For being depressed at time passing?

[GrumpyCowBag]

I know I am being unreasonable but couldn’t think where else to put this.

I am 44 and recently I can feel really quite depressed at the thought of life disappearing. Life seems to pass so much faster now. My kids are adults, my parents are getting older. And I find it depressing time is running out for my parents and then it’ll be us.

I really have to try and distract myself when my mind starts spiralling as I can get really upset about it.

And then I start telling myself how lucky I am. My parents are still here in their 70s. I’ve made it much further than people who have died a lot younger than me. So I do completely appreciate how lucky I am. I just feel so sad if I think about how fast time is passing us by.

Of course is doesn’t help that all of a sudden I look so much older! Wrinkles everywhere, grey hair, loose skin, sagginess. I promise I’m not a shallow person but it’s all just adding to the feeling that time is running out.

Am I alone? Does anyone else feel this?

Please give me a reality check!

I’m 44 and I feel exactly the same. I often get random memories of my grandads Boxing Day parties where our big family, aunts, uncles, cousins etc would all get together. Then I realise that out of all of those people we were so close to at the time - most are now dead, divorced or NC. All it just seemed like it was only yesterday we were all so happy and care free.

I’m sorry you feel the same. It’s not a nice feeling. I wonder if it’s our age, I’m hoping someone older will come and say they felt the same at 44 and it passes xx

I was split on this one. Time passing is good - it men’s we’re alive. However, now that I’ve reached midlife and can’t believe how quickly it’s gone and how little I’ve achieved - time passing is depressing.

Absolutely, I know I’m lucky as I know people who have tragically passed away much younger than me. I just have this awful feeling time is running out, especially when I think we might have maybe 10 years left with my parents if we’re lucky :( gosh it’s just depressing :(

You’re not being unreasonable for it to play on your mind, but that way madness lies. You have to make a concerted effort to think of something positive every time it creeps into your mind. If you’re noticing wrinkles etc now, remind yourself that in ten years time, you’ll be wishing you could look like this again. If the year is going by too fast, then make an effort to enjoy every bit of it. Adjust your priorities, sod the housework and spend time with your parents and/or your DC. Work your way through a bucket list while you’re still young enough and fit enough to enjoy it.

ETA - I think this might be my last year with my mum. I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her. I want to make sure that I know who she is as a person and learn everything I can from her, while I still can. I’m going to enjoy the time I have left with her.

I’m 61 and definitely feel like time is passing too quickly. Both me and DH have lost our dads and while we’re still lucky to have our DM’s they’re both 83 and we’ve also been to 3 funerals of extended family already this year, it does make us think about our own mortality.
All of this makes me think just live life, take the experiences we can fortunately afford to do and enjoy life whilst we’re healthy enough to do so, while still knowing we’re leaving enough financially for our DC’s to benefit.

I am totally with you (am a bit older, 49..50 in November ) and it's getting worse for me. I can't believe how fast time has gone. Feel so nostalgic for past times and it's making me so sad 😞. Kids are grown (mostly, last one is 14 next week but is more mature for his age and doesn't want to hang out with us oldies anymore 😔.

I’m only 33 but I feel like for the first time I’m beginning to realise how quickly time goes. How can people who were in their early 20s in 2015 now be in their 30s? (Like me). I think it’s a mix of seeing younger family members who I remember as babies turn into adults, as well as losing grandparents in recent years who I thought would be around forever.

I also feel like I finally have the realisation that old people used to be young. I know that sounds really silly but even though you technically ‘knew’ that elderly people were once babies/kids/young adults it always felt like an abstract concept. But it doesn’t anymore.

I’m 49 and feel the same. For me it’s partly because as I get older the number of people I know who’ve died increases and a feeling that - as depressing as it sounds - this world is the most fragile it’s been in my life so far. I try not to dwell so I mindfully divert myself to do something positive. But it’s still there at the back of my mind - knowing I’m (much?) closer to the end of my life than I am to the beginning of it.

It’s hard. I think the same, most days.

Just to add, I heard about an acquaintance a few weeks ago who passed away who was a few years younger than we are, so sad but it made me realise that while we have (luckily) no parental responsibilities just now, to take the trip, have the day out, enjoy life while we’re healthy enough and appreciate how fortunate we are to have financial freedom to be able to do what we want, pretty much when we want. To add, we do realise how bloody fortunate we are as there as so many people who aren’t in our position

I'm 73! Yes 73! Ancient or what? But I don't feel it... The only time it hits home is when I look back and think, "my god, was that really 30 years ago?"
I think if you try to look after yourself then it won't be a shock looking in the mirror. Keep an eye on your weight, don't go grey, wear a bit of makeup and just stay interested in what's going on in the world.

I’m 63 and I suddenly went like this around covid time. I used to find elderly people nearly all depressing and miserable, constantly on about ailments - but it’s certainly focussed my mind as to why so many over 75s may be as they are - friends dying off, family dying off, no work to distract , many people no longer interested in you unless you can benefit them in some way -I’m not saying I’m like this- I’m definitely not - but I have a little more empathy as to why many seem unhappy and demotivated .

And following on from my depressing post - I’m more like you !! So slap that face on, do your stretches, have the holidays- enjoy each day -lol!!

I get it too. I m 57 and realised that the number of "death anniversaries " I circle on my calendar has increased so much in the past 5 years.
I miss my Dad who passed away age 79 4 years ago and that destabilised my world as it was unexpected in his sleep. He d always been my rock.
Mum is 84 and I dread losing her too although she's OK at the moment. You never know. Also I don't live in my home country so it's more of a worry.

My dc are 37 and 31 and I m very aware I can no longer protect them from all this world can throw at them but I ve made sure I have decent life insurance at least.

If I don't think about it I almost feel like I m still about 38 but having had a horrible virus lately I realise I m not as fit as I was.

I m grateful to still be here though. Many of my friends from school and college years aren't.

I'm 60 and have been to a lot of funerals in the last couple of years. It's not the age that bothers me, but I find myself wondering who'll still be here next year.

I'm nearly 70 and it does feel like time speeds up the older one gets! I recall past things and can't believe it was 30 years ago, news that happened seems like just a few years ago but was 20. I don't feel the age that I am, it doesn't feel real. However I know at best I have far years left than I have already lived, and indeed am fortunate to have lived for this many. I am a Christian and do believe in life after death so when this life is done I will have an eternal life to look forward to, so that definitely helps!

It's possible you'll live for as long as you've already been alive.. and it's forever you've already been alive really! Think of all that's happened.. how you've changed, how the world has changed, all you've been through... well you've got all that over again!!
You'll maybe see grandchildren.. your kids becoming middle aged and all the life events they go thru..
Try not to fall into the trap of feeling like it's going so fast. Because altho it can feel that way it really isn't.
It's just a bit shocking when you've been doing so much caring for your kids and then suddenly they are grown and you look up and go 'oh God I'm 44!'
I do think time seems to speed up when you parent young kids as they grow so fast in front of you.. but I think it does slow down as they reach adulthood

I’m mid 40s and do feel it, as I’ve lost people, but trying to live a life that excites me and interests me really helps. Makes me feel I’m alive and living each day
I look better than I ever have, having more fun than I ever have had, appreciating nature, food, people

just Googled this to see if anyone else ever feels like life is passing them by, and this thread came up.

I’m turning 44 this month. Yesterday, my beautician told me she was going out to celebrate her friend’s 25th birthday, and it triggered a memory of when I had a big party for my own 25th — back then I was engaged, and now almost 20 years (and three children) have gone by, just like that.

I guess these moments remind us of our own mortality, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing. They can help us refocus on what really matters. Still, I can’t help but feel like, “I don’t have much time, so I’d better make the most of it.”
I recently changed jobs, and I’m so grateful I did, because if I were still stuck in my old role, these feelings would probably be heavier.

For anyone else who feels the same, I’m sending you lots of love — and the reminder to focus on yourself, on what truly matters, and to take those steps (big or small) that help ease this feeling.

I hear you. Lost one of my best pals this year, she was only 57. Been to 2 funerals this month, another one will sadly be soon. I am 50 next year and feeling pretty sad at the passage of time.

I totally get it OP, but I am 61, so quite a bit older than you. My father died earlier this year, he was old and ill and ready to go. For the first few Weeks I felt relief that he was not suffering anymore. However, now I feel very emotional that I won't see him anymore and I don't believe in any afterlife. But to get back to your point , what you seem to be experiencing is a kind of anticipatory grief. Obviously as humans we are the only species which know that they are mortal and aware of what the passing of time means. I have lived in a small village all of my life and you can see time passing in a very poignant way. Sometimes marked by big occasions, im certainly attending more funerals than weddings these days! I get what you are saying about ' then there is only us' , and that is where I am now. My generation is soon going to be the outgoing one. It takes up a lot of my time in introspection trying to work out what this means, even though I still work full time in a demanding job. There are a few comforts to be had, at least I didn't marry the guy who was a handsome twenty something with a dangerous reputation and a motorbike , who is now fat and bald and reads the daily mail! I don't have an answer to help you come to terms with this inevitability. Except that latley I have started to have a feeling that there us a kind of beauty and even comfort in the passing of time and looking at the little kid in the pushchair and realizing that he has in inherited hhis great grandfather's nose!

Mostly, I'm relieved about it.

But I find if time is going quickly, it's a sign that nothing dreadful has happened. Sorry if that sounds incredibly negative, but I feel as if I've been through a lot.

So the periods of time that go quickly, I'm so grateful for them.

Time flies when things are going well. It absolutely crawls when they're going badly.

This is what is called a midlife crisis OP - that realisation that life is finite, that we will all die, that the people we love will die, that life is always changing and often not for the better. What's interesting is that studies show that the most contented people tend to be older, so I assume that we all, at some point, make our peace with this depressing fact and just live for today, because none of us knows how long we have and it's better to really live our lives while we have them, than mope around because we aren't going to live forever.

Edited to say: 44 is really not old! I'm 51 and when I read your age I thought 'Pfft! You're still young!' Seriously, don't dwell on this, no good can come of it. Make the best of the life you have, you're probably only halfway through and have plenty more great years ahead of you.

Same OP. Losing my parents has really sped things up for me, realising that I am now the age they were when remembering past events has really made me realise we are not here long. Also I think we don’t live one life as such, we have a series of different stages of life each lasting 5-10 years. So you are a baby, then a toddler, child, teen, 20’s young adult, 30’s parent of a baby young children, 40’s adult children, 50/60’s retired etc. obviously the exact ages will vary (I had my last baby at 42)and not everyone will have children but each stage has its own challenges