Inheritance - has something shifted?

[NepoInlaw]

My 80 something in-laws have over the years inherited quite a few times. From parents, friend bequests, siblings.
As far as I'm aware these were all straight forward, no conditions, nothing complicated, straight in the family pot. Inherited from both sides.
Sometimes these sums were enough for a holiday, sometimes more significant.
They've just redone their wills and gone down a Complicated trust route, so that only 'blood' relatives benefit.

Having bought Xmas presents, hosted and done heavy lifting for 30 years when their son is crap I am a little miffed.

I figured I'd be the one picking out their care home for them, so what's caused their loss of confidence or trust. Has there been a generational shift?

I'm same age as you ,and married with kids for 35 years ..I would not be surprised in the slightest if my in-laws did the same .
But it's never crossed my mind that their money would come to me ,I full expect it to go on their care ,as it did with my parents.
It's also crossed my mind about two of my children,and their partners and I've had thoughts any money we leave our DC could be taken in the event of a divorce.. especially when one of them seems to have dodgy taste in partners .
My advice is to never expect anything

I don't agree - in the case of an offspring dying before they can inherit from the parent I'm sure it's more traditional for their share to pass to the surviving children.

Recently when we did some IH planning with our FA he strongly advised against a trust as it's complicated.

Exactly. They’d have to be updating their will when their children married or divorced. Leaving them open to the possibility that a child got divorced and they died before the will was updated. Much simpler just to share between children.

I would always expect parents to leave money to their children and not the children's spouses. Once the inheritance has come in it is then up to your DH to decide how he spends that money.

I am not sure how trusts etc work but I assume that once the money is in your DH account he is able to spend it how he chooses.

In my circumstances I am the sole heir to my parents estate, once the money comes to me it would be treated as family money and spent on things to benefit my partner and kids as well. Exactly what will depend on our situation at the time but it may be a new house, an extension, straight into the kids savings, a family holiday.

I think lots of people are updating wills currently due to all the speculation about the autumn budget , also a lot of people are getting married to benefit from current tax breaks

Perhaps OP they are concerned about who their other son and daughter in law are married to , rather than you ?

Marriages don't last as well as they did before, and they don't want non-blood relatives to benefit from their 'wealth'.

So many people go on to remarry and mess up their children's inheritance as well, so now another complete stranger and some stranger's children are now inheriting...

They probably think it's safer to wrap it up in trust.

I do the same myself,if I had any concerns about any of my DC partners

This is the case for the last two generations of wills on both sides of our families. Trusts can have tax benefits and they protect the assets in the case of divorce.

There is nothing stopping a spouse from sharing the inheritance with their spouse once it is under their control. If the spouse dies and the inheritance skips to the children, that still takes financial pressure off the surviving parent.

Are you saying you wouldn’t have done anything for them over the years if they were poor? Because that’s how you’re coming across I’m afraid.

It is a very normal term to leave it to child and if that child should pre-decease me to their children. My parents’ wills are set up in that way as are my in-laws.

My MIL left us with £45,000 debt letters.
That was fun having to write to them all that there was no money, still get the odd letter now nearly a year later!
I wouldn’t be miffed in your case, surely you would still benefit if your husband benefits?

Snap. Not that my father in law has a will but even if he had I’d expect him to say it all goes to my husband, which in effect means it goes in our family pot.

choices though op , you don’t have to make up for a perceived shortfall in your husbands care for his parent . Better to feel guilty than be a resentful martyr.

I wouldn't expect in-laws to leave anything to me. I would expect my dh to share whatever they left him though. Edited to add we have a family I'd expect him to use it to benefit our family or children share with me as in give me some

To be honest though it never was!

My MIL has just done hers with a lot of complicated trusts. She is not a very wealthy woman (which is my only previous association with this Trust stuff) but does have a house in the SE so will be worth a lot. Her two youngest children had disastrous marriages that have/ are ending in divorce and one has children by 3 different women. I can see that she is just trying to make sure her grandchildren all inherit something in as fair a way as possible although I fear it will be a world of pain for DH who is executor and trustee.

I guess the change is people having more money due to house price inflation and complex family structures these days.

My mum was a huge fan of DH but she didn’t specifically leave him anything. She left it to me and it benefited us both and our kids as we paid off the mortgage and now have more disposable income and ability to save.

My in-laws have this set up, it dosnt bother me, if it wasn’t for me I doubt they’d ever get even a card from my DH or a visit, but I choose to do these things. I have no expectations of getting anything from their wills, obviously I will benefit when my DH dose if we are together ( no plans not to be) but won’t see a penny if we separate even after they pass as all inheritance is locked in trusts for DH and our children.

On the other hand, my Nan who didn’t have much intentionally left her sons out of her will favouring her DDs & DILs. She knew my DF & Uncles would piss it up the wall on booze and ponies like my granddad would have so made sure the women got the money as they’d spend it on necessities. The downside to this was one of my uncles wife’s was shagging anyone she could behind my uncles back, she’d actually left him and cleared his home out of everything including carpets and lightbulbs one day when her was at work. No one told my Nan as it would have broken her heart at how badly my uncle was treated, she was old and everyone thought it was best to just not tell her. So when my Nan died her DIL who screwed my uncle over actually got an inheritance and my uncle got nothing.

So the siblings are both beneficiaries and the trustees? Were they named as being beneficiaries of a specific amount in the trust, or if your DH dies, could your DCs could potentially lose access in practical terms to their inheritance because their aunt and uncle prioritise themselves and their family, and they’d need to get into some sort of dispute over the conflict of interest (which also applies if one of the other siblings passes away)? It’s putting an awful lot of faith in the family being fair to one another, whereas a parent that can’t access the money for themselves but can access the money for their children is arguably more “clean”.

Not being named as an IL in a will isn’t unusual at all. Money being put into trust for DGCs isn’t unusual either. Not being trusted to act in the best interests of your own children, after decades of being the one carrying the load of maintaining family life and connections, is shit and insulting. I’d be upset too Op.

Yes, she knows that, that’s why she’s mentioned their will.

Yes but it just goes to their children doesn’t it and if said child is married they can decide how to integrate inheritance into family finances or not - it’s up to the child. I gather OP would be fine with that. It’s the trust being set up that’s the issue. @NepoInlaw do you think maybe they are trying to avoid inheritance tax rather than specially trying to cut you out? Maybe they have had some financial advice that indicates that’s a better approach or something?

I’m reading this as more that she’s upset that they are purposely trying to exclude her. It would be more normal to leave something to your son that doesn’t specifically exclude the married partner.

First mistake is the in laws telling everyone - why do people feel the need to discuss their own Wills before their deaths?
Second mistake is the OP thinking it's anything to do with her. My husband and his two siblings inherited one third each from their surviving parent - I've no idea how much, because it was nothing to do with me.
Who includes their in laws, no matter how close they are or how many Xmas presents they bought during a long marriage?
OP, none of us are entitled to anything from anyone, and it's vulgar to speculate on what you might get when Ma and Pa kick the bucket.
To be honest, if I were these parents, I'd leave the lot directly to the donkey sanctuary!

Nothing has changed . Most families don’t see their SIL / DIL / partners as real family. The minute you split up or divorce they will likely never see you or your children again.

All that time, money and energy that DIL spend on caring for their inlaws? It’s just seen as a woman’s duty and has no value to them . They consider that you are doing it for your husband and not for them.

there’s only a handful of families who are any different. So I always say to Gf / partners / wives , don’t do any wifework for your in laws, make sure your husband does it. Because ultimately no one will thank you.

YOU might consider them your family but they don’t. You are only good for serving them . This is sad but true in most cases.

When we did estate planning recently we set up a very similar trust. There are tax advantages where we live to set up a trust. Most people I know will do it - not extremely wealthy people either.

Our trust does exclude anyone my kids marry from the trust. The difference is they aren't even dating still less in a solid long-term relationship with kids. I raised the question with our lawyer of this potentially being unfair to my kids' spouses and was told the trust could be adjusted by all beneficiaries. Also if I last long enough to see my kids in long-term relationships I will change the trust myself.

I can understand why you feel as you do OP. Would your dh not talk to his parents about changing the trust so you would be a trustee for your children in the event of him predeceasing you?