some kids need to be explicitly taught to sit quietly and concentrate on something. E.g. sit there and play with that playdoh for 10 minutes until the timer goes off and then gradually build it up.

See I’m pretty sure if I got DS to do that he’s just be saying MUMMY … MUMMY … MUMMY every two seconds!

I probably am overthinking it though; a lot of kids probably get giddy and silly in the run up to bed. The endless moving does make me dizzy though!

I have a nephew who never stops, I see him once a week and whether I’m at work or not he is full on. Really don’t see why it matters if she’s working in the school hours or not.

Omg OP I recognise every one of your posts. I have two boys and one is just like you describe. The other is not. When he was smaller I found it absolutely overwhelming to the point I felt a bit teary. I sometimes feel like I’m gripping on for dear life. He’s 7 now and way calmer but still intense. I feel so guilty for finding him just ‘too much’

My DH was a very energetic child and was put into judo and karate from 4 (he is from an East Asian background where this is common) and swears it did him wonders. Apparently it would drain all the energy from him and was the only thing that would tire him out! Worth a try??

Sounds absolutely normal to me. We have four grandsons- 2 are 7 and 2 are 4. You are describing their day. The 7 year olds now settle to a task for longer but, particularly after school, are constantly chatting and active. One of the 4 year olds wakes around 5 30 to 6 am, having lights out around 8pm. They are happy and thriving.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I also have an energetic 5 year old boy! As soon as his eyes open it's play time and even after school where I thought he would be tired, he still wants to do more!
I'm also glad he doesn't veg out in front of the TV but at the same time it would be nice to get some downtime and relax. He's currently an only child so he wants me to be his entertainment ahh. It's lovely.. but it's a lot.

My youngest was like this when he started school. Looking back, I think he struggled with having to sit, listen, and concentrate a lot at school, and so when he got home, his inner Tasmanian Devil was released. He's 12 now and morphing into a teen that can't be bothered, but when he does decide to have a full conversation with us or is in a giddy mood, he still spins around in circles when he's talking sometimes or paces about. Fidget toys have helped enormously over the years, as has a sit-and-shift cushion.

I agree OP - I have no idea why it would be relevant and yes, knowing MN, it’s just an opportunity for a dig.

What’s your shoe size?

Honestly, why is her age relevant? Surely you can gather that she’s not in her 60s?