Does the messiness of your house fundamentally affect the happiness of your household?

[Goders]

I’m SO frustrated. Over the last three months I was working away from the house for part of the week. And let’s just say the house became unkept. It certainly wasn’t a bomb site. But they all expressed how the state of the house in that state was annoying to them. Dh is particular. He said it was even depressing him! When I came home at weekends I had no interest in doing deep cleans. We could have got a cleaner in but I thought it eas a bit ridiculous tbh.

I am back to being a SAHM (I was helping DH with his business when working away, I used to work in the industry pre kids). And now I have the house back to a pretty immaculate standard everyone is much happier. You’d think I would find this a good thing. But it’s extremely frustrating. Why is my husband so bloody affected by the state of the house? That can’t be normal. The kids are even being nicer to one another. Things just overall feel less tense. The kids are happier too. My youngest said she didn’t enjoy the disorganisation! And I’m thinking have a bit of bloody resilience.

I do like a clean house but I don’t think I’m that anal that I’ve given my kids issues. I’m an easy going person

One of my friends admittedly has a messy house. Stuff everywhere. But they are a happy household. I’m jealous of them. That a bit of mess does fuck up their household.

Are we a bunch of weirdos?

In the minority here but no it doesn’t bother me at all.

Yes I love flowers in vases - but don't mind elderly tulips dropping the odd petal, or floppy headed roses.

I don't understand how someone's house would get so messy as to affect the "happiness of the household".
And yes, I'm long term married.

I don’t really understand the soulless comments, when I look around my home it just looks warm, inviting and calm, I wouldn’t feel like that if there was washing all over the radiators, piles of stuff everywhere and shoes and coats strewn over the hallway, not sure why this equates to a house having soul.

I think it depends on the personalities. If one person is a bit messy and the others are equally so or don’t mind a bit of disorganisation then it’s fine. I’m a generally tidy person but I used to live with a man who was incredibly anal about housework and he made me miserable. There are different levels!

Well in truth washing on radiators looks a bit grim - especially people's pants.

Yes it does. I can't function if my house is messy - I find it really stressful and distracting.

My friend's house is messy and full of absolute junk. I feed her cats regularly and find it incredibly stressful just being in there for the 10-minutes it takes. She's a very nervy, negative and anxious person, and I genuinely believe its partly related to how full and messy her home is.

Pop psychology 101

I think you're a bit unreasonable for not getting that a bit of mess or dirtiness affects the rest of your household mentally and emotionally. That's not about resilience, that's about living in disarray, mess, and stress from that.

But, they're more unreasonable in not cleaning it themselves and whining about it to you expecting you to clean to a standard they're comfortable with. Messy cupboards bother them, they can rearrange them and tidy them.

Maybe it's time for a declutter and a cleaner.

Just reading this thread makes me feel stressed (no criticism - my own fault entirely). I hate untidiness and chaos because it makes me feel like I’ve lost control of everything. Yet, I struggle terribly to keep things clean, organised and tidy and always have, even though my children have all grown up and gone. (I do manage it, I just find it challenging.) I’m trying to be stronger with throwing things out because I have very, very low level hoarding instincts which I try to manage. I feel SO much better when I throw old clothes/things out but I do find it incredibly difficult. This site has been very helpful with suggestions sometimes.

I find packing to go on holiday mentally exhausting too and following recipes although I know that sounds crazy. But somehow it’s all related.

Why didn't your husband step up if he was so miserable?

I'm sure he knows how to do a deep clean.

I find messiness a bit depressing to live amongst tbh and prefer a tidy house. I would never moan about it to someone else though whilst doing nothing myself to fix it. Particularly if that person was working elsewhere to benefit me/my business, which sounds like what your DH was doing.

When the house is clean clean it exhausts me because then I touch something I have to put it away, I see a small smear I have to wipe it etc. at the moment our house is cleaner than usual but the very cleanest of you wouldn’t see it as that and I look around, think ‘not too bad’ and get on with life. When very dirty or messy it definitely puts me in a bad mood

My DH and one DC are autistic. They need the house to be as tidy and clean as possible otherwise it causes stress and anxiety for them.
My other DC has ADHD and I probably do, we are less tidy and less bothered by mess buI do try and keep on top of tidying for the sake of my neurodivergent family.

I’m not happy if my house is not tidy and reasonably clean. I can overlook dust but not crumbs on the floor. And if I’m not happy no one is happy.

i have taught my dc from a young age to help out by putting dishes in dishwasher making beds hanging up clothes and backpacks but it continues to be a work in progress.
DH is pretty tidy AND YET…I regularly get after him about “papers” he has hanging around cleaning up his bathroom sink and last weekend while I was getting ready he was leisurely perusing his phone while the breakfast I had made and eaten by both of us was all still sitting out. I put him right on it and in fairness he did clean it all but had to be told
to do it.

so to answer yes my household is happier becuse I’m happier but it requires everyone to help. Get your family to help and not wait to be asked or told but do it on thier own

I'm an untidy (and a bit lazy) person who loves tidiness . The state of the house definitely affects my state of mind. I can cope with it being messy, but it's not until it's clean and tidy that I realise it's been making me feel slightly stressed and fed up. It's the same at work (teacher). I've unprecedentedly managed to keep my classroom and desk tidy for 3 weeks and it genuinely makes me feel like a different person!

It really affects me. I can't relax or think straight in a messy house. I went to a decluttering workshop and they said that for some people, clutter and mess is like background noise when they prefer silence, and that's definitely true for me! Watch Stacey Solomon Sort your life out, and you'll see how much a tidy house can change people's lives!

I cant live in mess/things put of place

I love a "curated shite" home but everything has to be in its exact place.

I've been like this all my life, my favourite game as a child was Mary Poppins "Tidy up the Nursery" where i was Mary and I would make my untidy friends clean their bedrooms. Their mums loved me lol

I physically decline if the house is messy and dirty
DH who grew up in an almost hoarder situation also gets quite down if our standards slip due to illness or something - he's not as productive and feels more tired and ugh.
DC is harder to manage, quicker to temper, strop, harder to get up in the mornings etc.

I think most people do better in a clean, tidy, fresh smelling environment - just its easier not to admit it sometimes

.....this was DH for years, until he admitted it was laziness that stopped him from wanting to live a better more organised life - now he physically feels better doing a little more everyday to create a nicer living space and in doing so has a better, fresher mind set

I can’t stand a messy house. It’s like my brain just freezes and I can’t focus on anything. The best days are when my cleaner comes.

This is a bit like me and my husband only the other way around, he expects perfection and everything spotless although he doesn't do anything to make this happen. And I do like things to be tidy but I do everything so can only do so much so am really not that bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️ we have 3 primary aged children and I do encourage them to clean up after themselves but it causes me more stress to have to keep reminding them constantly so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why on earth didn’t the rest of your family clean their own home?? You’re not their slave. Bizarre behaviour.

I am not at all bothered by untidiness. I wish I cared more.

It is only weird that they hate mess but decline to do anything about it. Children are capable of dusting and DH can tidy cupboards.

I hate my house being messy and cluttered, it does affect me. However, im not a naturally tidy person and I hate cleaning, juxtaposition though that is.

My partner apparently needs a tidy house. What he actually means is a house I have cleaned and tidied allowing him to wander about babbling on about how organised he is. Dead easy to revel in the zen like state of your home when you do fuck all.

I actually don't like a super bare house - the type with one cushion at each end of the sofa - plomp, plomp, now it feels comfortable - a pot plant "because I love nature", and three or four "decorative ornaments."

Give me a teetering pile of books and a jumble of cushions any day!