To tell DM to stop

[Sicknessbugssuck]

My DM is constantly asking me about holidays and it’s so frustrating.
She sends me constant links to holiday “deals” with comments such as great deal, DC would love this!

She posts in our family WhatsApp group a few times a week asking if we (my family plus my sisters family) would be up for this week away here or this trip to so and so there.
its a constant barrage of Disneyland, cruises, all inclusive resorts, self catering villas… all of which we cannot afford which she well knows.

We’re a family of 4 with 2 children aged 5 and 3. Were yet to manage a holiday abroad with the children but have done many UK trips, mostly with my extended family.

It’s becoming really disheartening constantly telling her we are not in a position to book these sorts of trips but the reality is, if we were to be able to afford an abroad holiday in the future, we’d like it to be for the 4 of us… but she just does not stop asking.

My parents go on lots of holidays and talk to my children about how amazing it will be for us all to go on an aeroplane and to be playing in the pools and beaches together.

My DS’s family have travelled a fair bit but they visit my DBIL’s family abroad or visit family members homes which are obviously cheaper.

I’ve spoke to her on many occasions to ask her to stop and that if/when we find ourselves in a position to be able to afford these trips then we’d love to but for now, it’s just not possible.

AIBU to just ignore this topic from now on, it’s really tiring and depressing.

Next time she sent me a link I’d be responding asking if she was offering to pay for everyone.

If you’ve asked her to stop and she won’t, tell her your next step is to block her.

Yep, just reply with a stock message.
Exact same every time.
"That looks amazing - we cant afford holidays abroad right now.
Are you offering to pay for everyone?"

Copy and paste it everytime.

She'll initially get annoyed at you 🙄 then get the message and stop.

She sounds really oblivious. You will need to spell it out for her
"Mum, I don't know how many times I need to tell you that we just cannot afford any of these holidays so unless you'd like to pay for it could you please stop with all the links, they are making me feel inadequate and and a bit fed up"

Just send "NO. If you send anything else about a holiday I will block you"
She's being impossible.

next time she says anything about overseas holidays to the kids, just say "wouldn't it be lovely if Granny paid for all of us to go, as we can't afford it".

Push it back on to her - she's being out of line

Agree, you cannot stop her you can only manage your response.

Why isn’t she paying if this is so important?

I'd assume she was offering to pay for everyone....Genuinely, I can't think of any other reeason she'd do this.

I agree. She needs a final warning then block her

Yeah just ask if she is paying 😀

Its clearly just an interest she has and if she isn't paying then it is pointless all you can say it looks nice then move on.

She posts in our family WhatsApp group a few times a week asking if we (my family plus my sisters family) would be up for this week away here or this trip to so and so there.

Great, send over your credit card details I will book!

Edit; Every f.u.c.k.i.n.g TIME! Copy / paste if you can

when she says "why do you keep saying that? " bounce it right back to her

I love this.

With my MIL, when she suggested going to fancy restaurants with the entire family, my first response was always ‘ who is paying for that then?’ Shut her up , for a wee while. Her expectation was always that SH & I would pay, as SIL never worked , and she herself could not have afforded it.

It’s really rude of her. Call her out on it ever6 time.

Agree with the copy and paste ‘Looks great! Would love to come if you are paying?’

Not to mention that at 5 and 3 your kids would enjoy it but would definitely not remember.

Mine are about a decade older and holidays we did when they were 6 and 3, one vaguely remembers, the other nothing at all. waste of money to go somewhere too expensive...

we did a first holiday of a lifetime when they were 9 and 12 and it was the perfect age to get them involved

ah thanks everyone, so I’m not just being grumpy then!

this thread has come off the back of my eldest having a short stay at hospital for a planned procedure. My parents visited once we were home and my dad innocently saying “heard you’ve been on your holidays!” As a joke to DC. DM jumping on that back of that then saying all sorts to DC about how they’d feel better on holiday and how she wishes that’s where we were

We also camped at a family festival (without grandparents) in the summer. DC had a brilliant time and was telling DM lots of lovely details. DM was barely listening and then went into a monologue of how they’d love snorkelling and the water parks in x country

It’s getting so boring! I have in frustration mentioned if they were so keen would they be willing to pay. Her reply every time is to go into details of how we could use holiday payment plans and how it would only be x a month etc

In light of your last update - next time, say "That's enough Mum. Enough. We can't afford overseas holidays for the foreseeable and you are not helping by whipping up expectations so stop it". And yes - use your forceful voice. And get your dad on side too

Holidays with young children/children can be stressful and a lot of money wasted. My 8 year old likes familiarity, is particular about food and doesn’t like sunscreen. Yes there are elements of an abroad holiday she might enjoy. But the reality is it’s hard work being away from home for them AND for you.
Holidays are about enjoyment. Day trips are much easier at your children’s age. They honestly don’t care what country they’re in and like to be at home.
Ask if she’s going to pay for you all to get passports as well? Although it doesn’t sound like your reality had any impact on her wishes. She just wants her own fun of having you with her in her holiday (which is lovely). The reality life implications, practicality and cost of doing so doesn’t register with her.

Thank her for the great suggestions and tell her you’ll send some holiday pics as soon as you land

Agree.

Encouraging debt is gross behaviour....

I'd also be tempted to go down the "Why"route.
Why do you want us in debt?
Why are you showing the children things we cant afford?
Why do you keep doing this even though i have asked you to stop!?
Why are you tormenting me???? 😅😅😅

When she answers i think it would be nice or whatever.

You say its not nice. Its upsetting / horrible and I hate it. Stop it!

Reply “Mum- So you want us to get into debt for something that we dont want or can afford?”
“If you don't stop this I will be cutting down on how much we see you, its not fair on us or the dc so stop it”

DM was barely listening and then went into a monologue

I fear this is pretty common as people age. Can you just not respond and ignore it instead of engaging? It sounds like she's saying it more because she enjoys talking about whatever she's been looking at.

‘you need to change all your passwords…. because your account keeps spamming us with holidays you know we’re not interested in right now’

‘ooooh have you won the lottery and taking us all on holiday’

‘ah yes, we can all go on holiday when our numbers come in… actually we’ve not bought a ticket in years’

‘I fancy a 7 star resort on a private island. Imagine hand feeding dolphins when they come up to your room’

‘mum do you need to visit the doctor as your memory is terrible… how many times have I told you that we cannot afford to go abroad anytime soon.’

You need her to stop, she’s being pathetic my mum did this and I was like no, it’s not happening so just stop it.

She’s really rude and insensitive - I’d start to get angry with her especially as she’s involving your children. No child needs to feel like they’re missing out and it could be many years before you can all go abroad; you may never get to Disneyland etc.