Stbxh and new GF tattoos representing our children???

[Downtoyou]

For context, my stbxh and I separated over 2 years ago, I left him, cheating, gambling etc and we have 2 children together. Our eldest is 18 and our son passed away last year aged 13 after a short illness with cancer. We are not yet divorced, we've obviously had a lot to deal with and don't really speak to each other unless necessary.

Stbxh has bounced from relationship to relationship and now has a new gf. He has pretty much moved in with her and her 3 boys and will be giving up his current home in a few weeks to move in full time.

DD has told me that to celebrate their recent 7 month anniversary together they got matching tattoos. Their tattoos are a penguin couple, representing them, and on her side are 3 baby penguins for her 3 boys and on his side are 2 baby penguins representing our 2 children, including our deceased son. She hasn't met DD and never met my son.

DD is upset that there is a woman she hasn't met yet with a tattoo representing her and her deceased brother, and that her dad has a tattoo representing his gf's children that he hasn't known long. It has caused a huge argument between DD and her dad. He didn't show her the tattoo, she spotted it as it's on his arm and asked what it was, apparently it was the gf's idea but he thought it was a good one.

I am struggling with how I feel about this myself, part of me thinks it's a bit pathetic, like having to prove to the world how happy they are, but the other part of me is angry that they think this is okay and that DD is upset.

AIBU to think this is weird?

What??
My exes new gf has a tattoo representing my children, including my son who passed away aged 13 just a year ago. They have been together 7 months, I am allowed to be upset.

Are you the gf??

At the end of the day it’s a penguin tattoo. If there’s no names, dates, portraits etc then it’s literally just matching penguin tattoos. I think you’re perhaps overreacting a bit.

Ignore the shitty comment OP, you’re entitled to be upset, particularly at the representation of your so recently late son.

Its a crude and impulsive expression of emotion for his children and his infatuation with his new partner. And while most mature reflective people will struggle to understand it, it's unlikely to have come from a place of disrespect.
Unfortunately he has the right to express himself on his body any way he lawfully chooses, and he has done so. So what can't be changed needs to be accepted if your DD wants to continue her relationship with him.
I understand she is hurt, and why (and you too) but your family has suffered so much pain, for which I'm sorry for you all, and I think if DD has voiced her feelings, it may be best to let it go.
I'm obviously judging him all ways to Sunday myself, but sometimes you need to hold your peace because only more pain can come from continuing animosity.

I’d find this hilarious. Not because it’s funny, but because it’s so embarrassing. Why the fuck penguins of all animals?! The relationship is unlikely to last then they’ll be a pair of idiots with seven random penguins tattooed on them, which is funny.

I wondered if maybe penguins mate for life, but a quick google explains that they only mate for a season, which in my stbxh's case, is spot on! 😂

Well its very strange but your ex must be grieving to hence making an irrational decision maybe?
Very peculiar for the new girlfriend though
I'm.sorry for your loss.

OP I think the best thing to do for your DD is to just make a joke of it or roll your eyes. He's been a right idiot. What you said about thinking penguins mated for life but it's only one season was really funny. Just make it into something not serious. He'll end up as a bloke with a load of penguins on his arm which he'll have to explain to people even after they split.

There are two issues at play here - issue 1: your ex sounds like he was a bit of a dick. Issue 2: both you and your ex are grieving the awful loss of your son.
It could be that this new relationship which he seems to have rushed into is his way of dealing with the bereavement. People grieve in different ways, there’s no right or wrong way.

Bloody nasty

It’s a penguin tattoo. I’d leave them to it. Your DD is an adult now too. I’d not say anything about it.

Nothing says family like penguin tattoos.🤣🤣🤣🤣 fucking idiots.

Let's hope his next gf isn't a mother of 4.

Or isn't into Polar Bears...

I mean, you have to start referring to him as 'Pingu' right? 😂

Oh, absolutely 🤣

Is that directed at the OP? If so, you should be disgusted with yourself. OP has lost a child and you think that is an appropriate comment?

I'm so sorry about your son.

Your ex has obviously lost the plot. It's a shame as your daughter needs him but at least she has you.

Sorry again, it's horrible.

He's to be pitied OP.
I am so sorry for your enormous loss.
Definitely make a joke of it to your daughter.
He couldn't be in his right mind and do that.
He probably isn't.
The loss of a child is the greatest burden of grief ever.
My son's best friend died suddenly 2 years ago and it was like a bomb went off in our family, not to mind his wonderful friend's family.

They are still struggling terribly, as are his siblings.
Cut him slack and you try and mind yourself.

The only good thing is that, when they split up, it should be relatively easy to turn the penguins in to a cock and balls to represent the dick he is!