My old job have sent my new job a reference request, but I haven’t applied there

[InAWorkQuandry]

posting in AIBU for traffic because wtf do I do?!

I left my old job about a month and a half ago. It wasn’t under brilliant circumstances. They were desperate for me to stay, I wanted to leave. My old boss still contacts me regularly to ask if I regret the move and if I’d like to come back.

My new boss came up to me today and said she was sorry to hear I was leaving as she thought I’d settled in well. I was extremely confused because I’ve not applied anywhere else. I love my new job and want to stay there.

it turns out my old job have sent a reference request to my new job. I have reassured my manager that I’m very happy and not planning on leaving, and she’s going to ignore it. But wtf??? What do I do?? My old job have made it clear that “the door is always open”, meaning they basically want me back. I think their aim was that I’d end up leaving this new job and go back to them. But obviously that’s not what I want.

how the hell do I deal with this?!

WTF is wrong with them?

Why on earth do they think getting you sacked from a job you're happy with would be a good start for a (renewed) working relationship?

They're off their heads!

It seems vindictive, aimed to cause you to lose your current job. Or perhaps hoping you'd lose your job and have to go back to the old job.
Either way it's manipulative and unethical.

I would stop engaging with your old boss, block if needed.

I think it might actually verge on criminal!

I think you could probably threaten to do them with malicious communications if they do it again.

Be transparent. Email your old boss and cc in your new boss.

I would email your manager and top HR person at your old organisation, stating that you do not wish to rejoin the organisationand would like an urgent explanation about how they came to send a reference request to your new employer. I would not include your new employer in on any correspondence, they don't need to be brought directly into the drama. Do keep your new line manager updated on what actions you've taken so they know you are serious and that you are dealing with it.

Your old employer needs to accept that you've left and stop trying to manipulate things so you have no choice but to return.
I'm glad you have contacted HR in the old company. You want a full explanation, in writing, about why a reference request was sent out by them. I think under GDPR they may well have misused your data. If you are in a union, or have legal on your home insurance, and you don't get anywhere, a solicitor's letter threatening to report them to the info commissioner for misuse of data should get them to back off.

Yes I’ve done it in home insurance, on employersEAP, it’s just general legal advice - just a quick phone call. Super simple

You dont need a solicitor to send a Cease and Desist letter. You can google one or use AI for suggestions on how to make it scary. I once sent one to a neighbour instructing her not to contact me again or I would be taking further action.. Never heard from her again.

Send a message to their HR department and let them know that you have not approached your previous employer or applied for anything advertised. Let them know that you are uncomfortable with the repeated contact from your old boss and would like it to cease. Explain that you have made it very clear to him/her that you are happy in your new position and will not consider returning. Let them know that you were stunned to hear that someone from their company has sent a reference request to your new place of employment and you expect a letter from their HR department apologizing for the mistake and clearing up any potential misunderstandings about your commitment to your new position, or you will be speaking to your union/seeking legal advice.
Copy your current HR department and both bosses in with the email.

I agree with this.

It’s highly confidential information they are requesting that can only be sought with your permission.

Most irregular.

It seems that your former employer has requested a reference from your new employer in an attempt to sabotage your new job by representing that you have accepted a job with your former employer.

That is likely to be an actionable tort (malicious falsehood if it was done deliberately, or negligent misstatement if it was some sort of administrative mistake) as well as a data breach.

I would be inclined to write to the former employer, asking them to explain by return why they requested a reference when you had not applied for a role with them. Tell them that you reserve your position relating to a claim in respect of the data breach and misrepresentation.

I would also make a report to the Information Commissioner's Office about the misuse of your data.

The poster said get a legal letter done, not general advice. IMe they don’t do anything like that, but maybe the insurance was crap