Husband not been paying tax for years

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I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Really I'm 58 I work my Mother worked full time I dont know a single women my age who doesn't work.

Yes we could downsize...it's an eight apartment house in a nice area. And before many of you go ballistic we drive a Porsche....BUT with money I thought we had! And no, it was the husband that suggested a Porsche in the first place.

Yes, and me. I’d get joint legal and financial advice and sort it out together. OP has never worked, so I’d at least try and sort it out.

Debt stress can make liars of anyone.

I thought I had been following all this attentively, but the sudden appearance of ‘our surplus money’ has confused me.

I am nearly 59 and I don't know any SAHMs of my age!

nothing is not solvable. It’s just going to feel that way. And my first thought was concern for his health right now.
I’ve assumed your husband is employed now?
you’ll be able to remortgage, with the mortgage running until your 70. The other option is to downsize if that’s possible.
id also be including your sons 30k debt in whatever you decide to do.

if you love him this doesn’t have to be the end of the but he needs to work with you right now to solve this.

Agree! I am in my 60s and all my peers have worked for much of their lives bar 1 or 2. The part of the NHS I am employed in is full of women in their 50s and 60s. Most of my friends' mothers worked too when their kids were young.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM but let's not re-write history around it.

I've applied for jobs but either don't get called for interview or haven't been successful when I have. I am very articulate, well dressed and look very smart.

I can see this if you're still applying for the same kind of roles in accountants and lawyers offices etc but you need to go much wider now given your lack of recent experience and target the jobs that are always available and don't necessarily need you to be very articulate and smart looking. Cast the net much much wider and you will get work.

Sell the car
Sell the house + downsize
Get a job

So sell the Porche at an irresistible price immediately and get a cheap second hand small car.

You are in a very similar situation to the one my MIL was in.

She divorced FIL. Even so, for years after, friends and family were telling her of FIL's frauds against them, and how he'd borrow money off them, never to pay it off. We ourselves had a $5,000 overdraft he pressured us to take out to save the business, that he promised to pay back, and never did, as well as $3,000 inheritance in a trust account that he could access, that he took.

His son went guarantor on a house mortgage for them, and lost his own house, and his marriage as a result.

She ended up with absolutely nothing, and living with her daughter.

To this day he insists he did nothing wrong, that he gave his family everything, and that they have no right, no reason, not to talk to him.

Please, whatever you do, do not blame yourself for not knowing what he has done, or not done, and do not allow him to make you feel guilty or complicit for his actions.

Take legal advice, and do your best to find out what he has done in your name, or forged your signature to.

Do your best to protect yourself, and your children, and do not allow yourself to be used as a shield by your husband as he seeks to protect himself from the consequences of his actions.

I don’t agree with the poster above. They have done their analysis without reading OP’s updates.

No empathy? He was supporting op during her addiction and when she couldn’t follow through plans to come off it.

Not necessarily. Depends on the business. You can wrack up huge HMRC bills on VAT an NI without making a penny in profit.

Fine, so sell the car and sell the house. Simple. Frankly madness that you hung onto them after the first debt reared its head.

And again, nice though it is 130k is not Porsche lifestyle, nor eight apartment (if you mean bedroom?) house in a nice area. You've been living in a dream world, wilfully it seems.

???????????

What is a 8 apartment house?

Are you living in the UK ?

Porsche not relevant.

Op, you need to log onto the Government Gateway and check how much you can expect to get from the state pension. Likely not much as you have barely worked.

You need to start working now, full time. Take control of your future.

Im confused as to how your husband is earning £130k a year but he liquidated the company? Is he now in different employment?

I am 54. All my friends from university worked when they had kids. I have met a few sahm friends through school. But most of my friends kept their jobs and careers. We are not that old!

Agree. I'm early 50s. I was one of 2 in my not group with my first who went back after ML bur by the time our children were at school everyone was back. I don't know anyone who is still a sahm with adult children or even kids at primary school.

Hi OP. Name changed for this as I still carry a lot of shame from this and never tell anyone, even thinking about it now makes me feel sick.
A few years ago I owed HMRC a large sum of money - not near £150k, but I also don't earn anywhere near what your husband earns.

I buried my head in the sand and honestly did not feel like living. My eldest was 3 weeks old when HMRC turned up on my doorstep. I told my husband that day. We weren't married at the time, and the flat was only in my name and the debt was from before we got together. I can see how you can feel betrayed in a way he didnt. But..

He was massively supportive. He said we can sort it, we can make a plan. And we did.
HMRC were happy to wait for the money until we sold the flat (it was quite a while) - but I actually had to communicate with them. We used equity from the flat (thankfully not all of it) and moved elsewhere.

We were planning on moving out of London anyway, so we didn't downsize, but it did impact the size of our mortgage.

If it's just this one thing, and your marriage is generally good, and he's a good man, then I hope you can find it in you to be as supportive of him as he has been of you.
Yes, he has fucked up. But let him know its OK and there is a future. Make a plan together.

He's still earning good money. How was you adjust your lifestyle to make repayments?
You'll have to spend less yourself too - any minimum wage part time job to start with will keep you busy and give you less time to spend.
How big is your house/mortgage? Can you downsize? Yes, you dont want to - but your husband may be genuinely suicidal about this, and what is worse?
What cars are you driving? Can you swap to cheaper run arounds?
What items of value do you have to sell? They are just things.

Has he got a good accountant and what's his plans to pay tax going forward?
Include in your plan paying back the money into your sons trust fund.

Good luck, and try not to panic. You will be OK.

A lot of this doesn't add up-literally!

What work does he do now?

What is an 8 apartment house?

When you say we drive porche, it’s you or your husband or both?

I am still waiting for you to tell what lifestyle you said you got used to.

Downsize your house and sell the porche. 130k is not a lot to support this lifestyle when you include taxes. Start living within means, that’s my first advice. And start working - job in charity shop or a small business or start selling on Amazon. Whatever you can, so you learn value of money.

Why not give the £2000 to your son instead of your dh to get his watch back? Yoy don't seem to have much financial sense either OP. Do you own your home? 2hqts the equity in that?

Right, so going on your last update... (firmly resisting the strong urge to go WTAF?).

Sell the Porsche. They have strong resale values. Pay off some of the debt.

Downsize and pay off the rest.

Pay your son back. You are incredibly fortunate to have these options.

I'm wondering if your DH has been trying and failing to manage a very demanding home/work/lifestyle balance.