Dating new guy - competitive comments

[confuseddating]

I’ve been dating someone for 3 months and things are going well so far, but I’ve noticed that when we’re having a conversation that he often diverts it to himself and it feels like he’s trying to compete / ‘out do’ me.

here are some examples

1. I had a busy day recently, I mentioned it on a call and started to explain what had happened, he cut over me saying ‘I’ve had the busiest day ever, because of x,y,z’

2. we were having a deep conversation and I said that it has been a really tough year for me (I’ve had some shit things happen this past year), he cuts over me saying ‘no one has had a harder year than I have because of x,y,z’

3. I bought a new car recently, I drove it to his place and whilst I wasn’t expecting him to be overly excited about it, he didn’t say a word - I asked if he liked the car, his response was ‘yes it’s nice, I used to have that model, it was top spec’

4. we were at my house and something was said about my kitchen, I said I need a new one as it’s really old now, before I could finish he interrupts telling me that in his last house he had a brand new kitchen that had loads of extras and cost £25,000

5. on our second or third date he commented on my handbag - ‘I know how expensive that was, I bought several for my ex’

6. one afternoon I mentioned an activity I was going to take my DC to, I notice on social media 2 hours later that he’s doing said activity with his DC (neither of us have done this activity with our DC since we’ve been together) - he may have genuinely thought my idea was a good one, but in a weird way it felt like him competing

I’m not a competitive person or a braggy person, so I feel that these interactions are weird, it’s almost like instead of being happy for me (with the car) or hearing me out (when I said about the tough year) he has to get his point in about how he’s done better / worse. These are just a few examples, I could probably think of loads more.

when he does these interruptions, I let it slide, I don’t pull the conversation back to myself - but I’ve started noticing them more and more and doing an internal eye roll.

Other than this, we have a good time together and I enjoy his company, I just wish we could have conversations that flow where we each say about our experiences instead of him cutting over me and proving how he’s ’out done’ me.

my aibu - this is a red flag. Or am I noticing something that’s not really an issue, he’s just making conversation

He is a prize wanker, you think he is bad now?

Wait until he is fifty = he will be UNBEARABLE.

RUN.

funnily enough this guy is also ex pro-footballer! I haven’t noticed these competitive comments with anyone else though, only towards me.

actually, come to think of it - when we’re around his mates he’s complementary about me, eg he’ll tell them about how well I’m doing in work or mention my new car, it’s just dawned on me that he is doing the competitive thing with them by bragging about my achievements (how cringey!)

He sounds jealous of you. I would just start replying ‘oh course you have!’

Not even making a fuss of your new car is just bitchy. He sounds a twat.

He's a basic bitch.

Wow, how's the sex life ? I can't see how you can find him attractive, he ux quietly destroying your self regard znd selfvesteem. Stand up for yourself and tell him you need break from it all. Make up some shit about a huge work bonus then say your off on a trip, alone!

First post nailed it. Thrown him and his overinflated ego back in the sea. He’s a twat!

Dated a guy like this, He could t cope with my successes. I dumped him after few months in the end. I want someone who supports me in life not puts me down

Super-competitive one-upmanship. Whether he does it because he's 'insecure' or any other reason - who cares? He's a twat.

We call these sorts eleventeeners.

Not sure this is competitiveness, being nice it sounds tone deaf, bordering on dickhead.

I'm highly competitive - you tend to be curious about other people's achievements?

Ask chat GPT what it thinks about it through a feminist perspective.

If he’s this insecure and braggy and me-me-me in the honeymoon period, just think what he’ll be like a year in, or ten. 🚩🚩🚩

Oh God I know this kind of person, absolutely insufferable always bragging about how much money they earn, how big their car is, not elevenerife or twelve rife, more like twentyerife and often the owner of a very small todger 🤣🤣

The bin’s that way ➡️

God what a bore! He’ll never be happy for you, proud of you, encourage you, because it’ll always be about him.

Who cares why, maybe he is insecure? It’s not your job to fix him. And why would you want to try, he sounds awful.

He's an Elevenerifer.

They are very draining to be around.

I'd find that absolutely unbearable and it would be the end for me. I'm sure it's probably because of some deep lying insecurity issues or something, but I just couldn't be bothered to work through it. I'd rather end it at this early stage and get on with my life. There's something so repellent about braggers and one uppers. I'd also find it mortifying if we carried on dating and he behaved in that manner with my family and friends. Don't waste your precious time.

He sounds pretty insufferable to me. And clearly threatened by a women whose head is switched on.
I would need to say something to him though. Never mind the internal eye-roll … he needs to know! Otherwise how can you possibly move on from this and how can he do better (of course he should have enough self-awareness already!).

To add, our neighbours are very much this way and we can only tolerate them in small doses. We went to dinner with them and it was just constant showing off and telling us what they had and why it was better. In a lot of their examples we actually had the better version or type or holiday or whatever, but just couldn't be arsed to play games about who was "best". It's so, so boring and we just don't care. We just nodded along. They are actually a sweet couple outside of the terrible bragging and preening and waffling on about themselves but the thought of being in a relationship with one of them (or someone like them) gives me the horrors.

I know someone like this. We call her two shits. As in - if you've had one shit, she's had two!

@Hairymunter I so want to know if it's the same guy @confuseddating

I was going to ask if you were dating Trump and be sympathetic but now I see you are conversing with a stupid robot I withdraw my sympathy.

Ignoring the car …that is so embarrassing for him, he’s dreadful OP how could you stand to look at him now

He sounds awful OP.

Is he very very impressed by you and a bit gauche…trying not to seem overawed but actually running to catch up with you?

it IS a bit cringe. Which is very unsexy, ultimately, unfortunately.

How tiresome! You maybe happy to tolerate it now as it's still early days but imagine if it's still the same in 5 years, that will grate on you.
He's insecure and self-centred, is this the person you want to build a future with?
Throw this one back

Yes, he's bragging about you because that makes him look like a better guy. He wouldn't complain about you because they'd wonder why he was with you. He's bragging to show what kind of woman he can pull! Honestly, this really is not going to get better. And yes, that X of yours who used to get you in a state of anxiety so that you would fail… This one could be his brother!