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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my DS’s music lesson

47 replies

IDontLikeMondays88 · 23/09/2025 20:59

DS is 5 and has recently joined a recorder group pitched at beginners - for 5-11 year olds.

the other children are 8 and already play other instruments and read music.

We are on lesson 2 and I am finding the teacher sounds frustrated with DS at times. For example all week we have practiced a certain note. In the lesson she added a new note and was then getting frustrated I think that he couldn’t instantly get the fingering.

I think he will get the fingering with some practice but he is 5 and just doesn’t have the fine motor skills of an 8 year old who plays another instrument. I did say to her that I was concerned he was a bit younger than the others before signing up to the lessons but she assured me it would be fine!

just to be clear I was expecting him to find it tricky and that he would need to practice but it is more her sounding frustrated and putting him on the spot that I am not happy with. I want him to find the group fun and am worried it’s not going to be fun!

he was also expected to be able to read a simple
piece of music today and play it. He just can’t do this yet it’s his second lesson - the other children can already read music so they could do it. She drew attention to the fact he hadn’t managed to do this and pointed out he’d been “lost”.

I am now just not sure about the lessons even though he is very keen to go.

AIBU to want to say to this teacher to be patient with him? How will I nicely say this to her?

OP posts:
Springadorable · 23/09/2025 21:02

These aren't the right lessons for him. You can't have a successful group lesson based on age, it has to be ability and if the other kids can sight read then he needs to be in a true beginners class. I'd explain that he can keep doing recorder lessons but you need to find a different teacher first.

SkaneTos · 23/09/2025 21:03

I agree with @Springadorable .

Merryoldgoat · 23/09/2025 21:14

The lessons sound ridiculous @IDontLikeMondays88

You cannot effectively teach such disparate ages together in a group. Cognition, motor skills, comprehension are at completely different levels.

He needs true beginner lessons - a child who can play another instrument and read music is not a complete beginner.

Mischance · 23/09/2025 21:19

He's in the wrong group. Can you find another?

Original poster
IDontLikeMondays88 · 23/09/2025 21:20

Will I just say to her I think the age / ability range is too wide? I feel like even if we practice all the time he is just going to be so far behind them.
the thing is he does want to go and wants to practice etc but I do want it to be fun for him

OP posts:
Dramatic · 23/09/2025 21:20

How daft, how can she expect him to read music on week two with no direction?! I don't think it sounds like the right group for him, she's going to put him off

BogRollBOGOF · 23/09/2025 21:20

It sounds like the age range of the lessons is too broadly pitched and not suitable for typical 5 year olds. I'd try again in a few years when your DC has more coordination and can learn quicker.

Starwarsepisode3 · 23/09/2025 21:22

Yeah what @Springadorable said.

mamagogo1 · 23/09/2025 21:24

The others aren’t beginners, that’s the problem. My dd was offered recorder lessons/club when we moved into the area, within a week she’s mastered it because she could already fluently read music, was grade one on violin and was a probationary chorister. (She’s also autistic and had an aptitude for music), she was promptly moved into the intermediate class as these others obviously are too.

edwinbear · 23/09/2025 21:28

I’m not the remotest bit musical, but even I can see having a music group with Y1’s playing with Y6’s is never going to work. Some of the older ones will be having music lessons and playing recorder at school. I agree with PP’s that he needs a complete beginner group, surely it will destroy his confidence if he’s playing in too old/experienced a group and risk putting him music completely, which would be a real shame.

NorthenAdventure · 23/09/2025 21:46

Merryoldgoat · 23/09/2025 21:14

The lessons sound ridiculous @IDontLikeMondays88

You cannot effectively teach such disparate ages together in a group. Cognition, motor skills, comprehension are at completely different levels.

He needs true beginner lessons - a child who can play another instrument and read music is not a complete beginner.

Totally agree. The teacher is ridiculous to be teaching this range of ages and abilities together, and for telling you it would be fine. It's not; it's stupid. And not fair on your son or anyone else.

Mischance · 24/09/2025 08:15

Get a good child's recorder book and work through it yourself with him. There are some excellent books and even if you are not musical you will be able to follow it. Get yourself a recorder and learn together for a few books so that he can then join the group with the basics under his belt.

EsotericMnemonic · 24/09/2025 08:20

5 is very young to be expected to read music. Typically children should be fluent readers before they attempt that skill. The expectations of this teacher are way off.

CurlewKate · 24/09/2025 08:29

The recorder isn’t the right instrument for a 5 year old anyway-it takes a significant level of dexterity. And the age range of the group is absurd. Is it in school? Does he want to learn an instrument?

recordersaregreat · 24/09/2025 09:02

I started teaching DD the recorder during lockdown when she was 7. We practised together every day. It took her a month to reliably match B, A and G (the first three notes you learn) to music, and be able to read them correctly. And that was with daily help. She's now working towards grade 8 (and not being taught by me) - I mention that only to illustrate that she wasn't bad at it; it just takes time to put fingering and music together. I don't think this class is going to work for your son.

tripleginandtonic · 24/09/2025 09:06

If he's keen to go then let him go. He'll learn resilience and perseverance and the pleasure of "getting it".

CurlewKate · 24/09/2025 09:13

tripleginandtonic · 24/09/2025 09:06

If he's keen to go then let him go. He'll learn resilience and perseverance and the pleasure of "getting it".

Resilience and perseverance is all very well. But not if you’re trying to do something you’re not actually physically capable of doing surrounded by people who are actually physically capable of doing it.

My children are both musical and started out very young with good quality, therefore properly in tune, xylophones.

ShodAndShadySenators · 24/09/2025 09:22

She sounds a rubbish teacher if she thinks that a six year old who can't read music and hasn't played an instrument is going to get the same out of lessons aimed at much older, more skilled pupils. This is setting him up to fail, not make progress. It's unfair on him. He needs to be in a class of kids at a similar level for lessons to be effective, so I'd pull him out of this one and find another that is aimed at beginners.

Original poster
IDontLikeMondays88 · 24/09/2025 09:29

Thanks everyone. To be fair to him he has been resilient about it, he hasn’t complained or got upset. However I feel her expectations are really unrealistic.

she has now texted me saying she feels he was frustrated in the lesson and “still” wasn’t getting the fingering right. He has been learning for 1 week!!!! And to be honest from what I heard she was the frustrated one, he was trying his best and did not get upset or grumpy with her. he said at one point (nicely) that he was finding it difficult and she replied “but what is difficult about it?!”

This has solidified for me that she isn’t the right teacher for him. Had she been more patient with him I might have pursued private lessons with her but I am not convinced at all now she is the right teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
IDontLikeMondays88 · 24/09/2025 09:31

PS he has said he’s enjoyed the lessons and does want to learn an instrument.

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 24/09/2025 09:38

I’d find a new class or one to one teacher

Mischance · 24/09/2025 09:40

How sad it is that children do not learn these instruments as a matter of course at primary school as happened when I was young - it set me off on a lifetime of music making.

At the small rural primary school where I was governor I and others pressed for music with a receptive head and staff and now every child learns ocarina from day one and recorder from class 1. The musical stave is on the whiteboard so they gradually absorb notation. The first 15 minutes of every day is spent playing these instruments by every child, and there are opportunities to learn stringed instruments too.

It is time that all schools had these opportunities and for music to become standard in the same way that sport is. We are selling our young people short by failing to provide this.

Sheku Kanneh-Mason has talked about how the music that he was offered in his state schools started him on his journey to his current career - he has since revisited the school and has seen how the music input has dwindled. It is very sad.

sashh · 24/09/2025 09:55

I would just like to say you are a saint, taking a child to recorder lesson and practicing with him.

I think if he is enjoying it I would let him continue while looking for a better group, or as a PP said learn together.

ACynicalDad · 24/09/2025 09:57

He needs a beginners class

MaddestGranny · 25/09/2025 18:29

He really is too young, as other people have said. The teacher sounds awful.
Either get a v simple beginners book and teach him yourself - as someone else has already said. Or wait till he is older. About age 8 would be a good age to start in a small group of same-age/stage children.
Meanwhile, you may be able to find a "musical appreciation and dance" class, which would mainly be what we used to call "movement and music".

This would teach him, in a fun way, rhythm, rhyme, tone and pitch - much more beneficial for him at his age. Also, w'd have good spin-offs into learning to read.