Should we be calling out low level bad etiquette in public?

[Chaosclassic]

I don’t like conflict and when low level stuff happens I just think ‘what a twat’ in my head and move on.

But today I am wondering should we be calling low level poor etiquette stuff out? Otherwise how will anything change.

If so what are polite and direct ways to pick people up on this and move on?

Do you have examples? Sometimes it is safer to just ignore people and move on.

What constitutes as low level bad etiquette?

Like people not queuing, people not holding doors open and actively closing them behind them when people are clearly waiting. Barging down narrow spaces without waiting or making some form of communication to say thank you if the other has waited. Just general low level poor behaviour. It’s not a big deal but makes life in general unpleasant on a societal level.

I do.

I'd love to but its more than your lifes worth sometimes. I dont want to end up being punched in the face so I say nothing.

The only time I do this is when I see kids/tweens doing something dangerous with no adults about then I usually think I should say something.

E.g. I said a polite "are you alright, are you looking for a ball?" to my neighbours girls when they were sitting on a garage roof for no reason and they sheepishly got down.

This is still typcially done in schools to teach kids how to be part of the society, but as soon as parents find out their kid has been told to behave better, they complain.

No, I value my safety. It’s not my job to police other people’s behaviour.

I find myself commenting all the time. The latest was the other day when a woman parked part of her car on a zebra crossing so you couldn’t see the oncoming traffic. I loudly explained to my kids that they were at risk of being run over so that she could park as close to the school as possible, but it was ok because her kids were safe. I know. I’m a dick lol.

The whole point of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable by behaving in an expected and socially accepted way. There is no polite way to call out people you don’t know for not behaving the way you expect.

Etiquette isn’t quite the same as manners and respect - I think of etiquette as “pointless” rules ( you must take your hat off in church) and manners as saying thank you to holding a door

i think it’s important to focus on one and not the other

What do you say? I want a few one liners up my sleeve that are polite but direct in acknowledging this is not acceptable behaviour.

You could, but I think it ends up with people aggressively attacking/calling out those who are safe - women, children etc. and absolutely no-one will call out the massive scary dude.

So some groups would be overpoliced despite mot being the issue and others who are the issue would be very carefully ignored.

This is an interesting take. I say etiquette because it is really poor etiquette which I have been noticing.

Poor etiquette can be excused or softened for most of the time if someone atleast acknowledges and says sorry/ thank you or makes some effort to make acknowledgement of the situation.

I've been told off by others when I've not noticed a queue and I've certainly pointed it out politely to other people.

A firm "you're welcome!" to unacknowledged or unreciprocated everyday politeness in public usually gets a reaction.

Can you give an example?
Etiquette can differ lots even in the same cpuntry e.g. in some places its polite to leave your newspaper on the train for someone else to read/in others it's seen as littering etc. or in some libraries you are meant to leave your books on the table rather than attempt reshelving them yourself etc...so people wouldn't necessarily know they are being rude.

I think it is possible to do it but I think it takes skill. Someone corrected me a while back and it was quite helpful. This is what happened:

Every morning we all had to walk down a narrow pathway to get the kids to primary school. It was always a bit complicated with lots of parents and small children and occasionally nutters trying to cycle down the path with everyone already there.

The path was about 10 feet wide, with 6 foot fences on both sides, and very tall tree trunks on one side that made it even narrower. The bit that we could walk on was about 5 feet wide and the remainder was all nettles and tree trunks.

One day I was plouging my way along staying really close to the fence on one side in the hope of making it easier for people going the other way to pass on the other side. It also meant there was just room in the middle for the tiny children who were inexplicably bombing along the middle of the path on their tiny bikes.

One of the ladies who was a parent in our class was coming towards me in the middle of the path. As she approached me she turned to her DC and said "Come on Darling, walk on the righthand side, Mrs Lights is on the continent this morning!"

It was only when she said that that I realised that she expected me to walk on the left. I was walking on the right partly because there was a massive tree stump sticking into the other side of the path so I always walked on the other side.

I have no idea what side I should have been walking on, but it was a nice gentle way for her to indicate that she had a view on what was happening. I thought it was kind and funny.

Isn't this what polite passive aggression is for?

"Thank you so much" for a door slammed in your face

"Oh don't let me stop you, you're clearly very important" when someone barges you out of the way" Or "Oh I'm terribly sorry I'm standing in your way"

"No, no, please you go ahead" when someone queue jumps

Not quite the same thing that you asked, but I try and take the offensive and be polite first, e.g would you like to go in front of me, I see you only have 2 items? I hold open doors and let people who are elderly or infirm get on the bus first, even if I was there before them. There is a narrow alley near me and if littles are approaching on bikes or scooters with a parent I always stop and make eye contact so they know I’ve stopped for them and in the hope they model good behaviour to their kids by recognising that and saying thank you

I do, if the rage descends and/or I don't think I'll get punched.

As I was walking out of a supermarket recently a woman took her bags out of a trolley and abandoned it right in the doorway, in front of me and an older woman walking behind them. I shouted something like 'Oy, you can't just leave that there!' She told me to fuck off. So rude, I just can't believe someone would have so little consideration for others.

I’ve done that sort of thing before. Outside my DD’s old school there was quite a wide pavement that parents used to reverse onto and park perpendicular to the road. It wasn’t quite wide enough for this, so the cars would be right up against the fence on the other side of the pavement - pedestrians could squeeze past but wheelchairs and prams had to walk round the car into the road. They’d reverse on without looking and just expect people to move - a child ended up in hospital once after being hit. The parents also tended to just sit in their cars with their engines on. So I would quite loudly announce to DD that some people like to park very selfishly with no concern for others.

But I don’t think this is an etiquette thing. I think it’s a “being a cunt” thing.

YANBU, but I think there'd need to be an official "campaign" of some sort that people could reference?

“Calling out”? How old are you?

I’d reply to a thank you so much with a you’re welcome. I’ve had a couple of those passive aggressive comments over the years and there has been a genuine mistake as not knowing someone is wanting the door etc.