To be exhausted by my four year old

[whereRemyshoes]

This is today.

Up at 6. Watched Gruffalo’s Child downstairs with me. Talked all the way through it but did watch it. Had breakfast.

Played upstairs. Non stop talking and moving.

Got dressed, teeth brushed. Off to school. At school 9-3:15,

Home by 340 (bit later as we were briefly talking to some other parents.) Played outside until 5.

I made dinner. Watched one episode of Bluey. Then had dinner. Non stop movement. Just walks around. Charging into the sofa and jumping. Even when he’s not doing anything he’s moving, walking round in circles or charging into things.

It is really starting to bother me. I know I should be grateful he doesn’t just veg out in front of a screen but it’s constant and EXHAUSTING.

"Normal" for one of mine! Well he's not stayed still/stopped talking since he started and he's 11 now - i definitely get what you mean about it being overestimating. He has always got on OK at school, albeit high energy but he still can't really "sit" still and needs to narrate/make random noises, possible ADHD but certainly nothing we've been able to get diagnosed!

The other day he was cross with me and told me he was "never speaking to me again" - lasted all of 7 minutes. If it helps, I've definitely adjusted to it!

That may be the point she was making but if it were, I don’t think she made it very well, hence the replies she received from many people before clarifying.

Thank you.

If someone says ‘that is not relevant, that is not what I am asking’ and someone says ‘oh but it IS relevant’ then you are also being exhausting and immensely tedious.

Having not made it very well and gone on to clarify, to keep repeating the same point is really pointless, isn’t it? It isn’t getting us anywhere.

Thanks @Peoplepleaserincrisis . This morning for instance I was trying to tell him to take the items in a carrier bag to the school office before going to his classroom (food bank donations) and he just wouldn’t stop talking to let me explain! We end up getting so cross with one another and that makes me really sad

People are very tedious… no idea why they’re giving you such a hard time OP

i have an impossible to tire out child like yours. Definitely look into the OT recommended heavy weight bearing stuff. It’s been a game changer for me. I have to take him to the park for an hour after school or I am doomed. Running up and down the skateboard ramps is the best thing ever - puts pressure on their legs and seems to release something. Otherwise he’d be climbing the walls…literally.

My 4 year old is similar, He has some other sensory stuff too so with him I think it's sensory seeking. He runs, jumps, spins, skips and when very excited does a little happy flappy dance! We got some great advice from an OT to calm him down. If you Google it you'll get lots of ideas. Has he just started school? I'm sure he's a bit wired from having to pay attention all day too, it's such a long day for such a small child. My mum said my brother was the same and calmed down around 5 or 6 so heres hoping 🙏😂

Nor me, @peanutbuttertoasty ! But it does go to show there’s more than one type of exhausting around 😂

I really thought he’d calmed down such a lot. Still lots of energy but purposeful, productive sort of energy. But now we’ve taken huge steps back and I feel our relationship is deteriorating a bit because I can’t get him to listen to me.

If you are concerned about possible ADHD, do speak to his school and see if they have any similar concerns.

If he’s just started reception, he might be extra wiggly at home as they will be learning to sit still on the carpet etc in school. My DS has been even more bouncy after school since starting reception and I think it’s because he’s trying to be good at school.

In terms of coping at home, I would try to reframe his behaviour to ease some of the anxiety you maybe have about it. Try to see it as a positive that he is healthy, energetic and has a zest for life! He won’t always be like this …most older kids and teens eventually love to wallow in their beds or at the very least, go out with friends more and he won’t always be under your feet (I say that with kindness - I literally trip over my DS4 sometimes because he is EVERYWHERE I turn!)

If possible, try to get a break and time for yourself too. Parenting small children is very full-on!

But do seek reassurance and support from his school too.

How old are you?

He has only been at the school for three weeks, and certainly his nursery didn’t flag anything. In any case, my understanding is that it won’t be diagnosed until he’s much older. Besides, I don’t think he has ADHD. It crosses my mind from time to time but I don’t think he has. I think my worry is more that we’re at cross purposes, it’s like we don’t ‘get’ one another very well and so annoy one another and become irritable quickly. My other worry is that I’m not providing a great sort of environment for him, to make him so hyper. A lot of the time I just feel at sea parenting him!

Sure, but I was responding to someone who said I was missing the point. I was explaining why.

There is no pressure on the legs, thats not weight baring.

It's just being active. Which OP needs to do with her child.

My 5yo is similar. ADHD has crossed my mind but no-one has raised concerns, think it’s more likely to be his nature. He is really struggling with year one and he says it’s because he hates sitting down and just wants to move, breaks my heart a bit!

So the recommendation is that I am active with my DS, and the inference is that because apparently I don’t work (?) so therefore have time to do this.

The thread is becoming very strange from some posters who have an agenda. The problem is that once you’ve given one piece of information it’s never enough for this sort of poster; they want to know how much, how long, do more, do less, your fault either way. I’m not trying to play a blame game here. I do spend time with DS and while I’m sure there’s things I could do differently I am certainly not a lazy parent by any means. But … you have to come home some time.

I have heard from my primary teacher colleagues (clue, do you work squawkers) that year 1 from reception is the hardest transition by far.

I have a similar 4 year old boy, just started reception.

I was out and about today and noticed a few pre school children, walking nicely and calmly along with parents. Mine is always 100 miles an hour, running, jumping, hooning it around non stop. Even in his pram as a baby his legs would be up in the air, kicking away!

He doesn't stop talking, ever. So much so, we've had to implement a hand up rule at the table sometimes as we're trying to teach him about waiting his turn to speak.

I love his zest and enthusiasm but it's exhausting. Everyone (inc on here) said Reception is exhausting and they'll be zonked after school. Mine seems to have more energy if anything!

No advice really just solidarity. No amount of exercise seems to help, in fact the more he gets, the more energy he has for longer.

I am increasing his food a bit as he's a big tall lad for his age and food does calm him down a bit. Other than that, I don't know!

My nephew was similar, even more so I think. He's a pretty chilled teenager now but still needs a ton of exercise.

Sometimes it is exhausting just watching them be so active!

Cosmic kids yoga can be good (if they will engage with it)

My 6 year old went through a phase this summer of doing laps round the garden most days.

When he was younger, probably around 4, sometimes I would sit him on the sofa and tucked him in tightly with a blanket, or use a weighted blanket, give him a snack and put something on TV that he would really be absorbed in, if I had any chance if calming him down.
Blanket never so tight be couldn't move or get up if he wanted, but just enough pressure that it would calm and relax him.

@Ihadtheonearmedbanditfever thanks for that. You’ve described DS to a point although I have to say even as a FOETUS he kicked a lot more than my others!

I am also working on the not interrupting. Like you I am also waiting for this exhaustion …

@Foodylicious it would be good but I’m trying so hard to encourage him being a bit stiller for want of a better word in the lounge. There isn’t an awful lot of space and he keeps knocking into things / people.

Hopefully he will grow out of it!

Apparantly my teacher was really worried about me because I had too much energy. I remember my legs hurting from sitting down, I just wanted to jump and run. Then around 7 years I calmed down all naturally, could sit still and concentrate. Still had lots of energy but not the same incontrollable one. All children develop at different pace. I wouldn't worry about adhd yet, he still has time to mature and children change all the time.

He’s such a lovely boy really. I think that’s why I feel so bad as I just feel like all I say to him is ‘calm down, slow down, woah, stop, hold on!’

My boy needs around 3 hours of proper exercise every day to settle, more when he was 4 to be honest. A typical day when he was 4 would have been a softplay session, a dog walk and a trip to the park with meals in between. At 7 he's at school all day but we walk there and back and today for example he'd an hour of gymnastics then an hour charging round the park after then a dog walk before bed.

My daughter is 4 and is quite chilled by comparison but she also doesn't really stop moving. They're not meant to sit a lot as toddlers, they should be mostly moving about

@whereRemyshoes ha ha you've just reminded me - I was admitted at 36 weeks pregnant for monitoring as he was kicking SO much. There was nothing wrong and he came out healthy (and huge) at plus 40 weeks.

I also meant to say, I understand your point completely about a fractious relationship. I snap sometimes, sometimes I'm impatient, sometimes just massively overstimulated and stressed. I've had to really really push myself to get better at this as my moods, happy, sad, impatient etc really affect him. Some days are a wash (usually a hormonal thing) but if I keep calm, he is generally better (ie slightly easier)

My husband is also very good at taking him out to burn off steam in the evenings and weekends when I need a break. I hope you get this too!