to ask if you've ever quietly changed your life and how?

[Swimfiend]

Looking for a bit of a reset and to try and improve, enjoy my life more - to do the things I love rather than simply thinking about it or making endless lists and to feel better and healthier in myself with more energy.

Ultimately, I need to spice my life up I suppose and I'm looking for tips/advice/inspiration if you've ever managed to profoundly change your life in quiet ways?

Moving jobs/countries/trekking across the world isn't really possible for me. What I really want is to just fall in love with myself and my life if that makes sense, to meet more people I love and can spend time with - although doing endless hobbies trying to find them makes me feel exhausted.

I like your framing of seeking to "fall in love with myself and my life" OP, and the emphasis on doing it without Hollywood levels of drama. Some really good accounts on here from PP too.

I don't have this sussed by any means, but my life has massively improved in the last 18 months by choosing to invest in myself in 2 related ways. I put myself on Mounjaro and signed up for strength and fitness gym classes 4 times a week. I haven't told anyone about the Mounjaro at all, it's for me and my health and I don't want to feel I have to justify it. In my mid 50s I'm now fitter and in better shape than I've ever been before.

The knock-on effects have been profound, from having more energy for activities and projects and the strength to do them, having much more confidence in myself as someone who was capable of getting fit when i believed myself incapable, to just feeling better and enjoying everything, even mundane things, more for liking myself more.

The projects and things I now have the oomph to do enrich my life, and doing them in a healthy body with a happier outlook make them twice as good, so its a double whammy.

My other 7 things vary hugely from month to month. This month they are:
Declutter 100 things
Rearrange the sitting room
Complete charity accounts (im a volunteer treasurer)
Try 5 new artists on Apple music
Do my tax return
Buy birthday presents for my September and October birthday folk
Park five minutes from school and get the kids to scoot in

Often I put things I've been putting off onto my list so I can get a sense of achievement when they're done!

I did it about 20 years ago OP, after a messy divorce - ex-DH kept most of our mutual friends, I had to reinvent myself and make a whole new lot. It wasn't easy at the time but now I think it was absolutely the best thing I could have done

A few things that helped me:

• as PP have described, saying yes to events/ invitations that I usually wouldn't have tried. I mean of course there were a few times that I wished I hadn't made the effort, but on the whole it broadened my horizons considerably and helped with becoming more sociable/ making new friends; I went to an Alpha course with one new friend and really enjoyed it, made friends there too.
• trying out new dance classes until I found one I liked (Ceroc!) - really friendly, can go as little or as much as you like, no partner needed, very affordable night out.
• volunteering at different events - did some bar work for one charity, some outdoor work for another, joined Cubs as a helper - just good fun and again, you can just do an hour a week or volunteer for plenty more if you like. My Cubs role helped me to get my current job.

Now trying to follow your example and think of a more up to date way of changing my life, as my DC are almost at secondary school and I'm old and tired after ten years of relentless childcare

This is such a lovely thread. I wondered if anyone else had any experiences they wanted to share.

I've been feeling utterly exhausted, overwhelmed and demoralised for various reasons - and one of the things I'm struggling with is whether to make my life much smaller, strip out people who take me for granted and just cocoon and hibernate or whether I should say yes and push myself to do different/new things.

@mangoestoday I think it's possible to do both - have a period of 'hibernation' for readjustment, and then start saying yes to new things that are a better fit for your current life and goals.

A while ago I needed a reset. This is what i did:

I asked myself what was no longer working for me and as a result I stood down from a longstanding voluntary commitment that was a big drain on my time and energy with not much appreciation, and where the goalposts had changed over time. Standing down from the organisation gave me back my free time, plus removed a couple of difficult people, and a lot of unwelcome drama, from my life.

At the same time I asked myself what was I not currently doing that I would like to do. As a result I joined a couple of regular activities that I'd previously not had time to commit to. I also continued with one other regular fun activity that I still enjoyed.

In the short term, dropping one big commitment temporarily reduced my social contacts, so there was a few months of 'hibernation' and readjustment; but over time, i have met new people through the new activities I've taken up, and I also now have time to see more of friends and family.

When I was thinking what new activities to take up, I asked myself what activities I used to really enjoy before life got in the way, and whether there was also anything else that I'd always wanted to try. That gave me a sense of direction to renew earlier hobby interests and try new things, in a way that works for my life now.

None of this happened instantly but it is possible to plan for change over a period of time. For me it took a couple of years to gradually bring about change but life is now better balanced and more fun!

Lurking

@mangoestodaythat is exactly where I am. I don’t know which of those to do. I pushed myself a couple of years ago and took a big contract job and when it ended I was completely burned out and haven’t worked for a year as a result. I enjoyed parts of the job but am now very fearful or a big job like that again

interested in any other stories!

Ive made lots of changes in the last year - quite big ones. But the biggest, most life-affirming thing has to be that I joined our local fancy hotel and spa. I go swimming and have a hot tub 3-4 times a week in a luxury environment. I also lie on a sunbed around the pool after and read books. I have made friends, chat to people, got fitter, and just feel sooooo much happier - and all for 80 quid a month. Such a small thing, but it compliments the big changes. So a year ago I set up a business that had rapid growth within months and was very scary (and exciting) but being ADHD I just hyperfocussed and threw myself into it, working all hours and not switching off. I force myself to have weekend away somewhere awesome doing my hobby (history) every three months and that was very much helping me get work/life balance but not enough. The new hotel membership though is what has really changed my life for the better day by day. Im no longer obsessed with work, and Im actually enjoying life more.

Our lives changed when we relocated because of my husbands job. I wasn’t thrilled about it as I was in maternity leave and had friends around me also in the same stage of life. It took me a while to find my feet in our new area and I was lonely as my husband was working lots.

the things I did to improve my life included really immersing myself in my community, attending local toddler classes, the WI, joint a local team sports club. My children are now at school and I remained part time, joined a gym, lost weight and feel the best I’ve done in years. We now have a social life and friends in our local area and it’s home to us now.

My life has slowly, calmly changed since 2017. I remember the point at which I realised something wasn't right. It's hard to quantify what I did.....

Some time after that I noticed I would get a feeling of "I would like to do that but I don't think I could" . Sometimes it was really fleeting and I only just managed to catch it. Any time I caught that feeling I would sign up for the thing. Often terrified.

This led to learning some new practical skills that widened my horizons and gave me a massive sense of accomplishment. .

It also led to an outdoor sport, which then meant new friends, some fantastic trips and learning more skills.

I've tried all sorts of things that I thought I might like to do but didn't think I could and it's really widened the bandwidth on how I see myself and the things I am capable of. A lot of the things I thought weren't for me was from old messaging as a child. The best way to counteract it was to just do it - badly if necessary.

I try not to do anything dogmatically. A friend gave me a book on self improvement. The thought of listing my goals for the month in it left me cold. I'm really just following my nose, looking out for that thought of I'd like to but I can't and trying to keep moving....

Most recently I came across a big load of litter scattered by some school leavers and I realised I could do something and make the area better, someone needs to sort it so it might as well be me, so I went back and sorted it. It's my secret, I haven't told anyone but being able to think of myself as someone who can make things better (not in a smug way, it was quite a small thing) makes me feel very happy.

This thread has been lovely, I'm enjoying everyone else's stories and suggestions and it has been lovely to realise I've had my own journey too - still ongoing.

At 40 I decided to start doing some things for me after a decade of raising children. I lost some weight, started running with couch to 5k and took up a hobby (music related, still doing it 10 years later). They weren’t massive changes but they made me feel like I’d grabbed a bit of my own identity back rather than just being a mum, a wife and a teacher.

here are mine:

never a big drinker but no alcohol exception on rare occasion with friends
gardening and doing up garden cheaply with nice plants, outside furniture etc so I can enjoy sitting out in the nice weather and not have to drive to nearest sun spot (I have a beach 2 miles away but it gets busy).
I don’t have much childfree time but I’ve started going swimming more when I can. It burns loads of calories for a relatively short exercise time. I’ve increased walking as well when it’s not raining, inside walking pad for wet days.
Started getting my style back after having young kids, using apps like vinted to clear my old stuff and buy me clothes I like for much cheaper.
Eating out less and doing more food with slow cookers. I used to enjoy going to restaurants but lately It’s not had the enjoyment it used to. I might be getting frugal in my old age 😂 I tend to do lunch out if we do go anywhere.
Less overseas travel but nicer trips when we do go away.
Going to the cinema when there’s a movie I really want to see. It’s not all that often but adds to charm when i do.
Researching and finding new music to listen and enjoy on my 45 min drive to work

Just realised mine aren’t life changing really but I’ve changed countries and jobs enough to want to settle, and these help me feel more content in one place :)

Volunteering - even for very short amounts of time, one off events or even online.
We put a lot of focus generally on what we can do for ourselves to be better.
I have always found that when I am at my lowest points, volunteering takes me out of myself and shifts focus onto someone or something else where I can be of use.
Volunteering creates a subtle mind-shift about who you are as a person, your value, and the world around you.

This is such a lovely thread.

My quiet change was when I'd just had my children, I refused to be the 'expert' on them or our home. This means my husband is an equal parent and does a fair share of domestic labour. This meant I had time available to do weightlifting which has been a consistent habit for 8 years now. I've just started C25K very slowly and quietly because I'm pretty scared of running. I also enjoy a bit of yoga and wild swimming. I don't think I would have been able to make movement such a regular part of my life with a full time job and caring responsibilities if I'd also had to do the majority of the housework, school runs etc.

The other thing I did was to stop getting lunch in the canteen where I work. I bring in the same packed lunch every day. A chopped salad with sauerkraut and hummus. I might vary the protein but keeping it mostly the same means I don't have to think when making 3 packed lunches in the morning.

I'm going to re read this thread to get some more good ideas.

I quit work (high pressure professional role), became a stay at home mum and I love it. We aren't rich, we scrape by each month on DH's salary but teaching my DD the alphabet and taking her round the woods reminds me I have all I need (as opposed to want).

Yes I'd love a bigger house/better clothes/holidays abroad but my family and life support me and I lovw them more than anything.

Giving up on the whole "you must have this" was me quietly changing my life.