Opinion on finances

[Frenchie909]

Myself and DP pay into a joint account each month and take an equal amount for individual spending. I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account but he has paid more of a house deposit in the past due to inheritance. I was a low earner before we got together so never had much savings and before we agreed the joint account set up, I was paying a larger split of the bills and mortgage to compensate for the deposit.
When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money and this made things fairer. I've had a few holidays this year and was planning to go away with parents for my birthday. They'd be covering the accomodation cost for me. DP is now kicking up fuss that I should be paying more into household account like before if I can afford to go on so many holidays so I've told my parents I can't go. I don't really feel this is fair as we agreed the money we each kept can be spent on whatever we want. AIBU?

When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money

Why is he jealous? Does he have no hobbies, no family, no invites? Is it that he doesn't like you doing things without him, or does he want you to join him in his sorrow? What is his problem with you doing things? Is it that he thinks you don't dedicate enough time to him?

I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account

You already pay more, does he think you should be paying EVEN MORE? how much is enough, should you just give everything to the joint fund and do nothing?

I have no idea! We went on holiday together recently but yes he thinks I should go back to paying more if I have enough money to go away again despite the fact most of it's being paid for me. I probably shouldn't be spending savings to go away again but I feel that it's my decision as we have separate joint savings you know

If you each have an equal amount of money left over after you’ve each contributed your proportionate shares to the joint account, what’s he doing with his money that he can’t afford holidays? No, you shouldn’t put more into the joint account so that you have less fun money than he does, he needs to work out where his is going.

So when you earned less, you paid proportionally more. Now you're earning more and paying proportionally more and he's still not happy!

Tell him a 50/50 split would leave him worse off and if he doesn't like it show him the door. Sounds like a prick.

He thinks because he paid more initial deposit that I should contribute more I guess and then also is having a go at me for not having enough personal savings as he says this apparently also impacts him. Today I'm wishing I'd told him to f off and just booked the holiday!

So are you still paying more? You contradict yourself. But if you have equal amount of individual spending money I don’t understand his issue.

You can always go back and say, having thought on this, Fuck off, im going on holiday, and no im not paying more you cheeky fkr.

Ridiculous! Is his property deposit protected? As in did you do tenants in common? If it really is a disparate amount, you could agree to calculate the amount you "owed" and what has been paid with you paying a larger monthly portion... to make it FAIR... but it seems he will find something else that isnt fair (wah wah like a petulant child)

Sounds like he's not happy with the financial set up - which is fine, but needs to be discussion about it - not dictating how you spend money which has been agreed is yours to spend.

Why not suggest this:

• Everything into the joint account (but he does not get to hold the deposit over your head any longer)
• Agreed sum or % into savings, which are also joint and are only spent when you both agree (home improvements etc)
• Agreed sum or % that is each of your spending money - which can't be questioned by the other.

He needs to communicate what his actual issue is - because your post sounds like he's moving to goal posts.

I'm still paying more but less than I was initially, not sure how I'm contradicting?

When you say “he paid more of the deposit”, are you talking about £5k more or £500k more. Because if it’s the former, I’d work out how much you have contributed so far (more than him) to the monthly outgoings, as it’s likely you’ve paid that £5k by now.

If it’s a much higher sum and the house ownership is shared 50/50 (Joint tenants, not tenants in common) then you may want to think about contributing more to even things up.

It’s difficult to say who is right/wrong without more info.

I am more concerned about the property. 1. Is it registered in joint names at the land registry (if not sure it costs £7 to check).? 2. When you bought it did you ask a solicitor to draw up an agreement / trust to reflect a different percentage owned than 50%? 3. Is it worth now putting right anything not done as to percentages owned and eg doing a legally binding living together agreement making everything clear. 4Is the house owned as joint tenants (equal undivided shares, fall outside the estate when you die and other half inherits automatically) or tenants in common (the latter more common if the shares are not 50%). If joint tenants you possibly might want to sever the joint tenancy to leave your half to whomever you choose - my father did that when he feared his wife our mother might die second and leave her share of the house to someone other than us chidlren (which never happened but it was safer to do the severance).

In terms of property we are joint 50/50 on the deeds but got a declaration of trust to write up that he has paid significantly more deposit so it is protected (he's paid probably 70% of the deposit). This is what our solicitor advised. The reason we switched to the joint finances and current split was to make it fairer and I questioned that I should be paying more if his deposit is protected but me paying more bills is not detailed.

Well if. his deposit is protected. then he is taking the piss because now it should be 50/50. And it isnt...

I agree with the previous poster. If the deposit is protected then anything else is 50/50, no one should be paying more.

So you get an equal amount of disposable money, for fun or luxuries.
You have saved yours and want to go on holiday.
He has (presumably) spent his, so can't afford holidays, so thinks you shouldn't go on one either.
Is this correct? If so, he is a controlling arsehole.

Did you save up for the holiday out of your monthly 'luxury money'? Or did you already have separate savings from before the current arrangement?
If you had separate savings from before, that muddies the waters, but I think you should still be able to spend those savings how you want because at the time you were also paying in a higher amount than him to the joint.

You say: I was paying a larger split of the bills and mortgage to compensate for the deposit.
That is the wrong way to look at it, because his deposit is protected, so it is irrelevant to regular income and spending. If you split up, he would get his deposit back even if you had paid extra into the household for decades.
You should not pay a higher monthly share because of his deposit.

The only reason for you to be paying a higher share is because you earn more. Most couples either pay into a joint account proportional to earnings, or pay everything into the joint and then transfer equal 'fun' money into their personal accounts.
But bear in mind that you are not married (you say DP not DH), so it is questionable whether you should pay a higher share or whether you should both pay 50/50 into the joint account.

If possible, I would start to save up an amount equal to his deposit from your allotted disposable share, then in a few (or many) years use that to pay down some of the mortgage and get the deed of trust re-done so that you and he are then absolutely equal in what you have contributed and what you own.

But at the end of the day, if he is being petty and selfish about money, the relationship is not good. He should be happy for you to holiday with your parents if he really loves you, not jealous.

He's taking the piss..his additional deposit is protected, you're paying more than him, and he disapproves of how you're spending your own money...even though he has the same disposable income to spend as he chooses...?

I'd cut your losses now...

Fairly recently the Land Registry changed the rules to allow different percentages then 50% to be shown on the title - it looks a bit complicated eg see this customerhelp.landregistry.gov.uk/forums/register-and-title-plan/49544957-6082-ee11-a81c-000d3ad50ae4

"In terms of property we are joint 50/50 on the deeds but got a declaration of trust to write up that he has paid significantly more deposit so it is protected (he's paid probably 70% of the deposit).

What does the declaration of trust say eg does it say you hold as tenant in common (not joint tenants) and he has eg a 60% share?

So his greater portion of the deposit is protected; but you're paying a greater portion of the mortgage and that isn't acknowledged in the deed of trust? Fuck, he's onto a winner here isn't he.

He’s got a nerve! Can you change your mind and go on the holiday?

He's really done a financial number on you.

Goodness. So he protects his deposit and want you to pay proportionally more to make up for his ring fenced deposit.

I’d say a rethink is required at this point

we never actually used lawyers, just kept a spreadsheet with capital ie deposit and then split the costs in proportion to our income in the days when one of us was a hard up student so didn’t really have any surplus. Once we both had decent jobs and could afford more we split the costs 50:50 and each kept the rest of our earnings. But then we were both happy that it was fair.

this doesn’t seem to be like that. If you sold up could you each afford to house yourselves. Thats ultimately the solution, each have your own place and spend time together only if you want to. Sorry

As other have said, he's protected his deposit but is demanding you pay more mortgage than him? Fuck that.

Go on even more holidays, and consider if this boyfriend is worth keeping on.

For every petulant demand he makes on your bank account, book another holiday.

You already pay in more than him and you both agreed to spend your own money on whatever you like. He’s the only one being unreasonable.

If he’s protected his deposit, he’s taking the piss!

The only difference you could potentially pay is what the additional interest would have been had you put in equal deposits. So, for example, if your monthly mortgage payments would have been £1500 if you’d put in the same amount, but it’s now £1400 because of the larger deposit, then you could still pay £750 as that’s what you would have been paying.

However, he then can’t expect you to pay more for the bills etc as he’s protected his own interests but expects to benefit from yours 🙄

It’s either all shared or it’s not. He is the one that wanted individual input protected, so instead of paying him more each month, put it into savings/pension instead.

Just go on holiday without him. What a whinger he is.