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Original poster

Children start school at 5, oh no they don't

287 replies

Sadworld23 · 13/09/2025 23:48

We should stop taking about children starting school in the UK at 5.
Whilst that may be the legal age, even Gov.uk says most parents send their child to reception class at 4.

This makes me sad tbh, bc our child is (generally) happy at his nursery, 7m-3y, and I can't see him being ready for school at 4y.
He's barely out of nappies and bottles and I'm already choosing a school for him. And that's without the worries of sorting wrap around childcare to make my work hours work.

I had considered holding him back but nursery are already calculating giving up his place.

YABU children don't really start school til 5y.
YANBU children start school at 4y.

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 14/09/2025 08:03

I honestly don't see it as an issue. DD2 was summer born, so started reception soon after 4. It was mainly play based and similar to her pre school. They were only expected to sit for max 15 mins more focused learning at a time - shorter than time it would take to sit and eat lunch so doable for most 4 year olds.
She was only out of nappies at 3.5 due to issues around constipation which we later found was due to coeliac disease.

They have lots of support in reception - her class was about 20 children with a teacher and 2 -3 teaching assistants/nursery nurses, and she made amazing progress - despite the learning being very fluid it's a hugely important foundation year so wouod never suggest missing it - my oldest missed much of it due to covid, and I can see the impact on her spelling even at 9. Summer born can defer and start reception a year later if really not ready.

tripleginandtonic · 14/09/2025 08:03

He's not a baby though. And you treating him as one can make the transitions harder. Children of 4/5 are more capable and independent than we often give them credit for.
Plus, reception should still be about independent play, not sitting at a table

CremeBruhlee · 14/09/2025 08:04

Our school nursery teaches phonics through play and most of the kids go there. Reception then leads on from there. Unfortunately I wouldn’t want my kid to join at reception age and certainly not at year 1 which is where the real ‘jump’ in expectations occurs. Both nursery and reception in my experience is mostly play and the long slow exposure to phonics seems actually better for my kids

GameWheelsAlarm · 14/09/2025 08:07

You can do what is right for your child, nursery can't force you to give up your place, but honestly the older-toddler room at a good nursery and the reception room at a good school are virtually indistinguishable. They follow the same early years curriculum in both settings, with learning through play, story time/circle time and plenty of choice about activities. However your child will progress to formal education sooner or later and most parents see that by starting reception at the start of the academic year before they reach compulsory school age, it makes the transition into actual schooling much smoother and can be more gradual. You can keep your child at home or in nursery until compulsory school age but I suspect you will then find the transition to be quite a shock to the child and it may not go so well.

Bunnycat101 · 14/09/2025 08:07

I agree year 1 is problematic for many and needs a reset (too many children struggle) but I think reception is a pretty big deal and is much less nurturing than nurseries.

LBFseBrom · 14/09/2025 08:08

It's a choice, surely? My son started school just before he was four (October birthday), but it was mornings only for the first term. He was ready for that and certainly not just out of nappies and bottles :-), you are surely exaggerating there. He loved it and thrived as did most of the others in his class. However he didn't have to go, could have waited longer. If it hadn't suited him I'd have taken him out until later.

I started school aged four and did full days. My first class was called 'Lower Kindergarten'. I still remember it well all these years later.

It's up to you, you know your child, we don't. There's no point in fretting about it but whatever you decide, it doesn't hurt to get your child's name down early for a school of your choice.

nosleepforme · 14/09/2025 08:09

Technically the legal age is from 5, so that happens whilst in reception. So people send from reception. I don’t know anyone that didn’t send to reception. especially as they’d be missing lots of foundation in year 1 if they started then
so a kid can be 4 +11 months and a kid can also be just 4…

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/09/2025 08:12

We should stop talking about the UK, meaning England. In Scotland the vast majority of kids start school at 5, it’s generally the case that January/February born kids defer starting school in August it’s not unusual at all and very easy to organise.

Mylovelygreendress · 14/09/2025 08:13

IPM · 13/09/2025 23:53

Compulsory school age is the term after their 5th birthday.

You can send yours earlier if you want to or not.

Not in Scotland .

broadly · 14/09/2025 08:13

Yes, my son is a late birthday so he was only just past 3.

He was flagged as mal-coordinated as he couldn't hold a pencil properly! Given extra balance and agility classes

Fucking ridiculous

(Ofc he is fine now)

x2boys · 14/09/2025 08:13

LBFseBrom · 14/09/2025 08:08

It's a choice, surely? My son started school just before he was four (October birthday), but it was mornings only for the first term. He was ready for that and certainly not just out of nappies and bottles :-), you are surely exaggerating there. He loved it and thrived as did most of the others in his class. However he didn't have to go, could have waited longer. If it hadn't suited him I'd have taken him out until later.

I started school aged four and did full days. My first class was called 'Lower Kindergarten'. I still remember it well all these years later.

It's up to you, you know your child, we don't. There's no point in fretting about it but whatever you decide, it doesn't hurt to get your child's name down early for a school of your choice.

Just before he was four
I assume you mean nursery not actual reception?
Some children are just out of nappies starting nursery does it matter?

Mylovelygreendress · 14/09/2025 08:14

Sorry @Jellycatspyjamas . Just noticed you have highlighted Scotland so saves me repeating everything !

Monvelo · 14/09/2025 08:14

I'm picking senior school places for my 10yo - it doesn't get any easier/better!

x2boys · 14/09/2025 08:17

I'm nearly 52 when I was in reception back in the late 70,s we had three intakes for reception depending on birthdays, so you could start in September , after Xmas or after Easter.

Tiredandannoyed2023 · 14/09/2025 08:17

I’m not sure why there’s a feeling that children will resent having started school at CSA when they get older. Our son is now in secondary education and it’s never been an issue for him. It’s certainly never been a regret for us. He’s thrived at all stages of his school life so far.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 14/09/2025 08:17

dementedpixie · 14/09/2025 00:06

In Scotland they are at least 4½ years old with the cut off being age 4 by the end of February for an August start. They can also defer starting primary 1 for a year and be 5 ½ instead

Agreed both my children were 5 when they started school in Scotland in primary one. No reception classes here.

OP’s post would have been better if it was worded about England and Wales

there’s no such thing as a ‘UK’ education system.

HostaCentral · 14/09/2025 08:19

HRRFT but always surprised and disappointed how many children are so behind these days, setting aside SEN. What has led to this extended babyhood? Toilet training, communication, dressing, eating and drinking, should all be set way before 4 years old. Delaying school doesn't mean these like skills are also delayed. Parents and nurseries should already have set these skills much earlier on.

CornedBeef451 · 14/09/2025 08:19

@InMyShowgirlEra I assumed there was some sort of issue with the child too.

My DCs stopped bottles around 12 months and we’re potty trained by 2 1/2 which I thought was pretty normal. So to be having bottles and barely out of nappies approaching school age seems unusual.

Mine are born in May and mid July. Both were absolutely fine starting at 4, DS was 4 years and 6 weeks and was definitely ready for school, he would have been so bored with another year at nursery.

It depends on the child but perhaps you should consider why you think of your DC as a baby when he has gone through toddler hood and is now a preschooler? I can’t imagine giving either of mine a bottle at 3, they would have been disgusted as they each had their preferred plastic glasses by then and bottles were for babies.

HoppingPavlova · 14/09/2025 08:21

I’m not in UK, but kids where I am can start first possible year of school anytime between 4y5m and 6y2m, depending on what month they were born and when parents want to send. I think it’s really good to have that flexibility to suit individual kids.

The only people this doesn’t really suit are the first year of school teachers who have the unenviable task of managing a group of kids with what is a really wide age range at that stage of development. Many parents now choose to hold their kids back so they will be the ‘advanced ones who do the best’ in first year of school, and that does hold true when the kids start school. However, after 4 years at school it evens out so that performance is based on natural ability rather than age, that’s what the teachers in our school system say the studies show (have not read whatever these are myself so just going by what our teachers say), but anecdotally this is what we have seen with all of ours going through, so seems as though it’s right.

We had our kids start at 4.5years and 6yrs and at ages inbetween and there is no better/worse, just what suits individual kids best.

Hufflemuff · 14/09/2025 08:22

It feels like youre doing this because of the wrap around care concerns more than anything.

Don't hold them back. At least see how they go. If you hold them back they will have the awkwardness of turning 1 year older than all their peers at school and might resent you for it.

My niece didnt seem ready for school, but when year 6 came about - she was so mature and ready for secondary school - I couldn't imagine having to hold her back another year longer!

x2boys · 14/09/2025 08:26

HostaCentral · 14/09/2025 08:19

HRRFT but always surprised and disappointed how many children are so behind these days, setting aside SEN. What has led to this extended babyhood? Toilet training, communication, dressing, eating and drinking, should all be set way before 4 years old. Delaying school doesn't mean these like skills are also delayed. Parents and nurseries should already have set these skills much earlier on.

Well maybe you should read the thread and see that the Ops child is out of nappies so isn't delayed
There is a full 12 months before they start school and am awful lot can happen in 12 months
My nearly 19 was 3 yrs 2 months before he was reliably toilet trained
He had no accidents after that
He was out of nappies before he started nursery
Does it really matter if some kids a few months later than average?

Hoardasauruskaren · 14/09/2025 08:28

We don’t have reception in Scotland & the cut off dates are different from England too. So dc are slightly older with the youngest being those born in Feb who are 4.5. It is quite easy here to defer younger dc. Just turned 4 seems very young.

x2boys · 14/09/2025 08:29

CornedBeef451 · 14/09/2025 08:19

@InMyShowgirlEra I assumed there was some sort of issue with the child too.

My DCs stopped bottles around 12 months and we’re potty trained by 2 1/2 which I thought was pretty normal. So to be having bottles and barely out of nappies approaching school age seems unusual.

Mine are born in May and mid July. Both were absolutely fine starting at 4, DS was 4 years and 6 weeks and was definitely ready for school, he would have been so bored with another year at nursery.

It depends on the child but perhaps you should consider why you think of your DC as a baby when he has gone through toddler hood and is now a preschooler? I can’t imagine giving either of mine a bottle at 3, they would have been disgusted as they each had their preferred plastic glasses by then and bottles were for babies.

Well arnt you a wonderful parent 🙄
As the parent of an actual disabled child
I can tell you that being a toilet trained a full year before a child starts school doesn't indicate special needs.

biscuitsandabreak · 14/09/2025 08:29

I think there’s a lot of needless hand wringing about this. In nearly every country, four year olds are in some sort of educational setting, whether that’s kindergarten or nursery or whatever. Yes, it’s school but it’s still the EYFS - it isn’t too severe a regime.

And for some reason when this is discussed on here it’s as if the only birthdays are September and October or July and august, as if the only extremes are children on the cusp of turning five and barely turned four, when actually there will be plenty of birthdays between November and June!

Countryspaniel · 14/09/2025 08:29

He should have been off bottles for 3 years. My 3 were in pre prep at 2 1/2 wearing uniform and doing semi structured activities in between lots of free play. Twins had a delay from prematurity. It suited them so well and helped developmentally.

School in reception is generally brilliant for children.