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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling so crap!!

39 replies

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:12

Ok so I feel utter shit about myself, hubby , friends etc always say I shouldn't I look great etc but I generally look in the mirror and see myself completely different! To the point today I went very OTT when my husband was talking to a women at football about some volunteer work for our son, she was a young blonde and in my stupid brain I automatically thought he must fancy her and chatting her up!!

Yes yes I know stupid of me BUT how can I stop myself feeling like this???

If im honest I wish I could just take medication to numb all feelings but...

OP posts:
2015pls · 14/09/2025 07:41

Must be exhausting for your husband and friends to be constantly propping you up OP.

Maybe therapy?

Do you exercise? Look after yourself?

Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:47

They dont need propping me up! But I understand why you would say that.

Yes i have considered therapy. Would setraline help maybe ?

OP posts:
Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:48

And yes I actually do exercise and eat very well but I just feel utter crap! Maybe I should just not mention it again and try to suppress it ? So that they think im ok and not to bother them?

OP posts:
2015pls · 14/09/2025 07:48

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:47

They dont need propping me up! But I understand why you would say that.

Yes i have considered therapy. Would setraline help maybe ?

hubby , friends etc always say I shouldn't I look great etc

that sounds like propping up

Setraline is for depression

what is your exercise like? Do you look after yourself?

2015pls · 14/09/2025 07:49

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:48

And yes I actually do exercise and eat very well but I just feel utter crap! Maybe I should just not mention it again and try to suppress it ? So that they think im ok and not to bother them?

So weight is good? Hair healthy and cut? Nails tidy? Look after skin and teeth?

in that case, try therapy

MyZippyPlayer · 14/09/2025 07:49

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:48

And yes I actually do exercise and eat very well but I just feel utter crap! Maybe I should just not mention it again and try to suppress it ? So that they think im ok and not to bother them?

You sound like hard work and needy and clearly need to seek therapy to sort your negative mindset out.

You dont need medication, you need therapy.

2015pls · 14/09/2025 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Eeehbyeck · 14/09/2025 07:51

Christ these responses are harsh!
agree, get yourself some therapy as your appearance whatever that looks like adjectively, isn’t your worth nor should it be at the forefront of how you feel about yourself

MouseCheese87 · 14/09/2025 07:53

MyZippyPlayer · 14/09/2025 07:49

You sound like hard work and needy and clearly need to seek therapy to sort your negative mindset out.

You dont need medication, you need therapy.

Show quote history

How unnecessarily mean. Everyone goes through low points at times of life. She's in need of some support, why shouldn't her husband support her? She might seem needy to you but her husband loves her and should care to know how she's feeling.

Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:57

MyZippyPlayer · 14/09/2025 07:49

You sound like hard work and needy and clearly need to seek therapy to sort your negative mindset out.

You dont need medication, you need therapy.

Show quote history

Oh dear you're one of those ones.... glad I'm not suicidal because comments like this cause push someone over the edge.

OP posts:
PremiumMode · 14/09/2025 07:57

Sounds like a personality trait if you know you look fine but want reassurance all the time?

I had to distance myself from a friend who was like this, she was exhausting, always wanting compliments.

She'd be like "oh God I look sooooo fat don't I? What do you think? What size would you guess these jeans are?"

She was very slim and she knew it.

Her husband ended up leaving her, for someone who traditionally wasn't as good looking and a larger size but was really happy being herself and thus less hard work and more fun!

MyZippyPlayer · 14/09/2025 07:58

MouseCheese87 · 14/09/2025 07:53

How unnecessarily mean. Everyone goes through low points at times of life. She's in need of some support, why shouldn't her husband support her? She might seem needy to you but her husband loves her and should care to know how she's feeling.

Show quote history

Sometimes being blunt with people necessary.

The OP needs a therapist and support from a husband isnt going to help here as it sounds beyond family support.

Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:58

MouseCheese87 · 14/09/2025 07:53

How unnecessarily mean. Everyone goes through low points at times of life. She's in need of some support, why shouldn't her husband support her? She might seem needy to you but her husband loves her and should care to know how she's feeling.

Show quote history

Thank you. Its so refreshing to hear from genuinely nice people. I will seek therapy because trust me nothing is more mentally draining that how I feel right now and I dont have a reason why... thank you again

OP posts:
Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:00

PremiumMode · 14/09/2025 07:57

Sounds like a personality trait if you know you look fine but want reassurance all the time?

I had to distance myself from a friend who was like this, she was exhausting, always wanting compliments.

She'd be like "oh God I look sooooo fat don't I? What do you think? What size would you guess these jeans are?"

She was very slim and she knew it.

Her husband ended up leaving her, for someone who traditionally wasn't as good looking and a larger size but was really happy being herself and thus less hard work and more fun!

Go away. I dont seek reassurance nor do I bloody ask questions all the time !!

OP posts:
Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thank you I will suppress all my feelings from now on

OP posts:
SomeLikeitSnot · 14/09/2025 08:01

I would get some counselling OP sounds like a good place to start. It’s fine to check how you look etc but needing constant reassurance is tedious for the people giving it, so I would be seeking the root cause for your poor self esteem. Do you feel low or depressed? Sertraline wont make you confident or comfortable in your skin but it helps with mood if you’re depressed. Did you have a difficult childhood, did something trigger the constant reassurance that you look ok?

Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:03

SomeLikeitSnot · 14/09/2025 08:01

I would get some counselling OP sounds like a good place to start. It’s fine to check how you look etc but needing constant reassurance is tedious for the people giving it, so I would be seeking the root cause for your poor self esteem. Do you feel low or depressed? Sertraline wont make you confident or comfortable in your skin but it helps with mood if you’re depressed. Did you have a difficult childhood, did something trigger the constant reassurance that you look ok?

I was in a very abusive relationship for 10 years. My childhood consisted of very drunk parents and alot of fights

OP posts:
SomeLikeitSnot · 14/09/2025 08:03

Thank you I will suppress all my feelings from now on

Come on, this isn’t what they meant. If you can tell you’re being irrationally jealous those are the times to hold your tongue. Or when you’ve asked your husband how you look and they’ve said ‘lovely’ once already. Not every feeling

Agix · 14/09/2025 08:03

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 07:48

And yes I actually do exercise and eat very well but I just feel utter crap! Maybe I should just not mention it again and try to suppress it ? So that they think im ok and not to bother them?

If you know you're being irrational, then yes, this is what you do. You do not put your irrational thoughts and feelings on those you love... You certainly don't blame them for it.

If you need help with the weight of the irrational thoughts and feelings, you go to therapy to talk it out.

AnotherNaCha · 14/09/2025 08:03

Harsh comments!

I get you OP, I feel similar at times. It’s nothing to suppress or feel ashamed of. Being self aware is huge…

Has it always been like this? Sorry to mention the go-to peri, but it can mess with emotions like this. It did me.

Am also not above insane bursts of jealousy. I do therapy and it really helps, I also take an SSRI like sertraline, which is also for anxiety and PMDD - as it can be worse for me at different stages of the cycle.

Talking honestly to your partner (if he’s open and understanding) can also help.

You're not alone

PremiumMode · 14/09/2025 08:04

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:00

Go away. I dont seek reassurance nor do I bloody ask questions all the time !!

Show quote history

Ok so I feel utter shit about myself, hubby , friends etc always say I shouldn't I look great etc

You said your husband and friends 'always say...'

That indicates you're always asking/bringing it up, no?

It's not up to other people to boost your self esteem. Honestly being around someone like that is really unpleasant.

Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:06

AnotherNaCha · 14/09/2025 08:03

Harsh comments!

I get you OP, I feel similar at times. It’s nothing to suppress or feel ashamed of. Being self aware is huge…

Has it always been like this? Sorry to mention the go-to peri, but it can mess with emotions like this. It did me.

Am also not above insane bursts of jealousy. I do therapy and it really helps, I also take an SSRI like sertraline, which is also for anxiety and PMDD - as it can be worse for me at different stages of the cycle.

Talking honestly to your partner (if he’s open and understanding) can also help.

You're not alone

Thank you 😊 do you mean peri menopausal? I'm 36 is that possible at this age? I may try both setraline and therapy?

OP posts:
Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:07

SomeLikeitSnot · 14/09/2025 08:03

Thank you I will suppress all my feelings from now on

Come on, this isn’t what they meant. If you can tell you’re being irrationally jealous those are the times to hold your tongue. Or when you’ve asked your husband how you look and they’ve said ‘lovely’ once already. Not every feeling

Ok thank you that makes sense. I do understand what you mean

OP posts:
Original poster
annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:08

PremiumMode · 14/09/2025 08:04

Ok so I feel utter shit about myself, hubby , friends etc always say I shouldn't I look great etc

You said your husband and friends 'always say...'

That indicates you're always asking/bringing it up, no?

It's not up to other people to boost your self esteem. Honestly being around someone like that is really unpleasant.

Show quote history

I dont ask... they genuinely just say because my youngest is 1 years old... the only think i do mention is feel old because I swear I have more wrinkles than ever 😆

OP posts:
Agix · 14/09/2025 08:09

annon20251 · 14/09/2025 08:01

Thank you I will suppress all my feelings from now on

Show quote history

I hope you don't talk like this to people you know if real life, because this is abusive. You're deflecting and playing thr martyr. Someone explained how you need to manage / change one aspect about yourself, and you jump to "well ill suppress ALL my feelings then". You know that's not what was said. Everyone knows that's not what was said. You did it to play the victim and the martyr and deflect from what was actually being said.

You sound quite cruel, if this is how to act on the regular, and an abusive childhood and feeling bad about yourself doesn't excuse that.

Therapy seems very needed.