In thinking this 'sorry' butters no parsnips?

[SadPanda]

Friday before last I had my annual aclasta dose to treat my early osteoporosis. At one point the nurse said something about a slight reduction in kidney function from last time, but it was said in the middle of a lot of other information and it didn't register as she quickly moved on to other stuff.

That evening I looked at my online journal for something else and saw 'new' on the diagnosis tab. Clicked on it and it said 'stage 2 kidney failure'. WTAF? So I checked the notes for the appointment and she'd put 'stage 2 kidney failure, patient informed'.

I was beside myself with worry. I hadn't registered the seriousness of what she was saying and had asked nothing. Bearing in mind I'm currently being treated for breast cancer and am already at breaking point.

I managed to get through to the surgery on Monday and a nurse explained a bit about what it meant and tried to calm me. She booked a callback from the dr for Friday to get all my questions properly answered.

So I spent the week genuinely thinking I was dying. That this is another complication of my breast cancer. And basically crying all over the place.

The dr rang up and pretty much said 'Oops, sorry, we fucked up. Ran your results through the wrong tool. You don't have kidney failure, your kidneys are fine. Sorry about that'.

Obviously I'm pleased to find out I'm not dying. But still, sorry just doesnt butter the parsnips.

AIBU?

Honestly, I think I would be so relieved that I wouldn't take it any further. The NHS are stretched to breaking point, mistakes happen. What do you want compensation?

What more would you like beyond an apology? I'm not saying you are wrong to be upset/cross, but I don't really know what else can be done? People make mistakes unfortunately.

I have no intention of taking it any further. I'm just trying to process the WTAFness of it.

But why would them buttering parsnips for you help ?

Well, what do you want from them?

They made a mistake, they fixed it and apologised.
Yes, I'm sure it was extremely stressful and scary and unpleasant for you, and also they're overworked and doing the best they can.
Sometimes shit things do happen, no-one means to make mistakes.

Sorry is all they can say, but it just seems so ... I don't know.

Have you ever made a mistake at work? Because if so, then it’s only fair to make allowances for others. They didn’t intentionally mislead you, and I would be eternally grateful that the mistake was as it was - you din’t have kidney problems - rather than having been given the all clear, to then be told, actually, you do have a problem after all.

Fil once got a call to return to hospital asap. That involved a flight back from their holiday.
One terrified elderly man and his dw...
Got to the hospital and it was mistaken identity. Surname misspelt by 1 letter. . Errors happen.

*no parsnips whatsoever either..

It's human error. They're not infallible. Be relieved it wasn't the other way round. It would have been worse if you had kidney failure that hadn't been noted it

Humans aren't perfect. They noticed their error and apologised - I'm not sure what else you want or expect?

That sounds like a stressful experience. But seriously, what else could they have done other than say sorry?

It is horrible op, Id say you’re shook with the worry but great it’s not that x

I once had a barrage of very invasive tests because a blood test had shown iron/red count/whatever was seriously out. I was told they suspected an internal bleed and possible cancer. All clear, results back to completely normal suspiciously quickly by next blood test and I discussed with my GP, asking if it could have been a mistake. He thought so. I was a bit concerned that someone genuinely ill could have had something missed if there was a mixup but nothing could be done.

You were sensible in following up and clarifying and I'm glad you're in the clear.

I do get you've had a stressful time -it's great it's nothing to be worried about.
I've had a few mistakes made by doctors and a pharmacy (a misdiagnosis after them reading results incorrectly and someone else's prescription) but what can you do? They apologised, they made mistakes and put them right afterwards. At least it's a positive follow up and not a negative one thankfully. I hope you continue to stay well and improve.

Sorry you went through that. It sounds so difficult. Wishing you luck with your treatments.
I'm guessing what you would have benefited from was more acknowledgement from them on how much of an impact their mistake had on you emotionally.

I'm glad you don't have kidney failure and the week of worry must have been awful.

What would you like them to do other than say sorry though? I have never in my nearly 50yrs heard the saying buttering parsnips so your analogy is completely lost on me! 😕

Not sure why you're being told they're human, everyone makes mistakes etc. as you're not questioning how this could possibly have ever happened to you.

It's about their attitude.

Maybe realistically we have to expect errors, but it's not their place to shrug and act like it's no big deal to them when it clearly was to you. They should take responsibility and treat the mistake and the issue itself with the seriousness it deserves.

Sounds like nurse who dealt with your initially query was more empathetic and informative. You'd expect the doctor who called back to treat the whole experience with a bit more professionalism and gravity. It's not too much to ask.

Also, love that buttering parsnips metaphor. First heard Joe Lycett using it incredulously about a response to a complaint letter he sent, which was amusing.

Fine words butter no parsnips. A very old English expression.

I'm sorry you had such an awful week, OP. I think you're just venting here, aren't you, and who can blame you? We all make mistakes, yes, but this one has caused you a lot of worry at a time when you don't need any more. Fortunately it's turned out to be not as bad as you feared. Focus on that, if you can.

The full version is "fine words butter no parsnips"!

OP, it's really understandable that you're shaken up by this, especially when already dealing with breast cancer. I think because medical people deal with so much, they can get a little bit blasé about the distress a mistake this can cause, and probably are just thinking "she'll be relieved it's fine". I'd just try to put it behind you now, and focus on your recovery.

https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/140835/why-do-fine-words-butter-no-parsnips#:~:text=When%20you%20say%20that%20%22by,as%20'butter%2Dstinkers'.

They didn’t notice their mistake though, the OP had to point it out

I agree. What if you hadn't followed up? Would it still say you had kidney failure?

First @SadPanda I am really happy the test results were negative and your kidneys are fine so you can go on only worrying about what you need to.

As to the hospital error and apology I am totally sympathetic to the OP and I think the answer really depends on the form of the apology.

I don’t think it is possible for the doctor to do more than say sorry. Mistakes do happen. However, OP is human and went through a week of hell so I would hope the apology sounded heartfelt and genuine, and acknowledged the upset the error must have caused.

Sadly too often it is assumed that mistakes will be made and accepted, and apologies are made in a matter of fact way without any feeling, as if the person is reading “now say sorry” from a script. They serve a box ticking purpose but don’t make anybody feel better. Worse if anything.

If the former, and OP was made to feel human and understood, then I would say her parsnips were beautifully buttered, seasoned and tossed. She can ask for no more.

If the latter, then I think she would have grounds to feel unhappy with her dry, slightly burnt tasting side dish.