to ask if you've ever quietly changed your life and how?

WonderingWanda · 15/09/2025 17:18

Why don't you focus on one hobby rather than endless hobbies.

Also make a list of low key ways you can connect more with people. Have you got out of the habit of meeting with friends? Do you regularly catch up with family? Could you volunteer in your local community?

I have the opposite problem in that I am constantly over connected through work, kids family and friend. My battle is carving out time for solitude which is what I really crave.

TreesWelliesKnees · 15/09/2025 17:20

Trying to always have something in the diary to look forward to has improved my day-to-day life a lot.

PermanentTemporary · 15/09/2025 17:22

I did some things to improve my sex life, which I won’t describe in detail here (I have done elsewhere on here). Otherwise I agree with making more time to connect to old friends or family.

Original poster

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 17:31

Thank you. These are some good ideas. I really WISH I had a sex life to improve; I'm sure that would help exponentially 😂

I do have friends but I feel out of kilter with almost all of them bar a few. I suppose I never properly found my tribe.

I have started attending a running group and I'm proud of myself because I've done it consistently for the last 5 months or so although I've found myself slipping in the last few weeks when everyone was off for the summer and I can feel that this is the time where I could almost just stop going through laziness/tiredness/feeling a bit meh so I really need to not do that.

I've promised myself that I must do it (it's 2x a week) until Christmas as that's a real goal I would have achieved.

OP posts:

Nevergotdivorced · 15/09/2025 17:31

Firstly I got rid of all the toxic people in my life.
I had a cull and it felt wonderful.

I then persuaded my partner to put our home up for sale, we moved to a new area and love it.

I also think we were drinking too much so we have cut down from opening a bottle every evening to restricting alcohol to weekends, holidays and celebrations.

TooManyCupsAndMugs · 15/09/2025 17:38

I moved from a full time management job in teaching to a no management responsibilities teaching job. Not much less money but a whole lot less stress. I committed to one hobby and a sports/exercise routine. And I did a masters degree just for the enjoyment of it. I stopped worrying about my weight/appearance so much after 40 as well, that's a lot of stress off!

Crushed23 · 15/09/2025 17:39

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 17:12

Looking for a bit of a reset and to try and improve, enjoy my life more - to do the things I love rather than simply thinking about it or making endless lists and to feel better and healthier in myself with more energy.

Ultimately, I need to spice my life up I suppose and I'm looking for tips/advice/inspiration if you've ever managed to profoundly change your life in quiet ways?

Moving jobs/countries/trekking across the world isn't really possible for me. What I really want is to just fall in love with myself and my life if that makes sense, to meet more people I love and can spend time with - although doing endless hobbies trying to find them makes me feel exhausted.

Sorry to quote the OP, but this is beautifully worded and you really sound like you want to make a change. What worked for me was making one change at a time and staying consistent with it, then introducing a second change and so on.

These are relatively easy changes to make:
-drink 2L of water a day
-cut down alcohol
-cut down UPF and try to eat “clean” at least 80% of the time
-take supplements (research which ones you would benefit most from)
-go on more walks
-listen to podcasts / audiobooks (on a walk is great)
-develop a simple and effective skincare routine and stick to it
-if not already, start exercising regularly but make it exercise you enjoy so it doesn’t feel like a chore
-a regular massage or facial, if you can afford it

GoingForAGallop · 15/09/2025 18:07

I’ve changed my life over the last 2.5 years by habit stacking. When you feel running is established as a habit then add another habit, then when that is part of your life add something else.

I now have made multiple changes and have a whole new life.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/09/2025 18:33

Over a gloomy drink one evening after I’d recently relocated back to London quite a few years ago now, an old friend who was probably fed up of me being gloomy challenged me to Year of Yes - I had to spend a year saying yes to any suggestion of something to do (unless it was actively stupid or dangerous, or I had an actual reason not to do it.) Even if the suggestion didn’t fill me with glee his view was, look: you’ve spent a lot of time doing what you’ve been doing, and that doesn’t appear to be making you happy - so surely trying some things you haven’t isn’t going to make things any worse. Stop thinking it and Just Do It.

I wasn’t the most adventurous of people when I started, but it was a fucking ball of a year! My motto was I was either going to get a great experience out of it, or a great story to tell. Essentially just see it as “making the most of all the opportunities that come my way.” And that's exactly what I got.

The work lunchtime walking club I reluctantly put my trainers on for turned into what’s now a passion for the outdoors; joining colleagues for drinks one Thursday when I’d usually decline led to a whole string of things which really helped me feel like I fitted in and settle down at work; when a guy I’d been on a couple of dates with asked if I wanted to run an ultramarathon with him I said “yes” against everything inside me screaming “no!”, and I loved it (and ultimately it’s probably one of the reasons we’re now married); offering to volunteer to do some ad hoc admin for a local community re-wilding group turned into a brilliant way to get involved in my local community and gain great pleasure and fulfilment out of seeing the difference made - and also led to me becoming an owner of pet garden ducks, who remain among the things which bring me some of my happiest moments every day; I joined Meet Up and took on the challenge of going along to the first group, whatever it was, that came up on my feed, once a week: I did stuff I never thought I could possibly enjoy doing, and some of it I indeed didn't enjoy enough to do it again - but it definitely helped me identify a bit more what I did enjoy, and it definitely got me out of a rut - as well as bringing me dozens of great new friends and even more new acquaintances.

fruitandbarley · 15/09/2025 18:34

Join a choir. I'm a member of a community choir and it's really friendly and singing lifts your mood, and there's so many people it dosent matter if you're not great at singing. Oh and lots do shows and concerts which is a buzz.

Wadadli · 15/09/2025 18:40

Nevergotdivorced · 15/09/2025 17:31

Firstly I got rid of all the toxic people in my life.
I had a cull and it felt wonderful.

I then persuaded my partner to put our home up for sale, we moved to a new area and love it.

I also think we were drinking too much so we have cut down from opening a bottle every evening to restricting alcohol to weekends, holidays and celebrations.

Good for you on all counts!

Clytemnestra21 · 15/09/2025 18:55

Hi OP, I agree with PPs your post is beautifully worded. I think I get what you mean about enhancing your life without necessarily changing who you are or making any sudden, big changes.

I wonder if it’s possible to find small ways to enhance the day-to-day with small habits. So could you give yourself extra time to walk to work or somewhere else you go regularly and give yourself time to stop in the sunshine and admire a view or grab a coffee somewhere nice on the way? Maybe try regularly asking the person who serves your coffee how they are? Or have weekend breakfasts in a different, sunnier spot in your house or garden? Or if you call a family member or friend to catch up could you do a video call and make an effort to wear something you like especially or prepare your room so it looks pretty. I guess making more of an occasion out of every day things and savouring them a bit more.

I think there’s something to be said, as one PP mentions, for sex and dating allowing us to romanticise our lives in a way that enhances them. But it’s not always about the other person, as much as being admired and desired can help us enjoy being in our own skin a bit more. And I think new friendships and acquaintances and experiences can help us do that too.

VanGoSunflowers · 15/09/2025 19:07

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/09/2025 18:33

Over a gloomy drink one evening after I’d recently relocated back to London quite a few years ago now, an old friend who was probably fed up of me being gloomy challenged me to Year of Yes - I had to spend a year saying yes to any suggestion of something to do (unless it was actively stupid or dangerous, or I had an actual reason not to do it.) Even if the suggestion didn’t fill me with glee his view was, look: you’ve spent a lot of time doing what you’ve been doing, and that doesn’t appear to be making you happy - so surely trying some things you haven’t isn’t going to make things any worse. Stop thinking it and Just Do It.

I wasn’t the most adventurous of people when I started, but it was a fucking ball of a year! My motto was I was either going to get a great experience out of it, or a great story to tell. Essentially just see it as “making the most of all the opportunities that come my way.” And that's exactly what I got.

The work lunchtime walking club I reluctantly put my trainers on for turned into what’s now a passion for the outdoors; joining colleagues for drinks one Thursday when I’d usually decline led to a whole string of things which really helped me feel like I fitted in and settle down at work; when a guy I’d been on a couple of dates with asked if I wanted to run an ultramarathon with him I said “yes” against everything inside me screaming “no!”, and I loved it (and ultimately it’s probably one of the reasons we’re now married); offering to volunteer to do some ad hoc admin for a local community re-wilding group turned into a brilliant way to get involved in my local community and gain great pleasure and fulfilment out of seeing the difference made - and also led to me becoming an owner of pet garden ducks, who remain among the things which bring me some of my happiest moments every day; I joined Meet Up and took on the challenge of going along to the first group, whatever it was, that came up on my feed, once a week: I did stuff I never thought I could possibly enjoy doing, and some of it I indeed didn't enjoy enough to do it again - but it definitely helped me identify a bit more what I did enjoy, and it definitely got me out of a rut - as well as bringing me dozens of great new friends and even more new acquaintances.

Edited

This is beautiful ❤️

Chiseltip · 15/09/2025 19:29

I was living your average 90s "single young female" life.

I had a "good" job, it was going nowhere though. One of those ones where when you hit 25 you're considered too old. Very quietly, literally didn't tell a living soul, I started to study for a very niche qualification. It took a long time, but once I had that piece of paper I knew my life was going to change overnight.

I remember walking back to my flat in Wimbledon after I picked up my results. Nothing since has come close to that feeling of freedom and uncertainty. I knew I was going to be leaving London. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I would never live there again.

Study changed my life. Quietly. Slowly.

Hahabonk · 15/09/2025 19:38

I stopped drinking alcohol completely, after a few years of cutting down. In a way, only a small change. But it gave me freedom from something that never dominated me but bagged at me. And never drinking has paid off immeasurably for my mental and physical health.

trying swimming. I would never, ever have thought I’d become a swimmer. But I love it.

Jellycatrabbit · 15/09/2025 19:44

I had a year of yes too! It was a great year!

I used to do great new years resolutions, now I write myself a list of 10 things to achieve on the first of each month. Item 1 is always to do something new, whether big or small, item 2 is to book a visit/concert/trip somewhere (again big or small), item 3 is a home improvement e.g. declutter a drawer or cupboard. Then at the end of the month I write a list of 10 things I've achieved. These may or may not overlap . . .

I've also been using the Finch app, not really sure I have got the hang of it yet but you set daily goals and if you achieve enough of them your imaginary bird goes on an adventure. Quite fun.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 15/09/2025 19:50

A couple of years ago l downloaded C25K and actually completed it. I told no-one as l didn't want the pressure of people knowing.... and l wasn't convinced I'd actually continue.

I then started going to parkrun each Saturday.

Unfortunately l picked up an ankle injury so l started swimming whilst that healed.

Gradually increased my distance.

My swimming membership meant l could do the onsite classes for free, so l started with a couple of Les Mills sessions.

My siblings have always been avid parkrunners and we now "tourist" to other events.

When injured or resting for an event l volunteer at parkrun.... and this got me speaking to the local running group which I've now joined.... they tourist too.

After that my brother said about trying an aquathlon.... so now I'm trying to get the courage to try open water.

One thing just evolved into the next thing which opened up a new avenue for me

EveryDayisFriday · 15/09/2025 19:52

Mine has been a long term self improvement project. I've failed a lot along the way but these are my eventual personal achievements:

Quit smoking, then quit vaping.

Moved jobs to an excellent company which doubled my pay and gave me great benefits, love all my colleagues.

My marriage (and sex life) is better than ever and we are working on long term financial goals.

Finally worked on my health after decades of failure, lost 5 stone, joined the gym, eat small nutritious meals. Healthier than I have ever been.

My next step is build some good friendships and find some hobbies to occupy my free time.

2021x · 15/09/2025 20:16

I can now cook a decent meal and not have to buy ingredients all the time and use what’s in my cupboards.

I live in NZ and the ready meal isn’t a massive thing here, so I made a conscious decision to no get a microwave.

I still would be nervous cooking for someone but I can now roast a chicken, and cook fish and some times I go weeks without having “pasta and sauce”
which is a huge win for me.

I also get a food delivery service which sends you fruit and vegetables that were rejected by the supermarkets (we have a duopoly over here). You don’t get to chose
and I now use them all up!

Original poster

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 21:21

Crushed23 · 15/09/2025 17:39

Sorry to quote the OP, but this is beautifully worded and you really sound like you want to make a change. What worked for me was making one change at a time and staying consistent with it, then introducing a second change and so on.

These are relatively easy changes to make:
-drink 2L of water a day
-cut down alcohol
-cut down UPF and try to eat “clean” at least 80% of the time
-take supplements (research which ones you would benefit most from)
-go on more walks
-listen to podcasts / audiobooks (on a walk is great)
-develop a simple and effective skincare routine and stick to it
-if not already, start exercising regularly but make it exercise you enjoy so it doesn’t feel like a chore
-a regular massage or facial, if you can afford it

Show quote history

Thank you so much! That really made me smile and thank you for those tips. They're exactly what I need to do to start feeling better.

I've managed to drink 2L of water today and am trying to cut down and eat a cleaner diet. Thankfully, I've never really been into alchol and I walk a lot generally - but would love to get into a good skincare regime.

OP posts:

Original poster

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 21:21

GoingForAGallop · 15/09/2025 18:07

I’ve changed my life over the last 2.5 years by habit stacking. When you feel running is established as a habit then add another habit, then when that is part of your life add something else.

I now have made multiple changes and have a whole new life.

This is wonderful! And exactly what I wanted to hear - can I ask what habits you made and the order you did them?

OP posts:

Original poster

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 21:37

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/09/2025 18:33

Over a gloomy drink one evening after I’d recently relocated back to London quite a few years ago now, an old friend who was probably fed up of me being gloomy challenged me to Year of Yes - I had to spend a year saying yes to any suggestion of something to do (unless it was actively stupid or dangerous, or I had an actual reason not to do it.) Even if the suggestion didn’t fill me with glee his view was, look: you’ve spent a lot of time doing what you’ve been doing, and that doesn’t appear to be making you happy - so surely trying some things you haven’t isn’t going to make things any worse. Stop thinking it and Just Do It.

I wasn’t the most adventurous of people when I started, but it was a fucking ball of a year! My motto was I was either going to get a great experience out of it, or a great story to tell. Essentially just see it as “making the most of all the opportunities that come my way.” And that's exactly what I got.

The work lunchtime walking club I reluctantly put my trainers on for turned into what’s now a passion for the outdoors; joining colleagues for drinks one Thursday when I’d usually decline led to a whole string of things which really helped me feel like I fitted in and settle down at work; when a guy I’d been on a couple of dates with asked if I wanted to run an ultramarathon with him I said “yes” against everything inside me screaming “no!”, and I loved it (and ultimately it’s probably one of the reasons we’re now married); offering to volunteer to do some ad hoc admin for a local community re-wilding group turned into a brilliant way to get involved in my local community and gain great pleasure and fulfilment out of seeing the difference made - and also led to me becoming an owner of pet garden ducks, who remain among the things which bring me some of my happiest moments every day; I joined Meet Up and took on the challenge of going along to the first group, whatever it was, that came up on my feed, once a week: I did stuff I never thought I could possibly enjoy doing, and some of it I indeed didn't enjoy enough to do it again - but it definitely helped me identify a bit more what I did enjoy, and it definitely got me out of a rut - as well as bringing me dozens of great new friends and even more new acquaintances.

Edited

I really love this! Have you seen the film Yes Man? It came out when I was in my mid teens and had quite a big influence on me! I just absolutely loved the world of possibility it opened up - and as you say, even the stuff that isn't enjoyable is no less a fantastic experience.

OP posts:

Original poster

Swimfiend · 15/09/2025 21:40

Jellycatrabbit · 15/09/2025 19:44

I had a year of yes too! It was a great year!

I used to do great new years resolutions, now I write myself a list of 10 things to achieve on the first of each month. Item 1 is always to do something new, whether big or small, item 2 is to book a visit/concert/trip somewhere (again big or small), item 3 is a home improvement e.g. declutter a drawer or cupboard. Then at the end of the month I write a list of 10 things I've achieved. These may or may not overlap . . .

I've also been using the Finch app, not really sure I have got the hang of it yet but you set daily goals and if you achieve enough of them your imaginary bird goes on an adventure. Quite fun.

This is a great idea and really inspiring to help plan fun things to look forward to! I might try and do exactly this. Can I ask you what your other 7 are?

To all the other PPs, thank you so much for each of your posts!

I'm feeling really pleased as I just went to my first running session of the season this evening, having felt a bit unethused earlier, and actually it was great to get out and then I had an unexpected walk home with a friend I made from it, got in and saw all these lovely posts and have been savouring them whist eating a yoghurt - so thank you!

A much more delightful Monday evening than normal!

OP posts:

Annoyingmoths · 15/09/2025 21:46

Take up yoga. Doesn’t have to be a class you leave the house for. Just find a short online video you like and spend that time with yourself, in your body. It’s been with me for over 20 years, comes in and out of my life more or less, but it’s an amazing tool to have at your disposal, mentally and physically.

Also echo what a pp said if it appeals: education. Working away quietly on a qualification without fanfare, and feeling proud of yourself when it’s done is an incredible feeling.
sending you good wishes!

Bellyblueboy · 15/09/2025 21:51

I have started going somewhere new every month. A local tourist attraction, a different swimming pool, a different park run, doesn’t have to be big and expensive - the rule is I have never been there before.

i also started traveling alone for pleasure a couple of years ago. Did it regularly for work but never for a holiday - love it!