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AIBU?

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Original poster

My old job have sent my new job a reference request, but I haven’t applied there

62 replies

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:37

posting in AIBU for traffic because wtf do I do?!

I left my old job about a month and a half ago. It wasn’t under brilliant circumstances. They were desperate for me to stay, I wanted to leave. My old boss still contacts me regularly to ask if I regret the move and if I’d like to come back.

My new boss came up to me today and said she was sorry to hear I was leaving as she thought I’d settled in well. I was extremely confused because I’ve not applied anywhere else. I love my new job and want to stay there.

it turns out my old job have sent a reference request to my new job. I have reassured my manager that I’m very happy and not planning on leaving, and she’s going to ignore it. But wtf??? What do I do?? My old job have made it clear that “the door is always open”, meaning they basically want me back. I think their aim was that I’d end up leaving this new job and go back to them. But obviously that’s not what I want.

how the hell do I deal with this?!

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 15/09/2025 20:35

Allthesnowallthetime · 15/09/2025 19:47

Isn't this a breach of GDPR? They have kept and used your details for no legitimate reason.

This.
Contact your union. If you aren't in one, often there is free legal advice included on your home insurance a solicitors letter will do wonders

bluelavender · 15/09/2025 20:39

This is serious
It could have damaged your relationship with your new employer.

Definitely contact them and ask why they have used your data in this way. It feels unlikely that this would be an error. How would they have your new employer details?

Distress for misuse of personal data has been recognised in law. This is quite a long (and rather technical article) but is a good summary.

Damages in Misuse of Private Information Claims – Carruthers Law | Carruthers Law https://share.google/FI9vX7Wp0FrVnngUR

The motivation on the misuse can also be taken into account

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:40

Has anyone ever tried to get this sort of thing on their legal home insurance? 😂 it doesn’t come easily IME.

MaurineWayBack · 15/09/2025 20:44

That’s such a crazy thing to do.
Who in Earth tries to entice someone to come to work fur then by making their life hard in their current place? Surely that would a ted flag for anyone and THE sign to avoid them??

ohyesido · 15/09/2025 20:46

That is not normal action, it sounds like your previous employer is actually trying to sabotage you.

CruCru · 15/09/2025 20:50

Out of nosiness, what is it that you do? I have heard of people going nuts when the nanny leaves but this is ridiculous.

decreasingbells · 15/09/2025 20:53

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:59

Sadly a cease and desist isn’t really a thing in the UK, I could send a letter before action but I’d need a solid cause of action

Show quote history

I agree with you However you could email their Data Protection Officer if they have one and HR if not to ask them to restrict your data and to refrain from further processing pursuant to Article 19 of UK GDPR. If they continue to contact you (and so process your data) you might send a pre-action letter on that back of that.

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:54

I would assume it’s an HR cockup and they meant to send a reference request to your replacement’s employer but something has got muddled up in the file and they sent it to your employer instead.

Laundrywitch · 15/09/2025 20:56

They’re trying to undermine you in your new job. It’s toxic. Make a formal complaint. Do you have a probation at your new job?

itsgettingweird · 15/09/2025 20:56

Oneeyedonkey · 15/09/2025 19:46

I thought her language was dramatic.
"How the hell" "WTF" etc

Show quote history

That’s pretty mild language considering what her old job have done imo.

It’s just words in a screen. Words to describe a situation that’s at best odd!

m00rfarm · 15/09/2025 20:56

Oneeyedonkey · 15/09/2025 19:46

I thought her language was dramatic.
"How the hell" "WTF" etc

Show quote history

But it IS "how the hell" and "WTF". A company where the OP has NOT applied for a job, has asked for references. That is totally unacceptable. Or do you really think that is totally normal?

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:57

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:54

I would assume it’s an HR cockup and they meant to send a reference request to your replacement’s employer but something has got muddled up in the file and they sent it to your employer instead.

They sent a reference request to the new employer- I dont see how that could happen in a muddle up?

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:58

I don’t think it’s sabotage. Why would previous employer even need a reference? They employed her before and know the quality of her work.

I also can’t see how it’s a breach of GDPR. No personal information was divulged.

I assume they have your new employer’s details as your new employer requested a reference from them? Maybe they accidentally sent a reference request as opposed to a reference return?

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:58

decreasingbells · 15/09/2025 20:53

I agree with you However you could email their Data Protection Officer if they have one and HR if not to ask them to restrict your data and to refrain from further processing pursuant to Article 19 of UK GDPR. If they continue to contact you (and so process your data) you might send a pre-action letter on that back of that.

Show quote history

I’m not sure GDPR is a particularly good route to go down. Your redress for a GDPr breach is reporting to the data commissioner. This obviously isn’t a serious breach and it’s very unlikely they’d do anything important. A solicitor wouldn’t be a realistic way of supporting you in persuing a data breach.

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 21:00

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:58

I don’t think it’s sabotage. Why would previous employer even need a reference? They employed her before and know the quality of her work.

I also can’t see how it’s a breach of GDPR. No personal information was divulged.

I assume they have your new employer’s details as your new employer requested a reference from them? Maybe they accidentally sent a reference request as opposed to a reference return?

They sent it so her new employer think she’s looking for other work- and has indeed, accepted another job- within weeks of starting with new employer when she has no employment rights.

presumably they hope that new employer ask her to leave and she has no choice but to go back to old employer

TiredofLDN · 15/09/2025 21:02

WILD.

because they aren’t just trying to tempt you back- they are trying (and it sounds like almost succeeded) at sabotaging your new position.

hopefully an employment lawyer or hr expert will be along soon….. I’d be fucking livid though.

Franpie · 15/09/2025 21:02

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 21:00

They sent it so her new employer think she’s looking for other work- and has indeed, accepted another job- within weeks of starting with new employer when she has no employment rights.

presumably they hope that new employer ask her to leave and she has no choice but to go back to old employer

Show quote history

I think that’s a stretch. If they wanted to sabotage her new role they could have just given her a shitty reference or refused to provide a reference at all.

napody · 15/09/2025 21:07

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:54

I would assume it’s an HR cockup and they meant to send a reference request to your replacement’s employer but something has got muddled up in the file and they sent it to your employer instead.

Oh. Yes, it could have been this. I can see why you assume deliberate with their other behaviour though.

How did your new boss react? Did they believe you?

decreasingbells · 15/09/2025 21:08

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:58

I’m not sure GDPR is a particularly good route to go down. Your redress for a GDPr breach is reporting to the data commissioner. This obviously isn’t a serious breach and it’s very unlikely they’d do anything important. A solicitor wouldn’t be a realistic way of supporting you in persuing a data breach.

Show quote history

Redress is not just to the ICO (I agree they would nit do anything). Failure to uphold GDPR rights is directly actionable pursuant to Article 82 UKGDPR.

So if the old employer continued to process OP’s personal data having been asked not to do so (for example by writing to her or calling her) then theymre are grounds for a legal letter before action.

This might make them take notice. I am sure OP can write this herself as she is clearly familiar with litigation.

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 21:18

decreasingbells · 15/09/2025 21:08

Redress is not just to the ICO (I agree they would nit do anything). Failure to uphold GDPR rights is directly actionable pursuant to Article 82 UKGDPR.

So if the old employer continued to process OP’s personal data having been asked not to do so (for example by writing to her or calling her) then theymre are grounds for a legal letter before action.

This might make them take notice. I am sure OP can write this herself as she is clearly familiar with litigation.

Edited
Show quote history

but a legal letter before action doesn’t mean anything- and will be particularly unscary written by OP. If they have half a brain cell they’ll know full well she isn’t about to sink tens of thousands in persuing civil action for gdpr and they’ll ignore it.

Original poster
InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 22:38

napody · 15/09/2025 21:07

Oh. Yes, it could have been this. I can see why you assume deliberate with their other behaviour though.

How did your new boss react? Did they believe you?

Show quote history

Thankfully she does, because the career step I’ve made is pretty unusual - it’s not one you’d expect for someone in my position to have taken. So she fully believes im not going back!

OP posts:
Original poster
InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 22:40

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 21:00

They sent it so her new employer think she’s looking for other work- and has indeed, accepted another job- within weeks of starting with new employer when she has no employment rights.

presumably they hope that new employer ask her to leave and she has no choice but to go back to old employer

Show quote history

I’m suspecting this is what’s happening. They seem to really want me back, despite me being clear I was not happy at the company and didn’t want to continue. It’s so strange?

OP posts:
Shakeyshakeyshake · 15/09/2025 22:40

If your new boss is happy then surely they just ignore the request?

AyeDeadOn · 15/09/2025 22:43

I would email old employer and cc in new employer saying you're happy in your current job ana have no plans to move fr the foreseeable future.

ForgetMeNotRose · 15/09/2025 22:46

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:58

I don’t think it’s sabotage. Why would previous employer even need a reference? They employed her before and know the quality of her work.

I also can’t see how it’s a breach of GDPR. No personal information was divulged.

I assume they have your new employer’s details as your new employer requested a reference from them? Maybe they accidentally sent a reference request as opposed to a reference return?

I suspect this is what happened

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