Ex at door shouting through intercom that I am ripping him off.

VenusJupiter · 2025-09-14T16:30:47+00:00

I applied for CM for DD . Ex basically asked us to leave and was a complete narcissistic bully when I was staying with him. He also twisted everything and my mum believed him.. Anyway he has since been at my entrance door( I refuse to let him up) buzzing and shouting down the intercom that I am ripping him off. I take it CM have contacted him. I will not allow him in and I'm worried he runs off with DD. I'm not allowing him to see her and I'm thinking now to go for full PR. I can't co parent with him as all he has done is lie to HV, SW and GP etc. They are aware that it's fabricated because all he did was work 24/7 and meet his mate when DD was 2 - 3 months. DD is on her way to being 6 months. Everytime he has seen us in the street he never acknowledges her and goes straight for me , filming me , calling me selfish.. I don't know what he thinks his filming of me is going to achieve. Sometimes I feel guilty because she has reached so many milestones , but I really am dealing with a narcissistic man child. I feel legal action is the only way forward. He applied for her passport , withheld it from her , refuses to hand it over and also won't give me the seat for her pram to convert it from a basinette to sitting up. I could go on, but won't. I went through HELL with this so called man. Now he is saying I'm ripping him off by going to CM. He hasn't bothered to bring any formula etc for her.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 14/09/2025 17:32

Record him ranting at you.

Keep it.

ginasevern · 14/09/2025 17:34

Can't you report him for harrassment?

Azandme · 14/09/2025 17:35

Call the police. You are being harassed. He won't leave.

Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 17:36

I think it may have to come to that if this continues.

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Whateverwillwedonow · 14/09/2025 17:36

I would go to the police.

Whateverwillwedonow · 14/09/2025 17:36

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 17:36

I think it may have to come to that if this continues.

Don’t wait for it to get worse.

Bimblebombles · 14/09/2025 17:38

This is worrying reading, please go to police and don’t let your child out of your care to this man.

Nousernamesleftatall · 14/09/2025 17:39

Does he have family abroad? I would be worried about the passport

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 14/09/2025 17:40

Call the police, every time. Even if you think they won't do anything, it creates a paper trail.

Never engage with him on the phone, always by text or email if you have to.

Get a ring doorbell.

Can you report her passport as lost/stolen and pay for one yourself? (Not sure if that's legal or not so check).

It's going to be nearly impossible for him to lose PR but, if he pushes, you can go for supervised visits with enough evidence of his behaviour.

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 14/09/2025 17:45

There’s several things going on that need to be dealt with. Him harassing you, you need to report him to the police. You’ve claimed for child support, good, he should be financially contributing to the child he helped create. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s literally impossible to “rip him off” by going through CMS unless the child isn’t biologically his. Which she is.

As for “going for full PR” you’re not going to be able to get that. Assuming you mean parental responsibility. Not if he’s on the birth certificate. I would absolutely seek legal advice however, in how to keep your child from contact with this idiot while he is behaving like this. Especially as he’s apparently got possession of her passport.

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 14/09/2025 17:45

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 14/09/2025 17:40

Call the police, every time. Even if you think they won't do anything, it creates a paper trail.

Never engage with him on the phone, always by text or email if you have to.

Get a ring doorbell.

Can you report her passport as lost/stolen and pay for one yourself? (Not sure if that's legal or not so check).

It's going to be nearly impossible for him to lose PR but, if he pushes, you can go for supervised visits with enough evidence of his behaviour.

This is all really good advice.

Shinyhappypeople43 · 14/09/2025 17:58

He's harassing you now, don't wait for it to escalate before calling the police. Record him shouting at you in front of your daughter - it's abusive to both of you.

I think you need legal advice right away as he has her passport - if he had family abroad, is there any chance that could he take her to them? Why did he want her passport?

The good thing is that you've left him, I hope your mum is realising what a shit he is. Don't feel guilty that he's missing milestones, it doesn't sound as if he cares about your DD at all, he's more focused on punishing you.

Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 18:46

His family are in Nigeria. He is British Citizen - says through his cousin, but I'm now thinking it's through some poor woman, but he will never disclose that .
DD is the only child he has as far as I'm aware.
We were never because my mum wanted us married where she is from as that's where my parents will move and they wanted papers drawn up , so that he would never get his hands on anything .
He just does not want to be responsible for us, so turned nasty saying I was the problem.
Truly cruel and I will never let DD out my sight.
I take her about in a baby bjorn carry sling until something is in place.
He tried to get me to invite him in as he said he said we need to 'talk'. Never.
He tried to get me to sign papers saying he would have DD 50% of the time. Obviously because he thought he wouldn't have to pay maintenance if she was with him 50%. He also had a plan to work from home whilst having her in his care!!! All to avoid paying because he thinks he would be paying me and not for DD's benefit .

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Shinyhappypeople43 · 14/09/2025 18:58

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 18:46

His family are in Nigeria. He is British Citizen - says through his cousin, but I'm now thinking it's through some poor woman, but he will never disclose that .
DD is the only child he has as far as I'm aware.
We were never because my mum wanted us married where she is from as that's where my parents will move and they wanted papers drawn up , so that he would never get his hands on anything .
He just does not want to be responsible for us, so turned nasty saying I was the problem.
Truly cruel and I will never let DD out my sight.
I take her about in a baby bjorn carry sling until something is in place.
He tried to get me to invite him in as he said he said we need to 'talk'. Never.
He tried to get me to sign papers saying he would have DD 50% of the time. Obviously because he thought he wouldn't have to pay maintenance if she was with him 50%. He also had a plan to work from home whilst having her in his care!!! All to avoid paying because he thinks he would be paying me and not for DD's benefit .

The only way he'd get citizenship through his cousin would be if he'd married her - it sounds like he hasn't been upfront about this.

I'm a bit confused about what you say about your parents - are they Nigerian too, and planning on returning to Nigeria at some stage? If so, is there any chance that they think your baby should be brought up in Nigeria? Perhaps by them?

You're being very strong, you sound like a great mum, but you should tell the police about the harassment, and talk to a lawyer, or citizens advice or other advice centre, about your ex having your child's passport - ideally you should get it blocked, or flagged on the system so that no one can take her out of the country without your approval.

Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 20:22

Cousin is male sorry should have said. I'm thinking he was previously married and gained it that way, but claims cousin sponsored him...

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Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 20:25

No, I'm not Nigerian. I'm from the UK

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Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 20:25

No, I'm not Nigerian. I'm from the UK

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Sosbanfachtheresatellyinmybath · 14/09/2025 20:30

Police every time he harasses you. Then family court for a live with order. I had to do that when my abusive ex was making threats to take our dd. He now only has supervised contact in a contact centre

sosorryimnotsorry · 14/09/2025 20:34

Honestly I would up and move. I’ll probably be criticised for saying it but I would up and move far away. I would be seriously concerned about him absconding with your LO back to Nigeria. I would definitely report to the police now. You will need evidence of his behaviour if you do end up in court.

Original poster

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 20:38

Yes , I'm gonna have to go down a similar route. I just don't see him wanting to pay for court costs. He has a good job and involvement in another company. He loves to earn money , but just doesn't want to pay towards DD now that we are not together . Expects it all his way and wants 50 50 because he does not want to pay CM.

I was just sent this....
C, deserve access to see her Dad, please can you stop denying her access to spend time with Dad, every week am coming over or contacting you so I can see our daughter but you keep denying C access to see the Dad and also denying Dad access to see the child. Are you doing this because you are looking to rip your daughter Dad off. This is 2025. C* needs fathers love as well as mothers love, so please stop denying us access to see and spend time with each other (father and daughters love).

Sorry hid DDs name.

He really sounds all over the shop...

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sosorryimnotsorry · 14/09/2025 20:57

Block him.

Rainbowqueeen · 14/09/2025 21:06

Call the police. Every time. You need a paper trail showing harassment that is not just your word against his.

if he wants access he can apply to the court. In the meantime I would speak to rights of women or womens aid. I don’t think you would get full PR but you may be able to argue for supervised visitation. It’s best to get some advice.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/09/2025 21:31

Call the police.
youll never get pr taken from him unless he does something like murder you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/09/2025 21:32

VenusJupiter · 14/09/2025 20:38

Yes , I'm gonna have to go down a similar route. I just don't see him wanting to pay for court costs. He has a good job and involvement in another company. He loves to earn money , but just doesn't want to pay towards DD now that we are not together . Expects it all his way and wants 50 50 because he does not want to pay CM.

I was just sent this....
C, deserve access to see her Dad, please can you stop denying her access to spend time with Dad, every week am coming over or contacting you so I can see our daughter but you keep denying C access to see the Dad and also denying Dad access to see the child. Are you doing this because you are looking to rip your daughter Dad off. This is 2025. C* needs fathers love as well as mothers love, so please stop denying us access to see and spend time with each other (father and daughters love).

Sorry hid DDs name.

He really sounds all over the shop...

Can you suggest shuttle mediation and supervised contact centre visits so you can show you want to support them to have a relationship in a safe way

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/09/2025 21:33

You may need to apply for a non molestation order