Aibu?

[tweenx3]

My husband and I both married, both have children from previous marriages. We've been married for 5 years. Whenever his DC have needed his help and support he always helps out , they live local and pop in all the time. Here's my aibu, I have never spoken to his ex and never will, I know she's not a nice woman from things she has said and done to my dh in the past. I have no desire to communicate with her and have no need to. Recently she had a stroke. However I feel that helping with everything DC related is fine. However helping her out with her personal stuff is too much, I've told my husband this and it upset me. He said he realises and he won't help her with personal stuff.
However I recently found out that he went behind my back and helped her fill out some forms. He doesn't know I know and I feel like he actively lied to me and betrayed my trust. My head's a mess and I don't know if I can trust him . How can I deal with this going forward

You've only heard his side

So what would you have said if he’d told you I’m going round to help my kids mum with some forms?

You sound very young.....
I feel sorry for your husband and his children.

Fully agree with @Redpeach.
Very common for men to paint the ex as ' this or that'. You cannot rely on just his word and you aren't even willing to give her a chance. Sad.

Because you put him in a horrible position. Not only do you not trust him to lead his own life, you criticise him for supporting the mother of his children who has had a stroke.

OP, he has made his choice and that was to lie to you, it was easier for him.

He wants to help her and if that means lying to you about it, he will.

It is up to you what you do with that information.

@Facecloth, yes you are right, he has lied to me. That's what I find hard as before he always shared what was happening. I have been supportive throughout the marriage in helping him navigate how she has behaved. I've even taken her side when I felt he she wasn't acting appropriately. I thought we had a different kind of relationship. He will know all of my conversations with my ex regarding our children and will say how he feels , even if he's unhappy about something my ex has said or done. I thought that's what we were about. We both have disagreements regarding how they exs might behave regarding the DC but we always had them out in the open

I used to have a controlling ex. I used to lie to him about where I was going and what was doing because I couldn’t deal with all the drama and accusations if I told the truth. I I am normally a very honest straight forward person usually. I was never doing anything wrong or anything that needed lying about. Thankfully I woke up and realised he was the problem and got rid of him. In the future if I ever feel like I have to lie about what I’m doing to someone then the relationship is over.

The OP goes on about how helping other people caused him stress and time off work. Is the stress not due to being caught between trying to do the right thing and the demands of a controlling wife?

Maybe he lied because he feared your reaction. I think you're being extremely unreasonable. The poor woman has had a stroke. Cop onto yourself and try and dig deep for a little sympathy and compassion

YABU with that thread title. Basically clickbait.

For the children, you are the new wife. I didn't mean anything by it, just making the difference between and "ex" and "current". But current wife sounds weird 😂

goady much?

Oh jeez, he lied because you made it impossible for him tell you the truth. You’re the unreasonable one and you’re focussing on his response to your controlling behaviour?
I’d very much hope any decent man would support the mother of his kids when she’s had a stroke. I feel sorry for him that he has to navigate your demands as well.
At what point are you considering his kids in all of this? I suspect you’re not. Poor guy.