To think that becoming wealthy changes a person

[Munichfam5]

I have a few family members and friends that have gone from a living a normal lifestyle to becoming very wealthy

They have gained their wealth from hard work and a bit of luck - think business sales, property development…

AIBU to think that when people become wealthy they start to move and socialise with people who have similar wealth as them ?

The family members for instance are what I would call social climbers, and socialise with people that are basically millionaires - I guess this is also to do with the DC’s being at a very expensive private school

I’m not trying to be negative - just asking AIBU to think this and why does this happen ?

It's natural, isn't it? Especially with children in school. Doesn't mean they have to forget where they came from.

Hi - yes absolutely agree - but I guess what I am saying is that they have forgotten where why come from .., totally

AIBU to think that when people become wealthy they start to move and socialise with people who have similar wealth as them ?

That isn't surprising though is it?
Their wealth gives them more options - move to nicer area, take up more expensive hobbies etc.

Up to a point yes. Having money opens certain social doors.

I dont think it follows that people erase all connections to their roots if they become wealthy though.

Suddenly having a lot of money wont change your psychology overnight and many people struggle with the change that can bring, particularly when it involves subtle social cues which your upbringing hasn’t prepared you for.

I should think any big change in economic status will change someone. Not sure you have to be particularly insightful to realise this.

Some of it will be that they will be doing things where they run into other people who are wealthy. If their kids go to expensive private schools then the other ‘school mums’ are likely going to be wealthy too. Same with pastimes like golf or the gym. Or living in expensive houses and being friends with neighbour who will also live in expensive houses. That’s not social climbing that’s hanging out with the people you hang out with.

Exactly this. If a rich person suddenly lost all their money then I would expect their social circle to change too. You couldn't keep up with what your old friends are doing or pay for the school fees anymore so you would find friends that were in a similar situation to you.

I think the big mistake is assuming that money somehow changes who people are. Fundamentally it doesn't. People are just people. I think most people would be capable of making friends in most socio-economic classes if we were exposed to them. You just find people that have similar traits/values/outlooks to you and crack on.

Thanks for your responses - yes that does make a sense ,,,

but with that it also can mean that you drop the family / friends that you had before becoming wealthy ?

Becoming wealthy will change a social climber.
If you're not a social climber you might just lead your old life but be comfortable.

Your family members were going to change. They earned money so they could.

What does ‘forgotten where they have come from’ mean exactly?

Getting above their station?

A couple I have known for years inherited a lot of money. They were always down to earth types. I’ve been really surprised that they now have three expensive cars, with personalised number plates. We used to go for coffee at a reliable cafe, where you could get a decent bacon sandwich. We now go to a posh place, where you are shown to a table and get shortbread with your expensive coffee. I just didn’t expect them to change like that.

I would expect there’s a lot of wealthy people who don’t give a f* about social class, just get on in life and press ahead like we all do.

I’m not a particularly social person. I could have £5m and I’d still be who I am.

I would also imagine there’s a lot of low/middle class/earners who are selective about who they socialise with.

I do think wealth changes people but not necessarily socially.

It depends what you do with your wealth. No one on my street would know I have significant asset wealth.
We live in a modest house, no fancy cars or private plates.
My friends know I have property but they also know I work a regular job..a hard job actually so I'm no different. I don't believe in wasting the money I have with fancy coffee etc . I'd rather retire by 55!

This isn't a judgement of you but I do find it odd when people seem to think that this is a morally superior way of being wealthy. Actually our economy could probably do with more people working for longer and spending more of their money on things like fancy coffee.

All the money does is provide more choices as to how to live.

Many with wealth are discreet with spending - they do a lot of the same things and spend time with a lot of the same people. People who knew them before their changed circumstances are more likely to be true friends and be more grounding.

I’d also like to know this.

I don’t find this at all. Three of my friends are mega wealthy. Multiple homes in expensive cities across the world, etc. But I don’t think they’ve changed at all.

Sounds like the people you are talking about weren’t happy with who they were to begin with.

A lot of friendships in life are situational. Sometimes there are great friends who transcend time and will always be close but the majority of friends are there for that stage of your life - especially now people move around so much and are less likely to still live int he town they grew up in - think about how many people from secondary school you are still really close with (facebook doesnt count) or Uni. How many people do you still talk to from your first proper job where you all went out drinking after work?
Even at this stage of life there are mum friends - I am still only really close friends with 1 mum from my 3 kids being in primary school as the rest have all faded away now the kids are older. Thats not to say that I wasnt friends with people just that life moves on.

When you step up in terms of wealth it is then natural to be mixing with new people and have new experiences that you could not afford before. Obviously, those who drop abosbecauseultely everyone just becasue they are poorer are twats, but then they were probably twats before just not so obvious!

I don't think so, I think your upbringing and your cultural references as a child are far more influential, however much wealth you have. The knowledge is a sort of tacit type that is far more influential on your outlook.

No one, however wealthy, is obliged to prop up the economy through their spending. And trickle down economics does not work anyway.

Someone who is self made in the business world is more likely to invest in their local coffee shop than over consume its products.

I have no idea if I’d be classed as rich or not it’s relative. But dh has made money over the years and it upsets me no end that a couple of my friends dropped me shortly after. We’d been friends since NCT class and there was no major falling out, just letting the friendships go. Maybe we went on a few more holidays but no major lifestyle changes. Upsets me to this day but I’ve long stopped trying.

It's a fairly natural and common phenomenon. As others have said you mix with similar people at work, school, hobbies, neighbours etc because those people also have the money to do those things.

And your "old friends" can start treating you differently. I now earn a lot more than my two best friends from school and my husband is also a decent earner. Friends were both SAHM/very part time and husbands had low income. We met up at a soft play with our kids once and I bought a meal for my son as we had a long drive home after. I offered to get meals for the other kids (seemed a bit awkward not to) which was accepted but after that there just seemed to be an expectation that I would pay for everything if we went out together. It wasn't the actual money, it just started to bother me that I didn't know if they were actually keen to see me or just looking forward to some free stuff. One of the friends, despite being the keenest to accept seemed to simultaneously resent it. I found myself being very guarded about what I said or wore as she would huff and roll her eyes if I mentioned a holiday (while telling an anecdote, not showing off) or she noticed I had a new handbag etc.

It really shifts the dynamic if you see what I mean. Underneath I am the same person!

Why have you concluded this is down to your DH making money, than some other reason?

A very close friend of ours sold his business (that he'd spent years building up from scratch) to a big company. He and his wife are suddenly absolutely loaded, it's occasionally a bit weird between us now (when they say "we did xyz last weekend" and we think wtf!) but on the whole I would say things are just like they used to be.