Update on Unpleasant Altercation

[zerofeeling]

Original thread from July https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5366159-unpleasant-altercation-who-was-the-most-unreasonable

TL:DR - I was harassed by a off duty police officer after a minor traffic incident in an isolated area. He abused his position to look up my address details and generate an official form which he hand delivered to our house. He followed this up a couple of weeks later by making an unauthorised visit to our house. I made an official complaint via 101.

A couple of the supportive posters asked if I could update at some point so I wanted to do that, I also wanted people to know that the Police genuinely are trying to deal with their 'bad apples'.

Professional Standards have now told me that the officer involved in the incident is being taken to a Misconduct Tribunal (probably won't happen til early next year) meanwhile he's been removed from all public-facing duties. The other off duty officer who was with him has been given a disciplinary on his record.

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and supportive posts. 😊

Well done OP.
I don't believe the police will ever truly appreciate the damage the terrible Sarah Everard murder by a police officer has done to perceptions of the force.
I would never stop and open a door to one now.

He was known as a wrong 'un by his colleagues and was spoken of as such on WhatsApp messages.
They knew well he was dodgy.

Domestic violence is rife within the police.
I used to be very trusting.
Never again.

Well done OP.
Entitlement and abuse of power appears alive and well in the police when you read of behaviour like that.
It attracts a type whom believe intimidation is their right.

Well done for getting the outcome you wanted. I'm glad the police bothered to investigate the behaviour of the 2 off duty officers because that's often the first hurdle so well done for persevering. Plenty of police officers out there that abuse their power but at least there are 2 less now.
I still think that the way you reacted and behaved was wrong. And had someone driven into my car, refused to give their details and driven off, I would have been very angry. Thankfully I'm not a police officer.

Well done op on 2 counts. Firstly on keeping your cool on the first thread, second on not taking this lying down.

I can’t believe he doubled and trebled down on his original bad behaviour afterwards. What an idiotic arsehole!

I didn’t read the first thread but I am glad that you reported and bad apple has been suspended.

Well done OP. That was very brave of you. It must have been a stressful experience.

The thread also demonstrates that so often very vocal posters join threads and utter absolute shite, with an air of knowing what they’re talking about.

Well done for complaining.

Fantastic result. I too was appalled at the amount of posters who saw nothing wrong with his behaviour. Just goes to show how many women excuse shit behaviour from men.

I wouldn’t open my car door to a maid officer either. Not a chance. Not after Sarah Everard. But even before that I was wary - my father always told me to never get out for a male police officer, instead drive to the next police station and get out there

How awful! Hope you’re ok OP, and I’m glad you got a positive outcome.
Can I just ask - and I hope you don’t mind - but does it unnerve you that he knows where you live?

Well done @zerofeelingfor standing up. I’ve had one encounter with the police in my life and it was a terrible one. I now dislike and mistrust the police as a result which is surprising to people who know me if the subject arises.

I'm glad this has had a positive result. I didn't actually believe he was a real policeman behaving like that so equally I'm glad that he's being reprimanded.

So, so many people on that thread, repeating inaccurate information in such aggressively self righteous tones. Well done to you for hanging on in there.

I really hope the police officer on your previous thread reads this update and does some serious reflection.

I didn't see your thread at the time but having read through just your own posts now quite a number of posters owe you an apology for the nonsense they posted. You did well to stay so calm

Good outcome

Yes that was bad! 😮 I'm hoping it's not true that she's really Police.

To give that poster the benefit of the doubt I think possibly she went in too hard on her first post and then tried to save face rather than admitting she was wrong

Maybe she'll see this and apologise

Well done OP, sadly too many police officers these days believe they are above the law and not held accountable to strict guidelines. Really proud of you for standing your ground!

Good for you OP. I remember your original post and could see exactly where you were coming from. After Sarah Everard's murder it is comforting to hear the police have taken this seriously, those men that day really should have known better.

Agreed. I remember it and can't go back for a recap, it was too frustrating at the time!

What happens if the hearing against him does not go in your favour? Might be an idea to await the outcome?

Ivy gone and read the previous thread. I hope that many of those posters have had a bloody long hard look at themselves over the last few weeks. Truly shameful comments. But I doubt it.

Your responses were measured and I applaud you for that. I don't think I will have managed that grace.

Even if this does not lead to dismissal it is a record which may add to others.

Personally, I find female police officers more drenched in misogyny than male (exH was police sphere let's say). The female officer commenting demonstrated that.

Well done.

Yes, I felt really scared that he might just completely lose it and come back to take revenge on me for the complaint. I've had contact with victim support and I feel better at the moment but I wouldn't be surprised if he and the other officer are still planning to get back at me, especially if he eventually gets demoted/dismissed.

The men clearly behaved very wrongly at the time of the incident, and even more so in subsequent events. OP was right to report them and it’s good that they are facing the consequences of their actions.

But that doesn’t alter the fact that the OP was wrong in not giving her details at the time, when there were reasonable grounds to assume that she had caused a collision which might have caused damage, not immediately evident, to their car.

These two things are not mutually exclusive.

Perhaps you missed the post where OP states she reported the alleged accident and was told it wasn't necessary.

I think if he has accessed the police database for personal matters, the OP isn't the problem. His behaviour becomes the problem.