Christmas and birthdays with no acknowledgment

[Purpleismyfsvouritecolour]

What would you do?

Every year for birthdays and Xmas, I put aside money each month to afford Christmas and birthday presents for my teenage/adult step children, nieces and nephews. Every year, my husband and I don’t even get a thank you. For our birthdays, we get a text if we are lucky from my step kids. We all have a great relationship, but as I organise it all, I’m sick of getting all stressed out to afford these occasions. I know I don’t give to receive, but surely a telephone call or acknowledgment on the gifts/money would be nice. What would you do? I feel like putting my foot down, but then I go soft just before and give in and then give them all money and gifts, only for the cycle to be repeated. Thank you 🙏

I just wouldn't bother anymore.

They clearly don't appreciate it,so why stress yourself out?

Dont do it this year. Spend it on days out for you and DH. Spend it monthly so you cant backtrack late December...

Id just stop and use the money to treat yourself.

Just stop bothering.

I would stop giving gifts to the adults and stop teenagers at 18. The cycle isn’t going to change unless you change it.

I'd stop bothering. I bought Christmas gifts for my niece and nephew since they were born, but I didn't even 'know' them as I hadn't seen them for years.

When they hit 18, I stopped.

I never got a thank you. In todays world of technology, a text, WhatsApp .... a bloody smoke signal would have been nice. But I never received a word of thanks.

We stopped buying gifts/giving money for adult Nephews and Nieces after their 18th birthday. I think people understand that with the COL - you can’t keep buying things for ever!

If they can't even be bothered to say thanks, I'd stop all presents for anyone over 18 (or possibly 21 if still in education).

Anyone below that age, send them £20 in a xmas card.

Stop doing it. No need for a discussion or debate just stop doing it. Don’t feel guilty, there is nothing to feel guilty about; if the recipients appreciated the gifts they would be in touch. Save your money and if you find yourself caving in ask yourself why you are so eager to continue with a tradition that no one appreciates and that you don’t enjoy.

I think it’s fair to change the assumptions when everyone involved is an adult. Giving a child an unreciprocated gift is expected but once they’re teenagers they should put in some sort of effort (doesn’t have to be financial - something homemade or thoughtful is fine!)

Id just stop this year and treat yourself.

I stopped sending money to neices and nephews who didn’t acknowledge receipt, at 18. I have continued with the ones who send thank yous and they are now in their 20s, so the rude ones are missing out!

It is rude and annoying. Especially when you are posting gifts and don;t know if they get there. I had a rude nephew 19 and when a gave him a gift in person - that also had a hefty value Amazon voucher in it - despite me giving it in front of him - he never said thank you. I went to get a drink and saw he had put the gift aside so said to him - did you see the voucher too, and he said - 'yes'. No word of thanks. Now I buy myself nice each year with the money i would have spent on him, or book a facial and I simply do not care.

We stopped after the 18th,but gave for new babies and weddings.

We did eventually get a Thank You letter from one couple for their wedding present because the groom's mum-our friend- kept asking me if we'd received one.She was clearly frustrated that they hadn't been sending Thank You's to people and had been badgering them to do something about it .The letter arrived on their first anniversary -better late than never😂

Card only to everyone over 18.

Card with £20 in it to under 18s.

Thank you all. What about Adult Step children?

Stop bothering.

I would suggest doing a secret santa between you, your husband and the step kids.

Do a £20 limit, and then everyone is just buying one gift each.

Add your name to the card/present that your DH sends.

My cousins stopped getting gifts from me when I found they just never, ever said thank you. I didn’t even get a thanks for cash. Ungrateful. I spent the money on people who appreciated their presents instead.

Does your husband buy gifts for your relatives?
You don't need to buy gifts for these people, they have two parents who are free to get gifts for them and correct them on their poor manners.
Tell your husband from now on you will each be responsible for sorting gifts for your own relatives.

Hand the responsibility over to your husband. Job done.

Those aren’t your responsibility. Don’t buy for his side of the family, especially if not reciprocated. You’re being taken for a mug.

You can both send a combined “happy birthday” text to adults who don’t reciprocate.

Let your husband sort it out.

Why does it have to turn into a thread about whether the DH buys his kids/family?

Thats just not the way it works in most families is it now, so dont pretend it is.

OP any relative over 16/18 isnt even acknowledging a present stop sending them. You have been very generous to do so until now.

Stop bothering. Are they buying you presents?