To tell DM to stop

[Sicknessbugssuck]

My DM is constantly asking me about holidays and it’s so frustrating.
She sends me constant links to holiday “deals” with comments such as great deal, DC would love this!

She posts in our family WhatsApp group a few times a week asking if we (my family plus my sisters family) would be up for this week away here or this trip to so and so there.
its a constant barrage of Disneyland, cruises, all inclusive resorts, self catering villas… all of which we cannot afford which she well knows.

We’re a family of 4 with 2 children aged 5 and 3. Were yet to manage a holiday abroad with the children but have done many UK trips, mostly with my extended family.

It’s becoming really disheartening constantly telling her we are not in a position to book these sorts of trips but the reality is, if we were to be able to afford an abroad holiday in the future, we’d like it to be for the 4 of us… but she just does not stop asking.

My parents go on lots of holidays and talk to my children about how amazing it will be for us all to go on an aeroplane and to be playing in the pools and beaches together.

My DS’s family have travelled a fair bit but they visit my DBIL’s family abroad or visit family members homes which are obviously cheaper.

I’ve spoke to her on many occasions to ask her to stop and that if/when we find ourselves in a position to be able to afford these trips then we’d love to but for now, it’s just not possible.

AIBU to just ignore this topic from now on, it’s really tiring and depressing.

As usual first poster nails it. Respond to every holiday suggestion with “are you offering to pay”.

Just be blunt and rude back. Mum how many times have i told you to stop doing this,we simply can’t afford it, and unless you are prepared to pay we wont be going for years yet. You have to stop mentioning it to the kids as well, it’s not fair on them. If you don’t stop I will simply block you, and that includes seeing the kids as you are winding them up. The final straw was Dads crass comment about (kids name) beinh on holiday when xx was in fact in hospital, it’s not funny

Bloody boomers, with their triple lock pensions and houses that cost like a week's salary. How can they moan about how they "worked all their lives". My grandmother worked in an electricity board shop for 10 years and her public sector pension (and that of her deceased husband) and her state pension made her a 40% tax payer. For working part time for 10 years!!
Yes she took cruises and flew business class to Australia to winter with her daughter (and got cold winter allowance dropped in her account when she was sunning herself there).
That generation will NEVER understand.

Perfect. I’d do this!

I would reply and say “you know we can’t afford it, are you offering to pay?” Every time.

You've had all the advice you need. Please follow through and report back!

You do realise that not everyone of that generation...I won't say 'boomers' as it's offensive, have private pensions or are homeowners?

@venus7 I think it's satire.

Oh damn...it's not Andy Hamilton standard, but I'm distressedI didn't realise.
Damn.

I’d get angry, like really angry with her. When she starts on to the dc, take her into a different room or send out the dc and have a proper go. I can’t believe she wants you to go into debt in order to go abroad. Madness.

Send her even more expensive and ridiculous holidays and say, “Ooooh how about this!” I’m very old and since ceefax came out, my mum was obsessed with holiday surfing. She’s now known as Dora the explora! It sounds like her hobby and, by now, she KNOWS you can’t afford it!

THIS.
I don't like all the "we can't afford it" replies, you are just bringing yourself down.
The main reason you aren't going abroad with your DM is because she sounds like a boring PItA.
You need to either tell her that, or, more diplomatically, send her the above. And get the Photoshop Facebook page to mash up some photos for you.

Unkind. Especially when she knows you can’t afford it and that she’s not paying.

Is she showing off to her friends or something? Why dyou think she’s doing it.

Tell her that people will say she’s unkind - say it slowly, calmly and clearly.

I didn’t say they did, but you do know how generalisation works? I’m sure there are some poor people who live in Monaco, but if you can’t say “It’s full of millionaires” for risk of offending them then it will be a very boring conversation. The fact that Baby Boomers are the richest generation there has ever been and paid far lower taxes than we do currently and house prices relative to income were 1/3 of what they are now. They are the facts. Anyway it sounds like Rachel is coming for them in a few months, unless they get cold feet again.

I do know, thank you. Generalisation has it's dangers too; it tends to over simplify. You choose to ignore high interest rates, negative equity, etc.

We are taking our kids on their first abroad holiday in just over a week - they will be 16 and 18 😂

for most of their lives we just couldn’t afford it. We holiday every single year for at least a week but it’s UK based. This week away is costing us over £4000 which is about 3 times what we would usually spend on a holiday. We are unlikely to do it again anytime soon.

in fact DH has a big birthday next year, he thought about us going to Germany for a few days, then we looked a Poland then the other day he started looking a Iceland… yesterday he finally booked something- we are staying in the UK and going to a boutique hotel with hot tub, nice suit, spa bath etc. It’s cheaper than going abroad, we will have more time to relax as less travelling and we will have much nicer facilities.

I think your mother is being selfish and pushy. Maybe she is bored and wants to go on holidays and mini breaks and feels her husband‘s company is not enough for her and she wants you and your family as her entertainment.
Personally, I wouldn’t suggest to her that she pays for you all because if you did go, she could be very demanding and u would never hear the end of it for years to come.
it seems to be all about what she wants. There is little consideration given to what you want and what would suit your family. I think you need to be firm with her and tell her that you have made it clear that it’s not something you can do atm if she sends one more holiday link you will block her.

When she next sends a link & suggestion reply back to her saying 'That sounds great. If you're paying we'd happily go, if not then we can't afford it so won't be going.' or 'Thanks for the offer, if you can bank transfer the cost of the holiday over I'll get booked up'

This.

Or you can lay on the gush:

'Thanks so much for taking us on holiday. It will need to be during school holidays. I'll send you all the half term and Christmas and Easter break dates as well as all of our passport details so you can book and pay for us all. We will need 2 bedrooms, or preferably our own 2 bedroom apartment. You are amazing parents, thank you xxx.'

People seem to love this disingenuous gushing but far less hassle to just thumbs-up the message and talk about something else, imo!

Stop repeating yourself explaining the financial issues; she already more than knows and doesn't care.

Tell her one more time to stop talking about going on holiday as if it were imminent in front of the children because it's confusing for them, and if she continues, physically separate her from them.

This 'Boomer' & her kids have never been abroad @Putneydad7
With extended family or without.