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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stbxh and new GF tattoos representing our children???

45 replies

Downtoyou · 14/09/2025 12:46

For context, my stbxh and I separated over 2 years ago, I left him, cheating, gambling etc and we have 2 children together. Our eldest is 18 and our son passed away last year aged 13 after a short illness with cancer. We are not yet divorced, we've obviously had a lot to deal with and don't really speak to each other unless necessary.

Stbxh has bounced from relationship to relationship and now has a new gf. He has pretty much moved in with her and her 3 boys and will be giving up his current home in a few weeks to move in full time.

DD has told me that to celebrate their recent 7 month anniversary together they got matching tattoos. Their tattoos are a penguin couple, representing them, and on her side are 3 baby penguins for her 3 boys and on his side are 2 baby penguins representing our 2 children, including our deceased son. She hasn't met DD and never met my son.

DD is upset that there is a woman she hasn't met yet with a tattoo representing her and her deceased brother, and that her dad has a tattoo representing his gf's children that he hasn't known long. It has caused a huge argument between DD and her dad. He didn't show her the tattoo, she spotted it as it's on his arm and asked what it was, apparently it was the gf's idea but he thought it was a good one.

I am struggling with how I feel about this myself, part of me thinks it's a bit pathetic, like having to prove to the world how happy they are, but the other part of me is angry that they think this is okay and that DD is upset.

AIBU to think this is weird?

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/09/2025 12:49

That’s just plain weird. It’s hard to imagine what could be going through someone’s head to do that. Sounds very impulsive at not very sane. Try not to dwell on it. Your ex and his new girlfriend are clearly bonkers and this relationship is likely to be a train wreck. Do whatever you can to protect your DD, and just ignore the crazy people.

ilovepixie · 14/09/2025 12:50

I wouldn’t have an issue with this. It’s a matching tattoo, if she one had with only her kids and he his them they wouldn’t be matching! It’s not like she has a photo of his kids on the tattoo.

Withthecorner · 14/09/2025 12:54

‘Only worry about what you can change’.

This isn't worth your energy. Nothing you can do about it, nothing you can change.

CinnamonBuns67 · 14/09/2025 13:00

As above poster says only worry about what you can change. Yes it's a little strange but focus on yourself and DD not what your ex and his girlfriend are doing.

GrimDamnFanjo · 14/09/2025 13:00

But daft to have a permanent tattoo so I’d not engage and hope she can get it redone after a breakup

InterestedDad37 · 14/09/2025 13:03

He sounds like an absolute arse, but you know, his body, his children, his choice, even though that choice is frankly weird, and he may well end up regretting that he had it done.
Your daughter has every right to be upset and annoyed too - hopefully she will realise what an idiot he is, and resolve to avoid men like him.

Mumofteenandtween · 14/09/2025 13:04

That’s hilarious! Their relationship is 7 months old and now they are stuck with those pictures for the rest of their lives!

Encourage your dd to just snigger slightly and move on.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 14/09/2025 13:04

Ah well, they're the ones that will look a bit silly when they split

Original poster
Downtoyou · 14/09/2025 13:09

I just feel sad because DD is upset but I definitely think we will be able to see the funny side, pair of dicks

OP posts:
Pinkcherry26 · 14/09/2025 13:11

Your poor daughter but honestly, I would be quite nonplussed at the idea anyone, let alone my own father, thought a penguin chick was a meaningful way to represent me. It's just a stupid (very stupid) matching tattoo of two adult and five penguin chicks and has nothing really to do with the actual children, including your son, and everything to with your stbxh and his new gf being idiots.

Pinkcherry26 · 14/09/2025 13:12

And I am very sorry for your loss.

BauhausOfEliott · 14/09/2025 13:13

First of all I’m so sorry about your son. It must be unbelievably difficult to come to terms with that loss.

With regards to your ex and his girlfriend, they sound like a pair of idiots but don’t give it a second thought. The tattoos are a representation of them and what’s in each of their lives; it’s not a case of them professing love for each other’s children. I can see why you and your DD feel it’s inappropriate but really, I don’t think it has the full significance you’re attributing to it. They’re fools and I suspect an expensive course of laser removal or a large cover up tattoo will be on the cards soon.

Whateverwillwedonow · 14/09/2025 13:16

What an idiot.

I can see why your dd is upset but at least she can see what an idiot her dad is.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2025 13:16

How is it their anniversary when they've only been together 7 months? Anyway they sound like a pair of numbnuts, I'm not surprised your daughter's upset.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/09/2025 13:19

Good God. What a pair of idiots. She must be incredibly insecure. All you can do is protect your daughter from their absolute twattery. My ex-h was massively anti-tattoo and it was a dealbreaker for him if I had one. I don’t. Yet OW insisted he had her name put on his leg. The man is terrified of needles yet he meekly agreed. It upset my son. We agreed OW was marking her territory. It’s so pathetic. Try not to dwell, you’ve had an awful lot of tragedy to cope with 💐

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 14/09/2025 13:30

Downtoyou · 14/09/2025 12:46

For context, my stbxh and I separated over 2 years ago, I left him, cheating, gambling etc and we have 2 children together. Our eldest is 18 and our son passed away last year aged 13 after a short illness with cancer. We are not yet divorced, we've obviously had a lot to deal with and don't really speak to each other unless necessary.

Stbxh has bounced from relationship to relationship and now has a new gf. He has pretty much moved in with her and her 3 boys and will be giving up his current home in a few weeks to move in full time.

DD has told me that to celebrate their recent 7 month anniversary together they got matching tattoos. Their tattoos are a penguin couple, representing them, and on her side are 3 baby penguins for her 3 boys and on his side are 2 baby penguins representing our 2 children, including our deceased son. She hasn't met DD and never met my son.

DD is upset that there is a woman she hasn't met yet with a tattoo representing her and her deceased brother, and that her dad has a tattoo representing his gf's children that he hasn't known long. It has caused a huge argument between DD and her dad. He didn't show her the tattoo, she spotted it as it's on his arm and asked what it was, apparently it was the gf's idea but he thought it was a good one.

I am struggling with how I feel about this myself, part of me thinks it's a bit pathetic, like having to prove to the world how happy they are, but the other part of me is angry that they think this is okay and that DD is upset.

AIBU to think this is weird?

With kindness, its his body, his life, his choice.
I can see why its bothering you because your DD is upset by it. Maybe explain to her that her dad is an adult and can do what he likes but even as adults, we dont always make wise choices or consider the wider effects these may have on others, intentional or not.
Your family has been through more than most will ever have to deal with and maybe ask if your DD would like to speak to someone professionally if she is struggling to come to terms with her fathers life choices?

aforasshole · 14/09/2025 13:41

I would have to laugh it off. If the most sentimental and artistic way that they could express their love for each other was by drawing 14 penguins on themselves then let them crack on. I love tattoos and penguins but even I think that’s daft. Make a joke of it with your DD, whenever you need to refer to your STBXH just pin your arms to your side, flap your hands, and waddle like you’ve just soiled yourself. She’ll see him for the joke that he is.

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 14/09/2025 13:46

Yeah that’s weird and I can understand why your daughter is pissed off. it also sounds tacky and desperate on her dad’s part- using his kids including his dead son, to get in more with his new GF through the medium of a matching tattoo. And vice versa actually.

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 14/09/2025 13:48

Also I don’t think I’ve marked a 7 month anniversary or similar since I was about 17. And one of these 2 dipshits is old enough to have fathered an 18 year old.

Original poster
Downtoyou · 14/09/2025 13:59

aforasshole · 14/09/2025 13:41

I would have to laugh it off. If the most sentimental and artistic way that they could express their love for each other was by drawing 14 penguins on themselves then let them crack on. I love tattoos and penguins but even I think that’s daft. Make a joke of it with your DD, whenever you need to refer to your STBXH just pin your arms to your side, flap your hands, and waddle like you’ve just soiled yourself. She’ll see him for the joke that he is.

This has given me the laugh I needed, thank you!

OP posts:
napody · 14/09/2025 14:04

Seven MONTH anniversary ?!😂
I wouldn't give it much airtime. They're batshit, your daughter can 'see him for the joke that he is' as a pp put it so well.

I think with things like this there's likely to be a bit of guilt on your part that you've 'saddled her' with such a loser father. But if it hadn't been him you'd had children with, you wouldn't have her. Focus on that and try to let his bullshit wash over you both- make light of it.

Original poster
Downtoyou · 14/09/2025 20:24

The thing is he's been a good sad generally, but it seems he has lost the plot since losing our son and wants to rush into replacing our family life asap.

OP posts:
notnorman · 15/09/2025 08:06

Sorry for your son. Please give your daughter a big hug from me xx

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/09/2025 08:09

Seven month anniversary what is he 14 or something? I wouldnt blame your DD is she choose never to speak to him again or grief him forever more with penguin jokes, this is seriously disrespectful to both of your children.
so sorry for your loss op xx

Redragtoabull · 15/09/2025 23:38

Are you also 12?!!