Inheritance - has something shifted?

[NepoInlaw]

My 80 something in-laws have over the years inherited quite a few times. From parents, friend bequests, siblings.
As far as I'm aware these were all straight forward, no conditions, nothing complicated, straight in the family pot. Inherited from both sides.
Sometimes these sums were enough for a holiday, sometimes more significant.
They've just redone their wills and gone down a Complicated trust route, so that only 'blood' relatives benefit.

Having bought Xmas presents, hosted and done heavy lifting for 30 years when their son is crap I am a little miffed.

I figured I'd be the one picking out their care home for them, so what's caused their loss of confidence or trust. Has there been a generational shift?

Today there is no guarantee of inheritance, if a care home or nursing is needed. Only help if its the right thing to do

It's common for solicitors when preparing a Will for inheritance to go to blood relatives. For instance my mil Will if my husband her son died before her then when she died my children would inherited from her estate not me at all unless I was specifically named.

Listen to Saturday's episode of moneybox live on R4 it covers the fact that a lot of older people are being duped into setting up a trust when it's not in theirs or family's financial interest to do so

That’s what has happened in DH situation despite legal adoption as a baby.

Surely that could be contested?

Adopted children are treated legally exactly the same as biological children. So if it’s legal in that jurisdiction to disinherit your biological child, you can disinherit your adopted child.

However if the will just leaves money to “ my children “ or “ my grandchildren “ without naming them, then they have the same status. So the executor, for example, can’t decide that it doesn’t apply to adopted children / grandchildren.

Im not defending it morally BTW.

Yes and a half sibling did. However a few years prior an aunt made the comment that the two who were adopted ‘were not part of this family’ and thus a divide started.

a sad state of affairs when one of those kids as an adult kept the aunt up in firewood and house repairs.

I think the OP doesn't have an issue with that, it is because they have set up Trust Wills, which means her BIL and SIL act as trustees and she is cut out of, and has absolutely no say over her children's inheritance.

Maybe your inlaws are aiming to be fair to all of their family?
As in if you inherited something from them, are they trying to avoid a dispute between yourself and the son or any potential inlaws if you were 'favoured'?

If they did not leave a will, in the first instance, the surviving spouse would receive everything, then upon their demise, blood relatives would inherit, that is, after inheritance tax and care home fee's. Anything that your husband inheritied would go to you, were he to pass first.

So nothing has changed, except for your perception.

If you feel that you are doing all of the hard work, maybe it is time to start involving other people and asking for a bit of help rather than taking everything on?

If your husband has other siblings maybe easier this way if different types of relationships. I would be miffed too. But If the mother in law has a tight husband and has not been able to spend money on her self over the years she would probably be upset if a daughter in law gets to have treats. They may feel you are wealthy enough and want it to go to the children's education or a future house. They may think some of the sons or daughter in laws waste the money on extravagant things. But yes I think you are entitled to not provide any care to them going forward if they take that for granted. However if your children / husband inherit their money, it means you don't have to save as much to support them.

Only thing you need to consider is if the trust conditions prevent your other half (their blood relative) doing with his inheritance as he sees fit, i.e. passing on to you if he predeceases you, or will it somehow go to another blood relative, e.g. any children you have or a sibling of your spouse? As others have stated, maybe it's time for you to step back from this particular 'load' and let the beneficiaries step up!