Husband not been paying tax for years

[Shitsinthepost77]

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

You seem very peppy for someone who's DH has just fucked over your son & owes £150k to the tax man.

It's still excluded but with a time limit (ie excluded for the first year of a new policy for example).

Oh come on OP. Most of us do all that AND have a job!! You have a nice easy life and I know that because I was a SAHM myself for a while. It's a breeze compared with working.

That's a perception is it not? I think I've mentioned i feel terrible but I have to be calm, pragmatic and logical about this. I'm not happy in the slightest about any of this. I need to know the full details because I've been completely blind sided.

Divorce asap

Have you made sure there aren’t any other debts?

I'm not saying I've not had it easy. I know I've been very lucky, spoiled even. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I DON'T feel sorry for me.

Probably helped by the fact they have assets which can easily pay the debt off.

Don't know yet

There will be other debts. OP has said in her post he’s trying to pay off the lawyer.

itll all come out in time OP. Try and ignore the posters trying to police your response

Wellsaid! Living the high life and taking no responsibility. Living likes fraudsters. You need to get a job and stop living the high life, contact hmrc to sort it out.

Why?

He stood by OP when she addicted to opioids and burning through 1 to 1.5k pm on pills!

It's her turn to step up and support him.

Im sorry this is absolutely grrounds for divorce. He messed up once, fessed up, you gave him another chance and he's blown it. Listen to your son.

Also lol at divorce asap…. About 5 months is the absolute soonest you can do that so not sure how that helps OP today 😂😭

I don’t think you could ask your sister because you have an asset that you can sell to pay off the debt and possibly your son?

I'm afraid you will have to accept your quality of life is going to be worse but at least it will be honest.

if he is earning 130k you should be able to pull yourselves back - especially if you get a job too. Is he in employment now or still self employed?

Earlier in the thread you said you thought you had 300k equity in the house with 100k outstanding on the mortgage. How much did you purchase your house for and how much is it worth now? Surely you must have known someone on a 130k salary couldn't afford a luxury lifestyle with an 8-bed house and a Porsche?

But he's not like that. I know the kind of men you mean....for the record, I never knowingly lived as a fraudster....

You need to fully take over finances. Access to his business and private accounts, access to any debt, tax debts etc.
He's on a high wage so providing he can keep working it should be fixable.
Work out your minimum living costs and stick to that budget. See what amount they will allow to be repaid each month or whether you need to try to remortgage or take out a loan. Then repay whatever you have to do each month whilst tightly sticking to a budget, and get yourself a part time job until its over.

It's far from ideal, but personally I wouldn't let money ruin a relationship. He made a shit choice, but it sounds driven by shame and feeling like he "needed" to provide a certain amount combined with burying his head in the sand.
Once the debt is paid I would continue on the tight budget until the 30k is saved back up for DS.
Work out how long it will take, work out your budget and get fixing it then you can enjoy excess spending again after and put it behind you.
Realistically on 120k plus a part time wage from you this should be behind you within a couple of years. Treat it like a challenge in life and experiencing financial hardship which is many peoples day to day life with no end in sight, for you it will just make you appreciate your lifestyle together more after.

@Shitsinthepost77 I think there's a little jealousy sneaking into some of the replies you've had. I can only dream of your lifestyle but I certainly don't think you sound in anyway blasé about what's happened, nor ignorant of the seriousness of your situation.

Only you can decide if your marriage survives this or not, so I won't comment on that. Regardless, you still need to know the full picture- and maybe you'd only find out through the financial disclosures required by divorce courts?

Some very tough conversations ahead.

The national careers service (free) could help you with finding a new job - you're also probably well connected so you should absolutely be reaching out to your network of friends & acquaintances for an opportunity.

Has anyone mentioned Step Change yet? I might have missed it...Could help encourage your husband to be open about things.

I do think you need to read him the riot act tbh

The reason to divorce him would be that he has lied to OP repeatedly for years. He may still not be telling the full truth. How will she ever be able to trust him?

OP lots of posters are being judgemental, you don’t need to join them.

this happens to many, many people. Many of them didn’t set out to defraud anyone. Being self employed is pretty high risk: many perfectly normal morally upstanding people find themselves tempted by the tax money. HMRC are slow, so they think they’re getting away with it… it continues. Many normal people. For me, the reason I am not self employed is because I think im high risk of being one.

these are not bad people. Life is long and bumpy and people make mistakes.

That's what I'd like to know. Having helped our older children access theirs once they turned 18 i know it's not a simple process AND you have to be the named person on the account to access it.

Dear God, I'm no wilting lily but I've clearly been sailing along blithely...he knows how outspoken i am. That's why he'll be shitting it.

Downsize - pay off what is owed and pay back to your son's trust. If your son knows about how your husband has misused the trust fund it will lead to major resentment down the line. He also might have legal recourse against your husband depending on the nature of the trust. Then you can focus on rebuilding the trust in your marriage and a pension pot!

He clearly IS like that. Or you are. Closing your eyes and ears while throwing money around and pretending ignorance when you used to work for an accountants and a solicitors, and thought you were Company secretary of your husbands business. You both have been living as fraudsters.