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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain to my mom

31 replies

Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 13:49

When I was 9, my mom remarried to a man who had two daughters - 6 and 8yo. They were only with us for holidays.

Every Christmas (for 8+ years), I would receive 2-3 practical presents (a coat and shoes for example) while they would open up 10-15 fun presents each in front of me. I told my mom that she should have taken me on a walk or elsewhere so I wouldn't have to see them opening presents while I got very little.

She said I should have understood that we were struggling and not been so immature about it.

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 13:50

No words

BakedBeansforabrain · 21/09/2025 13:51

I bet this has been copied and pasted from Reddit

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 13:52

BakedBeansforabrain · 21/09/2025 13:51

I bet this has been copied and pasted from Reddit

What? No I just wrote it

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 21/09/2025 13:56

So did your mum buy your presents and your step-dad bought his children's presents? Did you mum have a lot less money than him?

Katypp · 21/09/2025 13:58

No. I think you should move on and stop churning this over and dwelling on it.

O00ps · 21/09/2025 14:10

He was probably making up to his kids with gifts if he wasn't in their lives much.
But that should have been explained to you, or managed in a more appropriate way. It would seem very unfair if you weren't treated to gifts as well.

What was your birthday like? Did your step Dad take you places, buy you ice cream, occassional treats when his children weren't around?

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:14

thepariscrimefiles · 21/09/2025 13:56

So did your mum buy your presents and your step-dad bought his children's presents? Did you mum have a lot less money than him?

Correct

OP posts:
Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:14

O00ps · 21/09/2025 14:10

He was probably making up to his kids with gifts if he wasn't in their lives much.
But that should have been explained to you, or managed in a more appropriate way. It would seem very unfair if you weren't treated to gifts as well.

What was your birthday like? Did your step Dad take you places, buy you ice cream, occassional treats when his children weren't around?

No I also got clothes/shoes/school supplies but it was fine because there wasn't a contrast

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:21

Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:14

Correct

Show quote history

So all this is on your mum.

And she really couldn’t afford a couple of little fun toys?

either way… what on earth has brought this all up today? What is your relationship like with your mother now?

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:35

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:21

So all this is on your mum.

And she really couldn’t afford a couple of little fun toys?

either way… what on earth has brought this all up today? What is your relationship like with your mother now?

Show quote history

I was reading the thread about inheritance of bio vs step kids and remembered all this. I guess she couldn't afford any toys.

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:37

And you raised it with her? Or you have raised it with her in the past?

Sux2buthen · 21/09/2025 14:38

No, you should have been treated the same. When you blend you should fully blend or not at all. I’m sorry, that must have felt shitty

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:40

Sux2buthen · 21/09/2025 14:38

No, you should have been treated the same. When you blend you should fully blend or not at all. I’m sorry, that must have felt shitty

It was the step father’s prerogative to buy whatever the hell he wanted for his children

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:47

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:37

And you raised it with her? Or you have raised it with her in the past?

I raised it with her, told her that it would have been good for me to not have to watch them open toys I wasn't allowed to touch

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:48

Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:47

I raised it with her, told her that it would have been good for me to not have to watch them open toys I wasn't allowed to touch

Show quote history

And she basically said “it is what it is and my finances couldn’t stretch”

ok, not great, far from great. But… the key is, aside from this ONE time of year, what was your mother like?

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:53

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:48

And she basically said “it is what it is and my finances couldn’t stretch”

ok, not great, far from great. But… the key is, aside from this ONE time of year, what was your mother like?

Show quote history

She was usually good and sacrificed a lot for me

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:55

Well focus on that

Original poster
Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:59

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:48

And she basically said “it is what it is and my finances couldn’t stretch”

ok, not great, far from great. But… the key is, aside from this ONE time of year, what was your mother like?

Show quote history

And that was fine but why did I have to be present in the room for them opening presents and smirking at me? It would have cost nothing to go outside with me or to the park etc

OP posts:
SouthernBelle21 · 21/09/2025 15:08

Do you not think she would have given you more if she could have? If you bring this up now, don't you think it's just going to make her feel shit about something she can't do anything to change at this point?

"Blended families" (hate that phrase by the way, as they never seem to be truly blended) are horrible, because you're never going to be able to treat everyone the same.

Those children didn't have the benefit of having their dad in their lives full time, which he was probably trying to make up for.

If I was him, I would almost certainly have bought you a couple of fun bits to go with the practical gifts, but maybe your mum didn't want that.. maybe it made her feel inferior. You just don't know!

But I don't think there's any point in bringing it up now.

AgnesMcDoo · 21/09/2025 15:12

I think it’s awful when children are treated differently like this

shitty behaviour by the adults.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 15:13

Kate8889 · 21/09/2025 14:59

And that was fine but why did I have to be present in the room for them opening presents and smirking at me? It would have cost nothing to go outside with me or to the park etc

Show quote history

So you’re not going to focus on

She was usually good and sacrificed a lot for me

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 15:14

AgnesMcDoo · 21/09/2025 15:12

I think it’s awful when children are treated differently like this

shitty behaviour by the adults.

Indeed.

But the OP raised with her mother, her mother gave a pretty shitty response BUT would seem was otherwise a good mother aside from just Christmas

so why stew any more

smallpinecone · 21/09/2025 15:17

God almighty, let it go!

Don't you think your mum was trying her best? Parents generally do. If she could have given you more, she would have done. Do you not feel any gratitude for the sacrifices she made?

Move on, it’s long passed, have a happy life.

Sux2buthen · 21/09/2025 15:22

as I said before, if you blend you should commit to full family and same treatment for all of the kids

LizzyEm · 21/09/2025 16:00

SouthernBelle21 · 21/09/2025 15:08

Do you not think she would have given you more if she could have? If you bring this up now, don't you think it's just going to make her feel shit about something she can't do anything to change at this point?

"Blended families" (hate that phrase by the way, as they never seem to be truly blended) are horrible, because you're never going to be able to treat everyone the same.

Those children didn't have the benefit of having their dad in their lives full time, which he was probably trying to make up for.

If I was him, I would almost certainly have bought you a couple of fun bits to go with the practical gifts, but maybe your mum didn't want that.. maybe it made her feel inferior. You just don't know!

But I don't think there's any point in bringing it up now.

Op didn't have the benefit of a father in her life but no one trying to make that up to her.

The stepfather was obviously a bit of a cunt so he wasn't any prize replacement.

The stepsisters sound horrible too, smirking and not sharing or giving a toy to op.