To be disgusted with my DD uni accommodation, pics included?

[DumpedByText]

My DD has moved four hours away to her uni accommodation today.

We got in her room and it was filthy, there is a huge burn mark in the middle of the carpet where someone has put a hot pan down. The desk has a burnt circle so has the windowsill. There is mould all around the window that won't come off.

The toilet seat is falling off, there was a leak under the bathroom sink. Cobwebs everywhere and she has no wardrobe. It's a cupboard with a hanging rail on wheels.

The kitchen had rotten food in the fridge and freezer. The oven had thick grease as did all the cupboards. One mum had already scrubbed that by the time we got there. I've scrubbed the rest of the kitchen. Water from the sink drainer pours into the cupboard underneath to.

So am I expecting too much? What can be done, if anything about the burn marks and mould.

I've had to buy more storage as there were no shelves due to no wardrobe, the other rooms have half hanging and shelves and this is supposed to be a premium plus room!

There is no room for a wardrobe either and she doesn't want to move flats.

She's cried and cried as she wasn't fussed on going anyway so this has made it worse and she doesn't want to stay.

Can I insist they sort it, and what would you do?

You should complain- it’s unacceptable. Hope your daughter enjoys her student life.

Somewhat surprised that 33% of voting posters think OP is unreasonable to be disgusted by mould (among other things) - particularly given the prevalence on Mumsnet of finding minor infractions elsewhere as "utterly GRIM" (perhaps one of the most overused words on Mumsnet)!

You are not being unreasonable if it's halls complain and they should at least replace the desk.
If its private landlord, well if I'm honest my DD has had worse and it is a shock.
Private student landlords often do bare minimum or no maintenance and houses are often in bad state of repair with old and sometimes broken furniture, what you need to do is take pictures to record everything and send it to landlord and letting agency to prove condition so no deposit is withheld for damage at end of tenancy.
It's actually really shocking how expensive student accommodation is for so little.
Do complain

Why would you replace a desk for a burn mark?😳

Complete over reaction. Just contact them and get them to sort it. Maybe it got missed, at least give them the chance to sort it first before damning them !

Completely agree! We all need some help and support at key moments in our life. You don't stop being a parent when your kid turns 18.

My youngest is doing computer games at college just now. He is loving it, he was the top student in August and for a boy who was written off at school but still managed to get all his qualifications at school I am very proud of him, but he is also very hands on at home putting up shelves, fixing things with minimal help so I would love for him to do a something hands on course just to help him in life.

Oldest is into sport and middle is wanting to be a script writer but moved away for 5 months last year so obviously couldn't return this year but is hoping to get in this August. The lecturer has told him he can skip a year as he was working at a higher level than the rest of the class.

This is a good approach. As others have said, I'd be more focussed on her resilience and getting stuck into the uni experience than having a grotty room. Submit your pictures + complaint to the accommodation team (she should do it herself though) so she doesn't get held accountable for it and then crack on with dressing it up.

I had the grottiest room imaginable in my third year uni accommodation. A tin of paint, fairy lights, cushions and posters sorted it right out. It was one of the happiest years of my life in that grotty little flat.

If I’m understanding you correctly, doing what I suggested (drafting an email for the OP’s DD) is mollycoddling in your view which is producing young adults lacking in resilience and suffering with anxiety. You have a point in a way - I should have suggested that the OP discusses how to write the email with the DC and then the DC writes it. However I think you’re overreacting and also I think issues to
do with resilience and in particular anxiety are more do with changes in the world in general.

In my work, my colleague and I always used to check (and sometimes rewrite) each others important emails - not for run of the mill things, obviously. We still did this even after 20 years of working together. I also used to do this for exDP because I am known for being good at this. He was very bad at writing clear concise emails so I had to rewrite many of his.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses and of course different skills, qualifications and life experiences to draw on. I’m sure there are 18yos fresh out of school that would not be phased by what the OP’s DD faced but I know mine would have found it very hard. I don’t believe they would have even been in the minority either. And it is not because they were lacking in resilience or overly anxious because I think a large number of adults would struggle with this, as others on here have alluded.

Our DCs are growing up in a much more complicated world than we did, so I don’t think
it is particularly helpful to compare our upbringings with theirs. On average, young people today have many more pressures to deal with than we had. There simply were fewer things for us deal with and learn about. I’m late 50s. The Internet wasn’t even a glint in Tim Berner-Lee’s eye when I was growing up.

i think the increase in anxiety among people of all ages has a lot to do with being constantly connected and always ‘on’, the 24 hour news cycle which makes the world seem more threatening (because news is nearly always bad), I feel like this point makes parents in general perceive the world as more threatening than it is and hence are likely to be overprotective and have less resilient children. But honestly I don’t think we can say this about the OP’s DD or my suggestion because it would be a difficult situation for many adults and a totally new one for virtually all 18yo, even bright ones.

@ArtesianWater if people are already turning up with everything needed to help make uni accommodation a home then there’s probably nothing they need to go out and buy in order to make it a home *cover up burns, mould, manky furniture, filthy shower walls, stinking ovens ……..

And why should they anyway?

When my DiL was between jobs in a university town she got a job cleaning halls after the students had gone home. That sort of thing would never have gone unnoticed. I hope it is sorted for your DD.

Cosmetic are as important to record else she'll be charged for them.
Dated photos are vital.

This. She is an adult at university, not a child at boarding school. She needs to make her own complaint.

@DumpedByText as others have said, make sure you have photos of the state of everything that was wrong when you moved in and you submit them to the accomodation provider now. This will prevent charges being made at the end of the tenancy. I am sure that now it is clean and you have bought a rug and other things to make to room nice it will be lovely.
I would be asking for a rent discount or some form of financial recompense, (a free meal card for the uni canteen if they won't do a rent reduction). Uni halls are expensive and this falls short of the first day experience you expected. Added extra stress and upset to what is already a difficult day for new students, etc, etc.

With AI and fewer people going into traditional trades I think it’s a very good option for your youngest.

😂😂😂

My parents didn't do everything for me when I was 18, but they did help me. They didn't decide on the stoke of midnight on my 18th birthday that I was no longer deserving of their help and guidance if I asked for it. They supported me through a lot of 'firsts' and let's not forget that supporting mental health looks different for everyone. I have two healthy, confident adult children, who needed guidance in completely different ways. It's not just about being a good parent, it's just being a decent human being.

@Makemineacosmo

Well said!

Thanks for the suggestion, but I won’t be buckling up for the reality of housing issues …

lived in squats / bed sits / dumps myself -

it’s not that -

it’s about just having a modicum of compassion and helping out with a situation like this that I am advocating for -

instead of the lazy, cruel attitude of ‘let her sort it’ attitude that some ‘parents’ spout out without any shame !!!

Helping out surely needs to be showing her her whole life isn’t upended because she has a few burn marks, that she can make a home out of a warm dry room and if SHE wants to make a complaint showing her how to draft up an email SHE can send.

Exactly, a supportive coaching approach 👍👍👍

not a ‘ your 18 fuck all to do with me’ approach that some posters wheel out with gusto !

A supportive coaching approach was not being suggested by many. Instead an over dramatic mummy should jump up and down and flap and hysterically decry her accommodation, launch into complaints on her behalf whilst scrubbing ovens.

Sadly op this isn’t unusual. My ds also suffered with shit accommodation. All the uni will do is to do the least to make it legal. So I advise you to do whatever you can yourself. Sad, but it’s the state of things.

wow - that’s a stretch 😂

I haven’t seen any descriptions that sound like that -

i really haven’t -

Seriously- there were plenty!