“Working in a nursery/reception is harder than being a parent”

[Lollipop34]

A friend said something to be a couple of days ago and I thought I’d ask mumsnet for opinions on this one.

Quick context: Myself and friend are both 33 years old. I’m a mum of a toddler and pregnant, currently work 3 days a week and soon to go on maternity leave. Friend works full time in reception year although covers nursery sometimes if required. Friend is single and lives alone currently.

She asked me how I was doing, I mentioned lack of sleep and sickness whilst dealing with toddler was getting me down as well as juggling work. Her answer to me was “imagine having 30 kids to look after, it’s rough!”. I laughed as I could tell she was joking around, she laughed back. After a couple of mins of catching up, she mentioned again how stressful it can be. I said I imagine it’s tough especially after returning from the holidays and the kids are full of energy. That’s when she said yes, that it’s definitely harder than being a parent. She then commented saying something about however I’m feeling now heavily pregnant with 1 child, she feels 10 times harder at times.

I’m not one to say “I’m a parent so I must have it worse” because I am more than aware many people have it a lot harder. But she is able to go home at the end of the day, go to the gym, have early nights and sleep in on the weekends. I thought it was a bit off telling me that being a parent is a lot easier, considering she has no idea what it’s like.

I know she loves her job, I love being a mum. Both of us are allowed to feel tired right? Or exhausted. But this isn’t the first time she’s said she has it harder than her friends with kids and I don’t know why she mentions it.

Someone in my antenatal class said this - how hard can it be I'm used to 30 - and I just smiled to myself and have occasionally thought about her finding out ever since!
Having been both a parent of young children and a reception teacher Id say parenting much more tiring because of the higher emotional load and 24/7 nature (although I did go to bed at 7.30 on my first day as a trainee teacher!).
Re the actual person that said this, sounds as if they may be unsupported in their work.

Working in a nursery/reception and then going home to parent small children absolutely wins top trumps!

100% agree!

I've always hated when people compare situations and try tell you how lucky you are when a lot of the time they haven't a clue about your circumstances. Im often told I'm so lucky to be a stay at home mam. It wouldn't have been my choice I just had to play the hand I was dealt as best I could. I've worked in a nursery and it's bloody difficult but so is the sleep deprivation and stress that comes with parenting!

Yeah I’m with your mate.

I reckon 30 kids and a load of rules and expectations from school and parents is probably harder than 1 or 2 on your own terms.

Maybe don't start complaining opening the door to negativity, just be positive.
She is most likely reflecting on her experience spending everyday with children, you think she's trying to get one up, next time she asks, reply cheerily you might get a different response.
Neither of you have experienced the others life, let it go.
It is really petty.

I've done both and being a parent is absolutely harder, especially when you have multiple kids.

Honestly I found teaching 30 7 year olds less exhausting then parenting one three year old whilst pregnant! I wouldn't teach early years though. Early years practitioners are saints!

I kind of agree with this because you worry so much more about your own children. DS started school this week and I've worried so much about him despite teaching for 15 years.

Does your friend want kids? I try not to moan too much about parenting to friends who don't have kids as some of them want them but are struggling with fertility stuff or single. The ones who are childfree by choice aren't that interested!

Totally agree. I have been a Nursery teacher in a school Nursery and it is easier than being at home with one child in a lot of ways. It's the way things are set up, plenty of activities, routine and no emotional attachment.

Fundamentally, you will never know how hard her job is. And until/unless she has children, she will never know how hard parenting is.

Not in my opinion!

For me, the hardest aspects of being a parent are 1) the unprecedented relentlessness of it; 2) the weight of the enormous additional responsibility; 3) the creeping realization that I am going to spend the rest of my life worried to some degree about someone else.

None of those apply to working in a nursery. Still, I'd honestly rather clean toilets all day than do that job. Perhaps it depends on the definition of 'hard' - because nursery workers don't get the rewards that being a parent does (to make up for the hard stuff).

I've done both. Parenting is harder without a doubt mainly due to it being much longer hours but also the level of responsibility is much higher than when working a nursery or school. I wasn't having to make other childcare arrangements, I wasn't managing medical appointments, I wasn't making sure they had clothing, I wasn't doing the food shop, I wasn't even doing the cooking and cleaning because there was a cook and a cleaner. I was just there during set hours to play with children with a few short adult led activities thrown in. Obviously there was a need to keep them safe and well cared for but that just comes naturally, well it should do to anyone who chooses to do the job.

We have a family member who’s a primary teacher and oh god they bang on all the time about how hard it is ‘to parent 30 kids every day’. Bore off!!! Being a parent is far harder but ultimately waaaaaay more rewarding.

It's not a competition, as others have said.
Ive done both, and as recption/y1 teacher I was also a single parent ( one child).

As a teacher of little children it can be exhausting. Your body is shattered as you are on your feet with 30 little bods, and your brain can be over stimulated, hyper aware of where they are and who is doing what.

If she is the teacher she will have planning and prep to do, but not 'indepth marking' However she is coming home to no outside pressure. Her time is her own, no demands on her from little uns. That ofcourse could be a stress for her. Does she want a different life etc, partner/ kids.

You have a little one, your body is knackered from preparing the next one. You are at home all day with demands on you which is also extremely draining. It's extra hard to occupy a little one when you are shattered which becomes a vicious circle.

Parents would say to me I dont know how you look after 30, I can't do 1/ 2.or.3. I d honestly say I found it easier to get 30 kids to do what I asked at times compared to 1 at home.

It sounds like she just wanted recognition of how tired/crap she was feeling, and although you were totally justified in agreeing she possibly didnt want to hear that this time x

Edited for numerous spelling errors

I have a toddler. My friend works part time as reception teacher and part time at home. I don’t know how she does it. At home with my toddler is way easier. I suit myself with him. She has to get 30 4 and 5 year old to jump through various government set hoops in quite a tricky area.

I remember thinking how exhausted I was when I was a childless EY teacher but in the depths of newborn sleep exhaustion I would love to have only been that level of tired😆