Feeling so crap!!

[annon20251]

Ok so I feel utter shit about myself, hubby , friends etc always say I shouldn't I look great etc but I generally look in the mirror and see myself completely different! To the point today I went very OTT when my husband was talking to a women at football about some volunteer work for our son, she was a young blonde and in my stupid brain I automatically thought he must fancy her and chatting her up!!

Yes yes I know stupid of me BUT how can I stop myself feeling like this???

If im honest I wish I could just take medication to numb all feelings but...

Sounds like counselling would help. You have a history of abuse and maybe it is that that feeds into your insecurities. Something like CBT night also help you challenge some of your negative thinking e.g. husband is talking to who you perceived to be an attractive woman. Reframe this and challenge your own thoughts. He is happy with me. He knows that women works for the company son wants to do voluntary work for. If I go say hello I can join the conversation.
I don't think taking medication is what you need as it is more your thought process that is causing the issue - how you see yourself, how you think others see you - drugs won't help with this and won't give an easy fix like you might be hoping for.

Unfortunately, no matter how much work you put in and how good you look, you are pretty much guaranteed to encounter women who you feel look better, and this increases as you get older. And sometimes your partner will interact with them. So it's really important to tackle this as an issue with your state of mind, rather than with your appearance.
Instead of getting reassurance that you look great and trying to believe it, you need to train your mind to think of your appearance as less important.
Start with distraction, so keep yourself busy and your mind stimulated. When you're doing something like football with your child, force your attention to stay on what you're there for rather than other women's appearance. Strictly limit your mirror time to checking you're tidy. Avoid SM that focuses on women's beauty. Seek out and enjoy external beauty, scenery, art. Enjoy other pleasures in life that are irrelevant to how you look.
It takes time and work to retrain a brain that has become preoccupied with a single thing, but you can get there.

Maybe a little young for peri, but track your cycle and see if you feel worse at certain times. Abuse has been shown to make you more sensitive to hormone fluctuations too.

I’d start with therapy if you can. Talk to your GP about antidepressants, if you have wider issues going on etc. While it’s not for boosting self esteem, if you’re being worn down by constant negative thoughts that are affecting your relationships, that may be anxiety/depression/PMDD.

Therapy is the one though. Good luck

It’s entirely normal to feel this way with a 1 year old! It doesn’t last forever I promise!

However you do also sound like you might have some childhood trauma and may benefit from talking this through with someone.

Is there a back story here? Is your husband abusive, verbally/flirting with other women etc?

If not, perhaps do see a therapist to discuss.

Agix
I hope you don't talk like this to people you know if real life, because this is abusive. You're deflecting and playing thr martyr. Someone explained how you need to manage / change one aspect about yourself, and you jump to "well ill suppress ALL my feelings then". You know that's not what was said. Everyone knows that's not what was said. You did it to play the victim and the martyr and deflect from what was actually being said.
You sound quite cruel, if this is how to act on the regular, and an abusive childhood and feeling bad about yourself doesn't excuse that.

To be fair this isn’t the nicest way to talk to someone either, they come here with issues and you’ve called them abusive and cruel. I don’t get how this thread nosedived like this. Op, I don’t know that medication is the immediate answer, it does sound like you need to talk to someone in real life

Sertraline isn’t just for depression, it can also be for anxiety and OCD. Constantly asking others for reassurance is a symptom of OCD.

Ah yikes, I can see why the thread is like it is. Op it feels like attention seeking behaviour, asking friends, husband, being jealous etc, and it may have evolved into your go to behaviour as the compliments and reassurance you get makes you feel better, so you’re in a vicious circle really. It does sound exhausting for everyone, including yourself

i don’t know that anyone can say it’s depression, or a personality issue , or something that needs therapy, for example is it a new thing, something you learned as a child, do you have no control, or is the desire for the reassurance or compliment so strong you need to act.

hard to advise really I think,

Agree some responses here a bit on the harsh side when OP is already feeling low.

I think it depends if this is a new-ish trait or whether you have always had a tendency to feel like this OP. I think most people if they are being honest would feel at least some way about their spouse speaking to/paying attention a person they perceive as more attractive than themselves once in a while. You would have to be tremendously confident not to-more power to anyone who hasn't, but I know I have felt insecure fron time to time.

How you deal with it is key though-unless there is inappropriate flirting/some other reason to suspect anything else-you have to deal with it internally, because its how you are feeling making you low, not what someone else is doing.

The point is, you are who you are and how you look, be unapologetically just that-you say you already look after yourself, and comparison is the thief of joy as they say-maybe work on appreciating yourself and complimenting yourself more.

With kindness, you have so far implied comments on here which really aren't that bad may cause suicide and have snapped at about three people on one page.

I honestly don't think this is the right platform for your concerns.

It is really difficult feeling insecure. Your history with abuse, definitely will not have helped with this. Did you also grow up in a family where a lot of emphasis was placed on looks? I was and it took many years of work to learn that my worth was not contingent on me being the prettiest person in the room all the time.

Definitely think you need to discuss with a professional and not seek too much reassurance from friends and family as it does take its toll on other people if you need a lot of reassurance about your looks.

If it helps, I bet you look great, but even if you didn't, it wouldn't mean you were about to lose your husband

This

Thank you all for your replies. Trust me I KNOW i need help I KNOW im being unreasonable. I'm not a cruel person though and I care deeply about my family and fear of losing them. There's so much more to ME i guess that i need yo work on. Ive apologised to my husband and told him I WILL sort myself out and stop thinking so stupid. Thank you again for all your honest opinions

OP - just to say I’m 63 - I used to be a beauty queen ( when such things existed) I look ok but certainly not amazing - I’m overweight, shit teeth, but I’m quite youthful I guess for my age - my H on the other hand looks great for his age , attracts every single middle aged glamourpass going - such is life, most wouldn’t put up with his moods, habits and being somewhat self centred. You just have to accept it’s life and get into your head all the good things about you that make him lucky to have you - there will always be women around that you think they ‘might fancy’ - try fancying a few blokes in your head, and keep it that way - puts it into perspective.

Thank you 😊 xx