Does the messiness of your house fundamentally affect the happiness of your household?

[Goders]

I’m SO frustrated. Over the last three months I was working away from the house for part of the week. And let’s just say the house became unkept. It certainly wasn’t a bomb site. But they all expressed how the state of the house in that state was annoying to them. Dh is particular. He said it was even depressing him! When I came home at weekends I had no interest in doing deep cleans. We could have got a cleaner in but I thought it eas a bit ridiculous tbh.

I am back to being a SAHM (I was helping DH with his business when working away, I used to work in the industry pre kids). And now I have the house back to a pretty immaculate standard everyone is much happier. You’d think I would find this a good thing. But it’s extremely frustrating. Why is my husband so bloody affected by the state of the house? That can’t be normal. The kids are even being nicer to one another. Things just overall feel less tense. The kids are happier too. My youngest said she didn’t enjoy the disorganisation! And I’m thinking have a bit of bloody resilience.

I do like a clean house but I don’t think I’m that anal that I’ve given my kids issues. I’m an easy going person

One of my friends admittedly has a messy house. Stuff everywhere. But they are a happy household. I’m jealous of them. That a bit of mess does fuck up their household.

Are we a bunch of weirdos?

I think I'd be far more bothered that they didn't do anything about it except complain to you and wait for you to sort it out! Why couldn't/didn't your DH clean the house??!

My house is never messy because it fucks with my brain when things are not tidy. It's my issue though so I'm the one that cleans and makes it tidy. I don't complain to other people about it while sitting on my arse.

So they did keep it in a decent state. Ie things were put away, fishes were done but it was just sloppier than normal. Cupboards disorganised, dustier etc,

I did next to no housework. When I was home. I wanted to be out with kids/walking the dogs.

My house has to be clean, tidy and organised at all times, if it wasn’t then yes I would feel angsty and irritated so yes to me it does make a big difference, when the house is in good order everyone is happy.

I can’t help but feel jealous of (messy) friend’s family who just get on with it

It matters greatly to me. Apparently it does to DH but never enough to do something about it.

I guess if the sloppiness bothered them they could have addressed it, and ofcourse you would want to and should be able to enjoy walks/time with kids when you were back instead of doing housework.

I'm with the others on this post - I can't bear an untidy home, it messes with my head.

Is it possible there is a bit of ND in the family op?

Personally I find immaculate houses a bit soulless and cramping in terms of creativity. I need a bit of "layered personality" to write, come up with solutions etc.

Definitely matters to me. I can't relax if the house is messy. I also notice stress levels go up amongst my children when the house is messy.
DH doesnt see it. He was brought up by hoarders and mess doesn't bother him.

If I had my time again I would never marry someone who has different expectations around tidiness to me. It's a constant source of stress.

I kind of get it. I find if the house is in a bit of disarray, I am a little unhappier. I can't relax sort of thing. It's a me thing though not my DH or children....although thinking about it they do argue less when their toys are tidied away / easy to find etc.
My house isn't immaculate with 2 young children but everything has its place. I just did a massive deep clean after a very busy 6 week summer holidays...it just feels nicer and happier now.

My house is really messy (my fault) and I hate it, but struggle to make a dent. However, we are really happy. I am determined to get it sorted one day.

I like it when the house is clean and tidy, but I'm a natural slob so often notice things are looking a bit grimy/dusty/unkempt, and need to work really hard to remember schedules and keep things looking semi presentable. To that end I try not to stress about it.

honestly your place must be immaculate if all you've got to moan about is disorganised cupboards!
i would love a tidier house, but we are renovating and with 2 young children our living room constantly looks like a bombsite because we have no room for anything so cramped is an understatement.
i have friends whose houses are so empty it looks like they havent moved in yet!
i do like to see some personality in a house though. not just a beige empty space.

Me too. A home should look as though it is lived in IMO. Not a show house.

Messy house messy mind!
Calm house calm mind.

but perhaps it’s only me and a few others lol. I just feel more relaxed and less anxious when stuffs not all over the shop. EG when washing isn’t over all the clothes horses and radiators. When the dishwasher isn’t nearing full and I have to fight to get another fork and plate in etc.

Good Feng Shui apparently says something along the lines of tidy is best. I googled as I couldn’t remember exactly what it said and it actually says this:

”(in Chinese thought) a system of laws considered to govern spatial arrangement and orientation in relation to the flow of energy (chi), and whose favourable or unfavourable effects are taken into account when siting and designing buildings.”

Presumably the flow of energy is disrupted by piles of clothes waiting to be put away or a thousand shoes scattered at the door etc…!

My dh gets bothered by mess also, whilst it passes me by. I don’t like a really messy house, but it doesn’t have be ‘show-home’ standard either.

Out if interest, how messy is your dh. Does he pick things up of the floor, make the bed, clear stuff away in the kitchen, empty dishwasher etc? Same for kids? If you’ve fallen into the trap of them expecting you to do it all, then you can start teaching them to contribute .

Yes, when our house is messy I’m way more irritable.
the kids can’t find their toys and activities. I can find their uniform or things for clubs and it’s adds to the stress. It’s fundamentally more difficult and stressful living in disorder, obviously.

but why on earth did they not sort it out, that’s the real question!!!

Just thought if an example if how it manifests itself on our household. When cooking, I tend to pile up all the dirty saucepans and clean up at the end, often after we’ve eaten. Dh prefers to wash up as he goes along, and maintains that’s the correct way of doing things.

No one is nd.

i don’t think my house is souless. We have things we have collected over the years around us.

I posted a pic of our kitchen and I got a lot of lovely comments. I think it’s a warm country house. Just with not too much stuff. I certainly don’t like grey and sterile.

I don’t mind things being out (books and toys out are actually cost to me) but at the end of the day I do like things to be put away.

There definitely is order. Ie we have a place for paper, stationery, scissors etc. but that fell by the wayside when I was working away.

I'm very affected by it, thought I was quite normal! 😄
We're having renovations atm, and living amongst it is soul destroying

I do find unclean a bit stressful. So not plates for washing up sitting in the sink etc.

But a merry scattering of toys or a few piles of books I quite like.

I grew up in a very big, very messy victorian house, I didn't care as a child (thought it was normal) but now I have a tidy (much smaller!) house as I feel stressed when it's messy. I also like people being able to pop over whenever, but I know what you mean... sometimes wish I still didn't care like when I was a child - I'd have a lot more free time haha

I'm sorry, but it their bloody mess. Are you the maid? You were not in the house, they were. The cupboards were not messy and dusty the week before ergo it was their mess!

As mentioned above, if they didnt like it, they could have done something about it aside from bloody moan at you it wasnt done. I think my main aim would be helping the info land that the Fairies don't so all this "housework" and maybe they need to do more themselves

If you open it, shut it
if you use it clean it and put it away tidily

It was their damn mess.

edit to add - yes a messy house does impact my view of the world.

Yup. I like clean surfaces, I like an empty laundry basket. It makes me feel in control. I like flowers in the kitchen.

The happiness I got from having glass containers and labels for my different types of flour and pasta and rows of ordered jars in a walk in pantry is beyond belief.

Control thing.

Just don't look in the drawers of crap.

My children and I have to have a tidy organised house- I can’t live with things being a mess it makes me mental