Husband not been paying tax for years

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I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

MN probably isn’t the best place for advice but here’s my thoughts.

I agree your husband is a suicide risk and whilst that isn’t on you, I’m sure you don’t want to see that happen. I’d try to tread carefully but insist on total transparency, access to business accounts, meeting with accountant etc, He supported you through an addiction, support him here. If you later decide your marriage is over, then do so be it, but one crisis at a time for the sake of everyone’s mental wellbeing.

I think you need to sell your home and move somewhere far smaller. This way you can pay off the debt and once you understand the state of the business you can assess how much you actually have to live on. Perhaps you can also have a part time role in the business which will also help you keep an eye on things (assuming you stay together.

The reality is HMRC can make him bankrupt and the house would need to be sold anyway. If you divorce there is no way he can afford to keep you in the house. Your Son isn’t a child and even if he was you don’t need an 8 bed house for two people.

Even If HMRC agreed to take monthly payments you’d still need to sell because you can’t afford this life, that’s the bottom line. You can’t afford it without the tax payments!

Your lifestyle sounds lovely, I’m envious of you not having to work but at the nd of the day people are more important than ‘things’ such as cars or luxury holidays.

Anyway, I hope you sort it without any more heartbreak. This must feel huge but actually with some honesty, communication and hard decisions you could be happy again in a year from now.

Sounds like there is a simple if somewhat painful answer to this problem. (1) He needs to give authority to you to speak to the accountants because I don't think you are getting the whole story. You said he liquidated the company some time ago. If that is the case, the tax due should have formed part of the sequestration and therefore may not now be due to pay personally by the director unless he simply wound up the company on the basis it was solvent? If the latter, I'm wondering how he managed that as he would need to have filed accounts and they will be available online at companies house for you to view and I would have expected tax falling due to be included in the balance sheet. (2) If the tax is due, cut out all excess spending (see Dave Ramsay baby steps), sell what you can, then channel all excess income into paying off the tax. Worst case, sell the house and pay the equity to the tax (3) if you can stand to stay married to the man, you both need to deal with finances and running a budget going forward. You have left him with sole responsibility which has become too much to handle. Good luck 🤞

Also, life insurance doesn’t pay out if someone commits suicide, obviously, she he is again lying to the OP.

Yeah, the comment about not wanting to downsize, because the OP is a snob about new builds just about fried my brain. No doubt the pampered princess can't imagine driving a Skoda or a Kia either!

This. Every word of it.
So insightful.

Ps. If he commits suicide, the life insurance won't pay out so frankly it is a useless pursuit on so many levels. It may stop the situation getting any worse for him but will leave you well in the shit both emotionally and financially

This is a joke post, you have a Porsche , live in a 8 bedroom house . Course. You live in a cloud cuckoo land. This isn’t real. And if it is then you need therapy. You are a princess. Sell the house and the car and pay back what you owe as clearly you’ve been spending with money you supposedly have

Too many people take on serious statutory responsibilities when they have no idea what they are. If I was the OP I would take proper advice on this. The debt is being collected it has not be been discharged.

OP gently everything you said adds up to wilful
ignorance. It isn’t affordable to live in an eight bed apartment and drive a Porsche on 150k a year salary. If this was based on dividends from a company there would be careful tax that would need to be paid each year.

Not working, not participating in all the finance (when married) and just being okay with ‘Yeah everything is fine’ are major red flags. Especially when you add in your lifestyle.

I don’t agree that running to divorce is the immediate right decision. Right now your relationship is secondary to this mess. As many others have said you need full disclosure of all accounts and get yourself to an accountant/lawyer asap!

How you feel after that will come but considering you are literally penniless with no job and a huge debt (which is joined as you don’t have an become) finances need addressing.

I get you ‘tried’ to work but you aren’t a SAHM of your son is in his 20’s. Apply for any job available and make this your priority.

Mine too. Also there is an awful lot of ground between an 8-bed mini mansion and a poky new build studio flat.

Why on earth didn’t he pay tax?

And what was the money spent on? You or he must have been living a lavish lifestyle.

The liquidation is complete. That means OP has no personal liability. There is a course of events in these situations and OP does not have liability.

the liquidation is complete, the debt finalised, the company liquidated and the debt has been Negotiated with husband in a payment plan. OP is not liable.

fwiw it’s very common for accountants and solicitors to act as co sec so you can see how unlikely it is the end up with personal liability.

i COMPETELY agree with you that people should not take on statutory responsibilities without understanding them and I believe companies house are finally trying to make this harder.

We had a lot of equity from our previous home which sold at more than double the original cost allowing us to buy our current home. I'm pretty sure noone is going to jail! I'm not catastrophising. HMRC just want the money back. This will be achievable (I think) however I have to know the FULL details. He's home this evening. I'm pretty sure we were allowed guardian ship over the trust fund so our son didn't fritter it away. It gains an extra £1k every year if not touched or moved. That was the reason for not touching it. I'm spinning plates here because I don't know the full story - will I ever? I honestly didn't see this coming and NEVER thought he'd touch that money.

I have some sympathy but what is annoying me is your tone of “poor little me / I’m such an idiot / I don’t know how to…/I’m not technical so I can’t…” - FFS your poor husband sounds like he’s been doing the heavy lifting, got overwhelmed, lied. I feel sorry for him but he’s been carrying you, I think. Sell your house, car, fancy birthday watch. Pay back the debt. Or maybe not use roads, NHS, school etc paid for by the rest of us taxpayers. You were a company secretary - you must have seen the accounts before he took you off. You need to wake up & grow up.

Looks like he has an addiction issue - gambling perhaps? Run for the hills or you will end up homeless.

Presumably only in name - in order to take a salary out of the company to mitigate income tax, as spread across two people not one...

Company accounts make no comment on whether tax owed has been PAID.

Co sec doesn’t HAVE to sign off the accounts either.

I have literally been in a house when one turned up for both company and personal tax.
HMRC have employees who work for DM Field collections

DMBM510150 - Customer contact and data security: introduction: face to face contact - HMRC internal manual - GOV.UK

This is usually via a Field Force/Distraint visit which means a trained officer of HMRC will visit the customers private or business premises to collect payment. If the customer continues to refuse to pay the Field Force/Distraint Officer can levy on the customers assets to secure payment at auction of the HMRC debt. The Field Force officer will remain professional at all times and will attempt to secure the payment prior to the levy using trained negotiating skills.
A Field Force/Distraint Officer can

• ask for and take payment
• set up a Time To Pay (TTP)
• levy on goods to secure the debt.

The OP did a painkiller £1000 a month addiction for around 6 years

OP, you need to pay HMRC what they are owed, and if that's really £150k and not more, the sale of your house (if you have equity) will cover that. Re the husband, I note that your son has advised you to leave his dad. He must be boiling with rage at having his trust fund raided like that. This is where your emotional energy needs to go... or else you risk estranging him from both of you. There should be enough left from the house sale to restore the money stolen from your son. But I would not even consider staying married to this man until and unless he completely restores things with your son and gains his forgiveness. Don't be going on about 'facing life alone' and 'trusting other men'. Your situation is way beyond that and you need to absolutely pull on your grown-up pants, pay the taxman and pay your son.

I understood the clause that life insurance doesn’t pay out of sucide had been ruled illegal years ago- as it should, for being discriminatory

OP is just saying HRMC and income tax but It could also be VAT. They’re animals.

it could also be the official receiver- they’re animals too.

They do all have debt collectors though- or, at least, people who come round “for a word”

No, trust me, there is no 'poor me'. My husband took my name off as Company Secretary many years ago without my knowledge. But yes, I've been naive. I don't think he was 'carrying me'. We worked as a family unit and never had to lift a finger round the house. I always (still do) kept the house to a high standard. I'm also always on hand for my elderly parents and do my best. This is a great forum, because it helps unravel thoughts and feelings. I'm still pissed off tho.

Was the Trust Fund a real trust fund, or just a separate bank account in your name that you were eventually going to pay to your son? Assume it wasn't the Child Trust Fund started by the Government as he would be the right age for one of those, and you then paid into that