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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dating new guy - competitive comments

55 replies

confuseddating · 19/09/2025 20:45

I’ve been dating someone for 3 months and things are going well so far, but I’ve noticed that when we’re having a conversation that he often diverts it to himself and it feels like he’s trying to compete / ‘out do’ me.

here are some examples

  1. I had a busy day recently, I mentioned it on a call and started to explain what had happened, he cut over me saying ‘I’ve had the busiest day ever, because of x,y,z’

  2. we were having a deep conversation and I said that it has been a really tough year for me (I’ve had some shit things happen this past year), he cuts over me saying ‘no one has had a harder year than I have because of x,y,z’

  3. I bought a new car recently, I drove it to his place and whilst I wasn’t expecting him to be overly excited about it, he didn’t say a word - I asked if he liked the car, his response was ‘yes it’s nice, I used to have that model, it was top spec’

  4. we were at my house and something was said about my kitchen, I said I need a new one as it’s really old now, before I could finish he interrupts telling me that in his last house he had a brand new kitchen that had loads of extras and cost £25,000

  5. on our second or third date he commented on my handbag - ‘I know how expensive that was, I bought several for my ex’

  6. one afternoon I mentioned an activity I was going to take my DC to, I notice on social media 2 hours later that he’s doing said activity with his DC (neither of us have done this activity with our DC since we’ve been together) - he may have genuinely thought my idea was a good one, but in a weird way it felt like him competing

I’m not a competitive person or a braggy person, so I feel that these interactions are weird, it’s almost like instead of being happy for me (with the car) or hearing me out (when I said about the tough year) he has to get his point in about how he’s done better / worse. These are just a few examples, I could probably think of loads more.

when he does these interruptions, I let it slide, I don’t pull the conversation back to myself - but I’ve started noticing them more and more and doing an internal eye roll.

Other than this, we have a good time together and I enjoy his company, I just wish we could have conversations that flow where we each say about our experiences instead of him cutting over me and proving how he’s ’out done’ me.

my aibu - this is a red flag. Or am I noticing something that’s not really an issue, he’s just making conversation

OP posts:
Dozer · 20/09/2025 07:41

YABU for dating him for 3 months, with those examples!

Woompund · 20/09/2025 07:42

confuseddating · 19/09/2025 20:52

Chat gpt’s opinion on this is that he may be insecure… (yes, I’m sad enough to have asked AI about this!)

ChatGPT puts a positive spin on everything. Don't rely on it for advice on dating!

GarlicBreadStan · 20/09/2025 07:42

Bin him off. Can't fucking stand people like that. It's not going to get better. He'll find more and more things to one-up you with. You got promoted at your job? Well he got promoted at his job 20 billion years ago and got a £15,000,000 pay increase.

Obviously I'm exaggerating, but yeah, cut ties with him now or it'll end up exhausting you.

landlordhell · 20/09/2025 07:43

Throw him back op he sounds awful.

Hardhaton1 · 20/09/2025 07:59

Well, I can’t imagine why his ex divorced him. Can you have?

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