To say if my 17yo drops out of college he'll have to move out?

[DavDubya]

I don’t even know where else to turn with this. My son is 17 and honestly it’s been one problem after another since he was about 15. He was smoking weed when he was out with his mates and drinking whenever he could get away with it. Always round his girlfriends house back then and when I tried to set proper rules he would just bugger off to his dads for longer. His dad doesn’t give a toss, he thinks school isn’t important anyway and he loves playing the cool parent, except he’s hardly there because he’s off on some “holiday” or TikTok thing. So my son ends up basically unsupervised and I look like the bad guy.

He failed his GCSEs really badly which was gutting because he’s clever when he puts his mind to it, but he just doesn’t care. He started college this year and already he’s talking about dropping out, like it’s nothing, just shrugs at me. I’ve shouted, I’ve cried, I’ve begged, I’ve reasoned, I’ve tried ignoring it. Nothing works. His ex-girlfriend even told me he treated her badly and when I tried to tell him he just laughed like it didn’t matter.

I feel like my house is just chaos and I’m sick of him taking zero responsibility. His dad undermines me at every turn and I end up being the one dealing with everything. So I said to him last night, if you drop out of college you don’t get to sit here doing nothing all day. You either get a job straight away or you’ll have to move out. He just looked at me and said “whatever.”

I don’t want to kick my child out but I honestly feel like he thinks he can do whatever he wants because there’s no consequences. AIBU to say if he drops out then he has to go live with his dad full time or get out and stand on his own two feet

YANBU but it does sound like he's not really suited to education (at least not at the moment). I would try and support him into work rather than giving an immediate ultimatum/expecting him to find work immediately. Could he look at apprenticeship schemes or work placements? School clearly isn't for him, but maybe work could be.

I wouldn't let him get away with sitting around at home smoking weed all day, but I also wouldn't give up on him yet.

It's a bit unethical to kick him out before he is 18- but I would say, no more weed and if you drop out you have to pay for rent and food by getting a job, and if that doesn't happen on his 18th birthday his stuff goes into boxes into the garden and the locks will be changed- and say to him good luck laughing that off.

For anyone suggesting getting an apprenticeship in a trade,well its almost impossible.
My ds 17 has done a year in college doing plumbing and the college had one apprenticeship on their website, just the one, for about forty students who gained the level 2 in plumbing.
Indeed has around three plumbing apprenticeships in the whole of the Midlands.
Son has refused to go back so is now working in a local pub.
I'm hoping something will spur him on but it's hard and very frustrating for me,I go to bed worrying most nights.
That mixed with the weed the teens are smoking.( Alcohol doesn't seem to be a thing )

Also,my son has friends who are looking for jobs and it really is slim pickings out there.

I work for a company in the midlands who currently employ a couple of plumbing & gas fitting apprentices and I can confirm this is the case. There are so many applicants for trade apprenticeships we can cherry pick.

MN does seem to believe that apprenticeships are a fall back option for those who don't much like school.

My youngest is doing a construction industry apprenticeship and they are like hens' teeth. Far rarer than you might think and very competitive.

Half way through my A levels, I had had enough and told my mum I wanted to leave school.
she called my bluff perfectly! Said fine, I could, but I’d have to start paying rent with immediate effect and had to get a job.
i was 17 and had no idea what I wanted to do, had no job and no money. So of course I stayed at school, finished my A levels and went to uni

How is it going @DavDubya ?

For those suggesting apprenticeship, s it's not that easy
If as the Op says he's failed his GCSE ,s most places want a grade four or equivalent in English and maths and they can be very competitive
My son had a terrible time in year 11 health wise and didn't do well in his GCSE,s
He didn't find college very productive, although did gain a level two certificate
He's now on a training scheme thst offers work experience, with a view to an apprenticeship.

The Op says he's failed his GCSE,s so Alevels and Uni don't seem like an option at the moment.

For me it would all depend on clarity over where you were “kicking him out” to.

his dads? - yes this is fine, this is simply the transfer of a 17 year old moving in with another parent in a presumably warm secure home with food and basic support available

kick him out to sofa surf or sleep on the streets- not in a million years.

I would give him more time to sort himself out, he's still very young. He doesn't sound like he's violent which is obviously makes it easier to keep him home.

I’m not saying they will. It was more about the fact that having to get a job and pay rent put the fear of god in me, so I stayed at school.

If he thinks he has to get a job and actually pay for something, it may make him finish college at least. Or at worst - get a job of some kind!