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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex’s belongings at my parents for over 2 years

57 replies

allaroundtheworldd · 22/09/2025 10:52

So my ex cheated on me and was emotionally abusive to me for the year we were together. He also gaslight me and managed to cheat on me the whole time we were together (including messaging legally underage -17 year old girls when he was around mid 20s)

I went no contact with him in late 2023 but between our break up and the no contact, i asked him so many times to come get his multiple bags of stuff from my parents house. This never happened

It’s now 2 years later, the stuff is still at my parents, they are trying to move and want it out. I am engaged and live with my partner and I now have these bags taking up space and giving off bad energy in our spare room.

What on earth do I do with them? I really don’t want to contact him as he’s been so dreadful to me in the past and I am scared of him. I don’t feel comfortable messaging his mum either and i don’t remember her address to drop it off. These are also large bags so I wouldn’t want to have to go there and possibly be seen. Me and my partner can’t really afford to DPD them (esp given the amount of debt i’ve been paying off that this ex left me in)!!

What would you do?

I have people telling me to sell and donate the money/use it to pay back the remainder of debt he left me in, other people saying do not do that, people saying donate it etc and i just want it gone but ive been putting it off for years now

OP posts:
Pudmyboy · 22/09/2025 12:07

Shame you can't send him a text with a date just after your last plea, saying 'thanks for collecting your stuff'..
Is there any record of the contents?
If no proof what can he claim was there?
Could you say you opened the bags and it was literally rubbish, old wrappers/take away stuff/bottles so you binned them and who knows what happened to his stuff...

MyMilchick · 22/09/2025 12:11

Throw it out

MyMilchick · 22/09/2025 12:12

amicisimma · 22/09/2025 11:58

Bin it.

If he asks gaslight him. Say 'You picked it up ages ago/random month, don't you remember?'

This is genius. Love that

Original poster
allaroundtheworldd · 22/09/2025 12:13

Pudmyboy · 22/09/2025 12:07

Shame you can't send him a text with a date just after your last plea, saying 'thanks for collecting your stuff'..
Is there any record of the contents?
If no proof what can he claim was there?
Could you say you opened the bags and it was literally rubbish, old wrappers/take away stuff/bottles so you binned them and who knows what happened to his stuff...

I have a feeling he actually has blocked me on whatsapp etc (because i told his mum about his cheating lol) so i probably could and it wouldn’t deliver but it’s a risky game!

I did actually look back on old messages by searching ‘bags of clothes’ in my texts and found texts of me telling him to go get the bags (my parents were willing to leave them outside and not speak to him) and he refused in case he crossed paths with my parents (my mum is disabled and my dad has heart problems so they would have struggled to get the bags to him as they were heavy and would be needed to put in and out of boot!) This was early november 2023 and there has been no mention from him or attempt to collect since!

OP posts:
ladybirdsanchez · 22/09/2025 12:16

It's been nearly two years OP and he hasn't tried to get his belongings back, so it seems he doesn't want it back. I'd sell, donate or dump (depending on what you can be bothered to do!)

Pudmyboy · 22/09/2025 12:17

https://www.cripps.co.uk/thinking/what-happens-if-following-divorce-your-ex-wont-collect-their-things/#:~:text=You%20can%20serve%20a%20statutory,and%20may%20dispose%20of%20them.
This is a link from a similar thread posted earlier this year, looks like as long as you give him notice, you can dispose of the items. it may be worth seeing if the text messages you sent would be considered appropriate notice?
(perhaps to collect from your parents as they are moving and so won't know where they are, plus avoids him knowing your current address?)
Good luck!

Mymanyellow · 22/09/2025 12:20

Take them round his house and set fire to them in the garden?
No not keen on that? Just throw them away.

Whyherewego · 22/09/2025 12:20

I'd get someone to message him ie not you to say "your items will be left outside the house for you to pick up this Saturday. If you do not pick them up then they will be disposed of"

Then it's super clear and I'd just take them to the tip after that

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/09/2025 12:24

FFS at everyone saying bin it!! Do you not give a single stuff about landfill?

OP - donate it or sell it if you can. Please don't just make "binning it" your first option. You don't owe him anything in terms of trying to return it to him.

Ohthatsabitshit · 22/09/2025 12:24

Take it to his work place and leave it for him.

Toesy · 22/09/2025 12:31

Bin it means dispose of it, not necessarily putting it actually in a bin!
I bin clothes regularly via the local charity shop.
It is an expression that covers dispose of!

LuckyNumberFive · 22/09/2025 12:34

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/09/2025 12:24

FFS at everyone saying bin it!! Do you not give a single stuff about landfill?

OP - donate it or sell it if you can. Please don't just make "binning it" your first option. You don't owe him anything in terms of trying to return it to him.

It just means get rid of, doesn't necessarily mean put it in your kitchen bin! Just like "bin them off" doesn't mean putting someone in the bin.

DiscoBob · 22/09/2025 12:40

Sell it if you can be arsed or just take to dump/arrange collection.
It's a shame you should have to go to any effort or cost but it is what is.

Tablesandchairs23 · 22/09/2025 12:44

Dump it. He clearly doesn't want it.

YouOKHun · 22/09/2025 12:44

Whyherewego · 22/09/2025 12:20

I'd get someone to message him ie not you to say "your items will be left outside the house for you to pick up this Saturday. If you do not pick them up then they will be disposed of"

Then it's super clear and I'd just take them to the tip after that

I would do as @Whyherewegosays. If you have someone who could message him to say,

‘following on from Allroundtheworldd’s various messages asking you to collect your belongings from her parent’s house. She has asked me to contact you to say the items you left there will be available for collection on [date] between [small time window] after which they will be disposed of as there is no longer room to store them’.

Lavenderandbrown · 22/09/2025 12:45

There really is no much legal recourse
for him for personal items left behind for over two years. He can try it out if he can afford a solicitor and court fees and time off work for some bags of clothes but how likely is that? Bin it and if he asks say I do not know what you are talking about. And then shut the door. He won’t come looking for them and it’s been way too much thoughtfulness on your part and inconvenience on your parents part.

DelphiniumBlue · 22/09/2025 12:47

He left this stuff at your parents house. So get one of them to text either him or his parents to say it will be disposed of on x date (eg this weekend) if not collected as they are moving, and he will need to let them know 48 hours before.
If he does say he'll collect it, you can leave it outside their house immediately before he's due. If he doesn't reply, then get rid of it.

BilbaoBaggage · 22/09/2025 12:48

Take to the nearest charity shop. Inform him they are there. He can buy them back if he wants them.

Mwwoman · 22/09/2025 12:53

Could you get a friend (a man?) to message him on SM saying if he doesn’t make arrangements to collect the stuff by x date you will be getting rid. (If he does want to collect it just arrange for the bags to be outside at a certain time. You don’t need to see him.)

kasho5 · 22/09/2025 12:59

Sign up for a storage account in his name on their free trial. If he ever pays the bill he'll get his stuff back.

Pices · 22/09/2025 13:04

Bin it and block him if he contacts you.

Tootingbec · 22/09/2025 13:13

Bin it - literally take it all to the dump and chuck it. Don’t waste a moment longer trying to sell it or donate it. Don’t even bother opening the bags.

And then if he ever asks for it, feign ignorance “what bags/stuff? I’ve got no idea what you are talking about…”

LeaderBee · 22/09/2025 13:14

Sounds a lot like you've made some cash on eBay to me.

Blueuggboots · 22/09/2025 13:15

Throw it away? It’s not giving off “bad energy” unless you let it.

TottenhamCake · 22/09/2025 13:15

YABU for holding on to it for so long and not binning it. I chucked my exes stuff away the second he left my flat without taking it with him.