To not apologise for partner feeling left out

[Itsmeeee888]

my partner and I can’t stop arguing over who is right here and I feel he is unreasonable and abusive over the way he acted ! Basically went to a friend of mines wedding so granted he knew no one there except my friend ( the groom from uni days ) so can understand he was a bit uncomfortable but I didn’t really know anyone either . Anyway , got talking to someone I had met 15 years ago as a teenager through the groom . My partner stood in the conversation and did make some small talk but obviously didn’t engage as much … even though I felt like I tried to include him . I got bored of the convo and went to toilet . Came out expecting him to stil be talking to the same person or at least still outside yet when I when outside the groom called me over so being polite I went over quickly to say hello and chat thinking my partner may have gone to the bar or toilet and would come find me . Then he comes over and makes up and emergency ( basically saying we need to leave ) I didn’t realise he was sitting opposite side of the room just watching me as I felt obligated to see my friend the groom etc … in the car on the way home ( he was drunk and me sober ) he screamed at me the whole hour and half way home saying how left out he felt and how I didn’t care about him etc etc ! Which is not true I was just trying to make convo and trying to get him to join in ! He then even opened the door mid motorway causing me to pull over !! I’m an extremely nervous motorway driver and suffer panic attacks and he knows this ! Finally stopped at traffic lights after him arguing with me and he just jumps out and legs it !! I drive off thinking to leave him calm down to then come back and he gets in the car refusing me to get out and listen to him arguing ! This argument is going over and over about how I’m wrong in leaving him out and not caring about his feelings and how I need to apologise but I completely refuse to apologise as I feel I’ve done nothing wrong !! Or have I ?? I knows it’s annoying listening to peoples convos but he completely over reacted in my opinion and he could have engaged more as it was more general chit chat about kids and life etc 😩

I’d be far more worried about about the traffic light stuff than anything.

He sounds like an nasty and insecure man - and, I just couldn't stand all this horrendous drama!

The hills are that way love, you should be running for them.

you can talk for days about the etiquette of who should talk to who at a wedding and ten different people will have ten different options but that doesn’t matter. He’s screaming at you while you are trying to drive and opening car doors on the motorway. He sounds scary. I hope you are safe.

He sounds absolutely unhinged.

Dump him immediately. He is a piece of shit. Then get some therapy. And do lots and lots of reading around healthy relationships.

Demanding you leave and then screaming at you 🚩🚩🚩 dump him and don’t look back. That is abusive.
i had a boyfriend like that jealous and controlling it will only get worse.

I understand him struggling at the wedding if he doesn’t know anyone, but he could have sat in a quiet corner on his phone. His behaviour is really shocking. It reminds me of an abusive ex boyfriend of mine.

He sounds like a child. It was your friend's wedding, and she/he kindly invited your partner (or a plus one), but he threw his toys out of the pram and got a sulk on because he didn't know anyone, and you had the audacity to go to the loo and leave him on his own for a few minutes. Is that correct? Sounds like he needs to grow up and learn to behave like an adult.

He sounds mental. You could have killed someone or been killed. Absolutely terrifying. The wedding talk is a red herring here.
please focus on what happened on the road and get rid of him straight away. Involve the police if you have to

That would be relationship over for me.

Look - he may well have been bored, you may have not been the most considerate.

Nothing can justify him shouting at you and behaving in that manner.

You know all those threads where women are 5 years in with kids, stuck with an abusive man, saying they ignored some signs early on.

This is your sign. This is it. If you end it today you’ll be free tomorrow.

I'm surprised you're still with him after that!

Hi @Itsmeeee888
Is this behaviour out of character? If typical, I would examine your reasons to exist in this relationship.

If out of character and you want to stay with him, I would suggest marriage counselling as there are other issues brought about - his abusive, unacceptable verbal attack as well as putting you in physical danger on the roads. If he has a drink issue, he would also need to tackle that.

I can understand him feeling awkward. It also seems he was jealous. His reaction amd behaviour is not OK x

Get rid.

He's insecure, petulant, selfish, lacks impulse control and is dragging you down.

He’s not your partner.

what did he think would happen at a social event where he knows noone? What were you supposed to do when someone you did know spoke to you-say you couldn’t speak as your boyfriend would be bored?
enjoy being single! If you stay with him after this
vile behavior on the way home it will give him the green light to do it over and over

No you haven’t done anything wrong. You are ok to talk to other people in his company. He’s a grown man he can either join in the conversation, start a conversation with someone else or entertain himself.
Your dp did several things wrong however-
Expecting you not to talk to other people at a wedding
Expecting you to give him your full attention
Making up an excuse to leave instead of talking to you
Shouting at you
Berating you when you did nothing wrong
Behaved dangerously in the car

If he’s usually amazing and thus is a random occurrence egged on by alcohol I’d expect a full apology and would tentatively give him the benefit of the doubt. Anything less I’d end it. You don’t need tgat in your life.

He probably was bored and you probably could have done more to include him or incorporate him into conversations. But that’s not the issue. His subsequent behaviour was unacceptable. It would be a dealbreaker for me and I would end the relationship.

Oh dear, you've got a right fuckwit there. Do you want the rest of your life to be like this?

I’ve literally told him everything you guys have said yet I’m in the wrong and I’m too far up my ass to apologise apparently! I’ve thrown him out my house tonight as he’s been in my face and antagonising me . I got over this insident to only go to another wedding 4 days later to him trying to drag me home because I “left him “ to go for a vape with a friend and then it escalated to me being taken home in a police car as he wouldn’t leave the premises without me and the security man thought it was safer I left alone !! Literally I need a restraining order but not sure how I can get one or something similar as I know he won’t leave me alone 😭 I’m sorry I said my partner but I’ve tried so hard to forgive and make things work as it’s so hard breaking him away from me … I’ve tried for a whole week now but he keeps turning up at my door , bombarding me etc etc and I’m actually scared of what he will do now . I know this is all abusive and it’s easy to say get rid but literally I don’t know how . Even with restraining orders etc . He just black mails me or does what ever to force it to work . We have a baby together and I’m scared of him making stuff up about me to get custody or just anything it’s so hard to leave . I don’t know if anyone understands that . I feel so stuck

you must call the police and contact women’s aid for advice.

Call women’s aid. Call the police. Call any trusted friend or family member who will help keep you safe. Call a family lawyer to get advice on the child arrangement orders. You can escape this. You have done nothing wrong. Feeling safe in your own home is not a privilege, it is what everyone should have. Ending this relationship will not be easy but you can do hard things. Good luck OP x

The hills are that way love, you should be running for them.

I love this! And totally agree. Hope you’re ok op.

thank you . I feel almost like I’ve been living like this so long that it’s almost normal but I’m scared for my baby to be brought up around this plus before I got scared of his suicide threats or threats of taking him or smashing my house etc . It’s a bit complicated too . His lives with his mother and currently she ( who is lovely ) is trying to get custody over her grand daughter(his niece ) so I also worry this means she will go in to care if he is seen to be living there with this against him . But I told her tonight she will have to kick him out the house as I need to put my baby first now .

The fact he:

• Forced you to leave an important social event involving your friends because of his feelings
• Forced you to leave without discussing it/manipulated you into a situation where you felt you had to leave (just to trap you in a situation where he could really let loose on you). He knew you may not have agreed to leave so he did it in such an underhanded way, which is wrong as it totally ignores that you have other important people/events in life.
• Became so emotional because you were speaking with people you know/and or because they were other men, and the situation didn’t shine a spotlight on him. He is setting the tone that he expects you to always put him at the centre of everything.
• Screamed at you (wrong in of its self but it is also a massively disproportionate reaction in this situation)
• Had that level of emotional outburst over something you couldn’t have anticipated
• TRIED TO EXIT THE CAR ON A MOTORWAY TO PUNISH YOU BECAUSE HE HAD SOME SENSITIVE FEELINGS/INSECURITY
• Exited the car at the traffic lights. Repeated behaviour of trying to cause you distress. Knowing and understanding your anxieties and triggers.
• Will not allow you to end the argument or pause it. This causes emotional distress to the person on the receiving end who can’t escape.
• Expects you to apologise, not recognising the batshit behaviour he has just put you through- deflecting/gaslighting
• Had such an outburst and expects you to apologise for a situation that was purely caused by his own insecurities and was outside of your control
• Such a big, overwhelming reaction. He held this until you were in private- planned and calculated, away from everyone at the wedding where his behaviour could be observed.

This highlights how much of a red flag this man is, and his potential to go on to be abusive. His behaviour towards you in this incident was manipulative, controlling, scary and abusive.