How to respond to insufferable football dad

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Ds14 has been playing grassroots football for several years on the same team as the child of annoying dad. I’ll call him AD for the purpose of this post. I know AD fairly well now and he is a pain in the ass. He’s one of those men who believe his opinion is right about everything.

I try to avoid him but he often makes a beeline for me at the football and generally mills about talking to everyone. If you say anything about the game, tactics whatever then he will contradict (obviously I’m a woman so know nothing about football). The most annoying thing is he starts ever sentence with ‘listen’ as if he’s about to impart some factual piece of wisdom that we all need to stop and listen to immediately.

Last week there was a bit of a punch up between some of our players and the opposition. It got quite nasty with lots of bad language etc. My ds wasn’t involved and I said something along the lines of ‘if ds was acting like that he’d be off the pitch and going straight home’. AD pipes up with ‘listen your lad is just as bad.’ I reply with ‘well he’s clearly not because he’s stood out of the way not getting involved.’

AD then launches into a speech about how i have to accept that my ds is a ‘lad’ the same as the rest of them and he will be just as bad at school or when he’s out with friends and I can’t know what he’s doing all of the time. Essentially trying to educate me about the behaviour and temperament of my own child who he doesn’t even know beyond seeing him play football. I walked away at this point as he was doing my head in.

This is just one incident. His entire attitude is obnoxious and know-it-all. I need a good response to close him down when he starts with his ‘listen….’ rants.

i think he gave you a great way out the other day , you can say to him that you don’t appreciate the way he spoke about your son the other day and that you’d rather not interact with him anymore.

alternatively, you could wear airpods and tell him you’re listening to a podcast or something.

No. But judging by this thread there are lots of Steve’s about.

Another example - me and a group of mums were chatting at training about how it’s hard for kids these days with social media etc. Steve loitering in the background chimes in with ‘listen when I was that age I was doing xyz these kids don’t know they’re born.’

We all sort of stared at him perplexed then went back to our conversation. You’d think that would be enough to deter him but he just walks away looking triumphant that he’s educated us on the real ways of the world.

Also the kind of people who love the phrase “I just tell it how it is.”

cold shoulder, and keep inflammatory comments to yourself (although my face usually gives me away lol) not easy but in sports there is always THAT parent

OP you openly criticised the behaviour of other kids and their parenting. Not sure what kind of response you were expecting really.

Exactly. Just tell him that and walk away.

Well their behaviour was disgraceful, the language and physical fighting was awful. But no I didn’t openly criticise anyone or their parenting and I certainly didn’t direct it at AD. I was speaking quietly to another mum saying id be pissed off if my ds was behaving like that. But of course the big eavesdropping man has to swoop in and tell me my kid is as bad.

Anyway this wasn’t an isolated incident, it’s his whole personality.

What's rude about it? Why is saying it a problem? His behaviour is rude and it's quite reasonable to deal with it assertively.

I had a neighbour who started every conversation with me over the fence as "Oi you". I totally ignored her until she learnt my name and spoke to me in a civil manner.
With this guy I'd just walk off.

Bugger his feelings. He's rude.

Turn it into a game of Steve Bingo with the other mums? Every stock Steve phrase you all cheer then you shout HOUSE! And tell him why.

I have a male who does this too..starts every sentence with "listen" and then ends it with "do you get it" like my poor small woman brain can't understand what he's just said.

These days I just stare blankly at him, then move away.

I’d be tempted to say … Listen, Steve, I’m not interested in anything you have to say …. And walk away.
Or … ‘Listen, Steve, you’re wrong ….’ And walk away.
Or … ‘Listen, Steve, I’m not interested in your opinions’ … and walk away.

Etc!

When Steve stands listening to a conversation you’re having with someone else and starts with “listen” straight away say “I wasn’t talking to you Steve was I?” “I wasn’t having a conversation with xyz” with raised eyebrows and a “look” and walk away

“Sorry, Steve but you’re confusing me with someone who gives a shit about your opinion.”
And walk/turn away.

Next time he appears, listen (!) to him for a while and then look at him intently and flatter him on his knowledge of the game and of young people. Tell him that his knowledge always really impresses you and ask if he has ever thought of volunteering as a coach for the team. Because you think he really ought to and to not is a waste of his skills and brains. As being such a know it all interested father, he would be ideal and the team always need enthusiastic volunteer helpers.

This would be my approach and I would make the same suggestion every single time he approached me.

You could also encourage and volunteer him to be linesman at every match.

Best way to avoid touchline pricks is to volunteer to run the line (assuming this is done by parent volunteers where you are like it is with us). Keeps you away from him although he might helpfully try to educate you on the offside rule because clearly you couldn't POSSIBLY understand that if you don't have a penis...

Just stop him as soon as he starts and say 'Steve this is a private conversation.'

Why do you need to be 'brave' or worried about being rude? Who cares if he thinks you're rude, you don't like him or care about his opinion anyway? Worst thing that happens is he no longer speaks to you, i.e. a win!

Honestly I'd just turn my back to him and walk away the second he said "listen"

Is his name Steve? ‘listen your lad is just as bad.’ is exactly what my BIL said just before he launched into how all lads keep things from their mums and monologued about how naive I am and how he knows better. My teen is AuHD, is a super polite and well behaved rule follower, and tells me fcking everything whether I want to know or not (I am his safe space, he masks with other people and he pours it all out to me when he gets home). I tried not to bite as we were at MIL's birthday dinner and ended up stopping the conversation with a 'I don't agree and we should talk about something else' whilst mentally calling him a condescending cnt.

“I wish you’d stop talking to me” should cover it. Go nuclear, life is too short for the Steves of this world to waste it.

OMG can't believe AD is a Steve 😂. And there are so many other pompous know-it-all Steves around.

Yes - or more pointed:

No, you listen to me… you’re talking rubbish.

I don’t stand for mansplaining - it’s an occupational hazard if you teach in HE, and there’s no way I’m putting up with it from some bloke at my DC’s activity.

I think given he wasn't even the person you were talking to that time, or others it seems, then it is very reasonable to point out it is a private conversation, or you were not talking to him, not asking for his opinion.

I think this is the nugget of it.
You are a polite person and so at some stage, you've been friendly/polite because his son was in the same time ( Not your fault btw its a normal thing) but he now thinks of you as a football team audience, and proceeds to vent his opinions as he's decided there won't be much push back

He probably does this all the time... he doesn't get push back from lots of people once they've got his measure because they can't be bothered getting into a stupid debate, or they feel it would be rude (normally it would but not here)

However, he's now breached the tolerance barrier and you don't owe putting up with him anymore. TBF... he sounds like he may not even notice, just latch onto the next nearest person.

In unfairly criticising your son, you dived in to stand up for him (quite rightly) but unfortunately because of the way this idiot is wired, he then had to defend his position.

He's an attention seeking ratbag and no longer deserves your politeness. I think however provocative, you have to steel yourself to ignore/disengage/avoid... or if its absolutely required in a break the glass sort of way - throw A playground thing a colleague taught me once "so you say" accompanied by a visible eye roll or "I hear what you are saying." as you walk off.
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