Opinion on finances

[Frenchie909]

Myself and DP pay into a joint account each month and take an equal amount for individual spending. I earn a higher salary so pay more into the joint account but he has paid more of a house deposit in the past due to inheritance. I was a low earner before we got together so never had much savings and before we agreed the joint account set up, I was paying a larger split of the bills and mortgage to compensate for the deposit.
When we agreed the current finance set up it was said that we could do what we want with our individual money and this made things fairer. I've had a few holidays this year and was planning to go away with parents for my birthday. They'd be covering the accomodation cost for me. DP is now kicking up fuss that I should be paying more into household account like before if I can afford to go on so many holidays so I've told my parents I can't go. I don't really feel this is fair as we agreed the money we each kept can be spent on whatever we want. AIBU?

You've got a royal pisstaker on your hands. I'm so sorry.
His interests are protected, but he still feels the need to fleece you.

If you are a proper couple that is planning to stay together for life or get married, as opposed to simply sharing a property and considering each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, the fairest way to share mortgage, bills and other joint expenses is to pay proportionally to your respective salaries.

And reassess if/when you decide to have children, because children change everything.

In my house, we’re a family, it’s basically one pot and we take from it what we need.

On paper DH earns 4x what I do.

If I’m understanding this correctly then I’m astonished. Please tell me you don’t have kids. He’s a piss taker.

Tell him to get lost. He's jealous, his deposit is protected so completely irrelevant. Book your hols.

Is there a plan to readjust the house/deposit split in future to account for you paying more mortgage? He seems to want it all ways! He protects his larger deposit but you have to contribute more of your larger income. He doesn’t get to control your spending money, I’d say it’s a bit of a red flag that you’ve had to cancel a holiday due to his complaining when you’re already contributing more. What does he choose to spend his spending money on? Do you get the exact same spending money? I’d do if he tempted to suggest you split bills proportionally from now on so you will also get proportionally more spending money.

Do you have shared children? If not, 50/50 on all costs. Especially since he has behaved like a right tosser about the higher deposit ( which is a none issue anyway, because it is protected). Stop allowing this idiot to take the piss out of you.

He is taking the mickey.

His deposit is protected, but you've been paying more than 50% and that money ISN'T protected.

Honestly given his attitude I'd either insist on him taking action to amend the deeds so his deposit isn't ringfenced. Alternatively, that HE starts paying more to compensate you for the higher percentage you've been paying which you're getting no credit/ not being protected. Then once things have equalised you go 50:50.