“Working in a nursery/reception is harder than being a parent”

[Lollipop34]

A friend said something to be a couple of days ago and I thought I’d ask mumsnet for opinions on this one.

Quick context: Myself and friend are both 33 years old. I’m a mum of a toddler and pregnant, currently work 3 days a week and soon to go on maternity leave. Friend works full time in reception year although covers nursery sometimes if required. Friend is single and lives alone currently.

She asked me how I was doing, I mentioned lack of sleep and sickness whilst dealing with toddler was getting me down as well as juggling work. Her answer to me was “imagine having 30 kids to look after, it’s rough!”. I laughed as I could tell she was joking around, she laughed back. After a couple of mins of catching up, she mentioned again how stressful it can be. I said I imagine it’s tough especially after returning from the holidays and the kids are full of energy. That’s when she said yes, that it’s definitely harder than being a parent. She then commented saying something about however I’m feeling now heavily pregnant with 1 child, she feels 10 times harder at times.

I’m not one to say “I’m a parent so I must have it worse” because I am more than aware many people have it a lot harder. But she is able to go home at the end of the day, go to the gym, have early nights and sleep in on the weekends. I thought it was a bit off telling me that being a parent is a lot easier, considering she has no idea what it’s like.

I know she loves her job, I love being a mum. Both of us are allowed to feel tired right? Or exhausted. But this isn’t the first time she’s said she has it harder than her friends with kids and I don’t know why she mentions it.

That’s weird. I think you just have to smile and say, I’m sure you’re really tired, yes.

After I typed this out I immediately wondered if she is struggling with not having children when her friends do but I’m not sure if I’m over thinking that

I can understand why she would think that, because she's dealing with 30 children and that is hard - I couldn't do it.

But she hasn't been a parent, so she has no idea how relentlessly exhausting it is in the early years. She can't possibly know, she hasn't done it. Just smile and nod and let it go. You're both tired.

As knackered as you get from 1 child, it sounds like utter hell to me to be looking after 30. Just tell her you're both tired and it's in different ways. Obviously a nursery worker with no kids is never going to understand the sleep deprivation with a baby.

I have four young children and it’s by no means easy but I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than look after other people’s young children. Both are hard in different ways.

I'd imagine working in a nursery or reception class is far harder to be honest but its not a competition!

(That said I did have easy uncomplicated pregnancies so didn't find being pregnant with a toddler difficult)

I've been both a parent and a nursery worker. Parenthood is definitely harder. Nursery work is probably around 45 hours a week, you are a parent 168 hours a week. If a nursery child is ill they are sent home to the parents. The child ratio for 3 year old is no more than 8 children per adult so she is not managing 30 alone but has other adults support. I use to think at nursery it took 3 people to deal with a vomiting child. One to tend to the child, one to distract the other children and one to clean up the mess. When I had two of my own it was just me dealing with it all.

She works mon - Friday 8-4pm

Well I'm both and although nursery work is very tiring and sometimes draining, being a parent is harder - hands down

Both parenting and teaching are hard. I personally found being pregnant with a toddler and teaching the hardest! I think pregnancy being the worst part of that.

I mean it obviously isn’t harder to do an 8 hour (or whatever) shift looking after 30 kids in a school/nursery and then going home and doing whatever you want and getting enough sleep every day and sending them home if they’re ill rather than cradling their sick soaked bodies as the washing machine whirrs away at 3am.

Working parents do a hard and tiring job all day and then go home to their second full time job of being a parent where they’re on call 24 hours a day!

I'm 100% on her side I'm afraid, I'm a mum of 2 for context, and a school governor. I lead a Rainbows group for 1 hour once a week with 20 5-7 year olds and I'm exhausted after that, I honestly don't know how teachers do it 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, plus meetings,planning,marking, safeguarding, government targets and budget cuts, rude children and parents - if we have an aggressive parent or child they are asked to leave - end of story. Schools can't do that, they have to just deal with it. My oldest wants to be a primary school teacher - I'm very proud of her but privately wish she would chose something else, as I dont want to see her being exhausted, poorly paid, stressed and frustrated trying to do her best in an increasingly challenging landscape.

Obviously she is wrong but if she ever has kids she will find out. Otherwise, why sweat it.

You look after one DC, she has up to 30, I'd agree working in childcare FT is just as hard, if not harder, it's not the type of job that you can switch off from either, there is always a worry or funny memory.

Thank you for everyone’s points of view!

My reception age dd’s teacher works 5 days a week and has kids the same age as me, I think she’s a bloody superwoman I’m knackered working part time!

Agreed - parents who work with kids definitely have it rough!!!

You're over thinking the comment, it is not a competition.
You sound a bit mean.
Similarly when people compare a puppy to a newborn. I have experienced both and both were difficult, though the puppy settled quicker, the puppy was just as hard for a few weeks.

At least as a parent you love the children you're looking after. Other people's children are a different kettle of fish.

Probably depends on age of children. My own children are a bit older so I would say they are definitely less tiring than my TA role in KS1! I am exhausted from work this week.

I think both have their difficulties.

At the end of the day though, you are looking after the children you made and love. She is doing a thankless job with 30 kids being feral, and no doubt getting shit from parents all the time. Schools have awful behaviour problems at the moment.

I’m not being mean, I’m asking the question. Both of us are allowed to struggle? It’s just when I complain about motherhood (usually after she asks me how I’m doing) she’s always had it worse apparently.

This is also true! X

We all choose different paths based on what we can cope with because we all find different things hard. There isn’t enough money in the world that you could pay me to be a teacher to preschool or primary. I did choose to become a parent. Your friend did choose to become a teacher so presumably finds it easier than I would. You have chosen to be a parent twice, so obviously don’t find it that hard or you’d have stopped at one. So you’ve both chosen routes and they are difficult but not beyond the realms of what either of you can cope with. It doesn’t need to be a competition.

If you want time to go to the gym, that’s between you and your partner to sort out. You could have the time but it just takes more logistics.

To suggest that it’s because she doesn’t have children and is struggling with that is really rude. Teachers have a hard job - which is why they are leaving the profession in such high numbers. They should be allowed to say that their job is hard. I also know that for some teachers, they love teaching but definitely don’t want their own (I wouldn’t if I had to deal with 30 kids every day).

I can imagine why she’d be annoyed though. I have a friend who works in a nursery. She works 45-60 hours a week. She has a half hour lunch break and that’s it, aside from quick toilet breaks. She’s constantly poorly from the bugs they bring in, but never enough to be off work. She gets abused by parents, bitten and hit by children, and not a lot can be done. She’s paid very little for what she does. When I complain about my 9-5, she gets annoyed. Because while it’s awful for me, she definitely has it worse!